A world of pain and deceit,
was all I found in your eyes

Yet I tried to give you my world,
in a faint effort to make you mine

You were nothing but a shadow,
one I tried too hard to hold

Too young and naive,
for thinking together we'd grow old

A fire in your pupils,
fueled by an icy heart

Not for a second did I think,
you would be the reason we'd part

Drawn to your affection,
how foolish it was of me

Now to be left here standing,
to leave this as just a memory

Your hands were daggers,
that I tried to caress

And your lips were poison,
that made me less

It was a love that devoured,
an insatiable craving

It was also a love that soured,
as time kept moving

Someone tried to give me their world,
but I could not give them mine

Because a world of pain and deceit,
was all they found in my eyes.

It is with an emptiness in my throat,
a riptide in my stomach,
and needles in my heart
that I write this today.

I fear you might find out,
I fear you might realise,
I fear you might explode,
and I am terrified that you will leave.

If you happen to chance across this,
while actualising your thoughts into words.
Feelings and emotions I wished you share with me,
that you so easily convey to a machine.

If you could see through my eyes,
you would never feel insufficient again.
And so I beseech God to rid my mind of you;
a mind that is welcomingly plagued by your presence.

A mind that personifies hypocrisy;
as I read your writings about a boy,
wishing they were about me
but they are not.

And yet I still keep going back.
Hoping to find my name in your words one day.

As we swirled under a sky of spectrum
And I felt your body melt unto mine
There was never again a time where
I felt so free, so tranquil and safe

Hidden in the shields of your arms
And for a moment, I believed again
That I could fly past the heaviest clouds
That I could soar infinitely, with you

But that was all it was
All it ever could be
- a glitch in time
Where everything was okay

If I could stop the earth from moving
If I could stop you from leaving
Maybe we could dance in a haze of colours
And fade out from the rest of the world

a glance
i caught you
i looked away but
a smile

but
i turned away
you were so
perfect

tell her!*
no you idiot, don't.
i wanted to.
i really did.

life happened
as it does
how very mundane
like the workings of a clock

but time stopped.
i saw you again
with another man
your hands in his

the hands stopped ticking
my heart stopped beating
i wanted to tell you
but i didn't.