Tonight my grandfather looked at me and said,

"Where do you plan on being in four years?"

Usually, this question is simple to answer. The usual 'college' or what kind of job I would want to have, and I sat and thought about how I would respond. After a few moments of him staring at me, I said,

"I plan on taking care of myself for the first time."

He didn't really think that was funny, but what he didn't understand was that I wasn't joking. Ever since I was young, I have always had to take care of something or someone.

He waited for me to explain; he obviously didn't understand how that answered his question. I showed him examples from when I was young. Before my father got custody of me, I always helped my mom with whatever I could. Which wasn't a lot, because I was so young.

Between the ages of 8 - 11 are where I remember the most. This is when I was living with my father. He would fall asleep in the living room and I would wake up every night around 2:00 AM and I would check on him. He would be too drunk to wake up without getting sick, so I always tried to be quite. I would take the beer from his hand so I didn't have to clean up that mess the next morning. Then I would take his shoes and hat off, and I would turn off the TV. I'd always go back to his room to get his bed ready and then I would go back to turn all the lights off in the living room. There's no telling how many nights when I didn't get up and the doors were still wide open through the night. I would literally walk him back to his bed and lay him down, because he couldn't do by himself.

I was 8 years old.

A lot more has happen since then, and I still have to help him to bed sometimes. But now, I live with my grandparents and I have for years. They are getting to the point where I am helping them with everything.

Although my grandfather was surprised to hear my answer to his question, he listened to me for the first time and he understood.

I'm ready to take care of myself.

I was just a girl,
Full of dignity.
Slightly reserved,
With a sense of humor.

He was a guy,
With a mask.
Humor carried his smile,
With a sarcastic tone.

His vibes unreadable at a distance.

Every inch of movement,
Caught my blue eyes.
A sense of amusement from the boldness.

The way he carries himself,
Like someone with a purpose.
For crossing paths with me.

Me being slightly reserved,
Knew no bounds of his honesty.
Testing the waters.
Wanting the mask to be removed.

I never knew his life story,
Never knew he almost sacrificed himself.
Never knew he was abused by a past relationship.

I didn't care for that,
I wanted to know him.

This blond haired,
Brown-eyed guy.
Knew I was watching him.

I wanted to break the ice,
To plan a surprise attempt.
He beat me to it.

Ever since day one,
His vibes became readable.
When the ice was broken.

The memories of darkness,
Pain and stress covered his soul.
His eyes were deep with understanding,
His wits high like a fox.

I wanted to help,
To hold his hand.
To hold him when the memories attacked.

I was too scared to say Hello,
He said it for me.
His boldness giving me courage to respond in kind.

After our official meeting,
I became anxious to see him.
To see him laugh at lunch,
To see him focus in English class.

I wanted his mask to be removed,
For him to show his true self to me.
I gained his trust and respect,
He fell for me.

Now my past has been dark,
Mates of that past cruel..
He healed me of this wounds,
Just by being nice.

Now..
I've fallen for him too.
*It was like love at first sight.

A hero's going to
Save me just in time
SAVE ME NOW
I need a hero
Who's going
To fight
For what's right
Who's going
To fight
For the weak
I need a hero
SAVE ME NOW
Save me just in time
Who's going
To make
Us believe
That life
Is
WORTH IT
I need a hero
To save me now
Just in time
Who's gonna
Save my life

Biting the hand that feeds
Creating a stomach that bleeds
Offset by the wants and needs
Until insanity by definition succeeds