Not once, have I tasted the thickness
of your lips.
nor have I felt a shallow hug
lacking passion.

I have only closed my eyes
and dreamed of us
in the darkness of my
bleak imagination.

I have feared
the intensity of your stare
but missed the scarcity
of your comforting voice

But dear,
this lust will only demolish us.

     ever so slowly
        in the comfort of our own
          inconvenience.

she
such a simple word, but I love it.
she breathes
and she does every single day.
she breathes on
on what? depends.
she breathes on my
my, my, my, what do we have here..oh..
she breathes on my skin
and I wish to never feel anything other than this feeling in this exact moment in time because in all honestly, *nothing has ever felt this pure.
she breathes on my skin and
and? and?! what more can be done?
she breathes on my skin and calms
calms... me.
she breathes on my skin and calms my
my heart. my mind. my ever breaking spirit and soul.
she breathes on my skin and calms my mind
and she does. all I ever hear is my mind, but during these moments, our souls connect and I feel at peace.
I love her, I truly do.

So often I feel as though I am seen as summer rain,
someone who does nothing but
nourishes thirsty flowers in dry soil,
precious and beautiful and unable to do any wrong

when in reality, there are unseen, hidden parts of me
and secrets I’ve only been brave enough
to whisper to a few, bits of my past
that are journal pages ripped up
and swept underneath my bed

And you are my deepest secret

I took advantage of how you felt for me
and I made you feel like you
were dirt, contaminating me because
I was innocent and perfect and could do no wrong,
but that was a lie I tried to make you believe,
because I had convinced myself
it was true, for so long

I hate that I hurt you

And I hate that I will never
be able to take that back

I cannot stand the thought of you
walking around today, or years from now
thinking of me as a mistake, a waste of time,
a thunderstorm who did nothing but uproot
such special feelings only to
destroy you in your vulnerability

But I pray you don’t think of me at all,
and that you’ve forgotten me

because I cannot stand to think
you’re out there, somewhere
remembering me as someone
who broke you.

*** and love
are not synonyms
I didn't fall in love with you
because you touched me
I fell in love with you
because you made flowers grow
inside of me
when no one else could

h.a

Telling.
On the news I see
in the cradle of mankind,
bloodlust  rampaging.
Killing machines laughing
as children cry and mothers
stare silently at nothing.

Telling.
On my porch I see
three birds sharing a perch,
eating seed.
One brown, one red,
one olive green.
One gently feeding the other.

Telling.

r ~ 4/9/14

i used to cradle her bleach-cracked hands in mine
and decode the stardust resting within her fingerprints
     up until the day that i lost touch with the art of reading braille
     and she stopped slinging tall-tales for me to fetch
and rest the plot-twist at her feet

often in the post-script
i'd find my train of thought highjacked by the sunlight illuminating the rainbow of earth-tones ablaze
in her frizz-ridden curls
as if she'd been washing her hair with the damaged case of beer
she'd gotten for half-price at liqour depot
     she never did quit drinking
          but neither did i

at least we tried

though sometimes
in the middle of the night when nothing was alright
and we'd barely survived another fight
her face would catch my glance
cast aglow by a flood of lava-lamp light
    
     the sea of freckles resting at the crest of her cheeks
     rose lips perma-pursed in half tilt
     her resting heart-rate so high that i could almost see it
          pirouetting within her chest

it was then that i'd love her best
     amidst the ruins of who we were
     just moments before

She thinks she is the kind of beauty that many worship.
All thin figure,
All dark eyes,
All nails that leave marks on your back and
All her lip biting and soft moaning

She thinks her beauty is a set of curves
She thinks her beauty is legs
Hips
Suggestive submission
She thinks her beauty is just talent,
She thinks her beauty is just an act
She thinks she's average, and her beauty is just made up

But her beauty is her eyes after the make up has run off.
They glow the sweetest, lightest green
(Her favorite color)
When the mask of mascara melts in a scalding hot shower

Her beauty melts you the same way.

Her beauty is the way she melts into your arms.

The way she talks like she doesn't care who listens
And listens like you're the only one that ever listened to her
The way she can say two things with one word and mean both of them.
Her beauty is persistence.

She would rather **** Superman than marry him
And I have no doubt that she could do either if she wanted to.

Her beauty is paying rent when she is already gone.
Her beauty is talking to the new guy when nobody else does, just to make sure he has someone to talk to.
Her beauty isn't in wanting to come in, but in her want to stay.
Her beauty is freedom seeking a place to tie itself down,
Her beauty is love for the sake of healing,
Even when the love isn't there.

Her beauty is the way she gives her faith to every good thing that comes her way.
The way she loves her dog.
More so, it's the way her dog loves her back.

The way her grandmother loves her back.
The way her friends love her.
The way a complete stranger can feel warm for days,
Just by meeting her for minutes.
The way nice guys have a real chance.
The way that she gives seconds chances to everybody,
The way anybody would risk humiliation to have one.

Her beauty is so deep that people can't climb back out once they've fallen in.

She thinks it's her ability to make love that's beautiful.
But I want her to know,
So desperately,
It's much simpler than that.

She is beautiful because it's so **** easy to love her.