I wish i could write to you about how i see things and how i feel in a way that hasnt been said that hasnt been wrote that hasnt been thought.
Why are we so mechanic that we cant do anything that is just our own?
Yes we dont feel what each other feels but its so similar it might as well be the same.
I wish i could take you to a world that you havent ever seen before that hasnt ever been imagined with creatures that hasnt already been brought into existence.
Why is it we cant even think on our own?
Even what we make believe is just copy cat to what has been made up before.
Even children dont have the talent anymore.
I want to give you something new.
I yurn for something new.
I beg the heavens for something new.
I cry myself to sleep to dream of something new.
I just need something new.

She sits on the table her head tilted back and her mouth open wide ready to catch all our unfiltered trash.
Planted firmly on the worn wood along side the water rings from long forgotten and unattended cups.
Her round body adjacent his long frigid fingers, tediously tapping the decay off his cancer.
She gathers up her strength and holds her pose like a marble statue at display in the louvre.
Like a switch she shuts her brain off from reality and allows him to dump his filthy bitterness into her.
Her lips close along with her eyes and chokes down his worthlessness, equivocating at the burning as it stamps itself to the inner wall of her stomach.
She solemnly reminds herself that is she is beautiful and that she is strong.
That without her dust and char would violently float amidst.
Her chalked and caked lips reopen awaiting the next flick of his fingertips.
She sits on the coffee table wishing it was coffee that we were drinking and that she was a coaster.
But we dont drink coffee; we smoke cigarettes and she is just an ashtray catching all of our secrets and regrets.

I thought i had known love before.
Had grasped it and even wore it proudly for a while.
But it wasnt until you became part of my existence that i began to fathum this pure and horrific thing.
You gave me butteflies and made my knees sore and i dreamed of you.
Oh how i longed to touch all the time.
Theres were moments i didnt think i could do it; that we wouldnt make it but we did. We pushed through.
Well i pushed-you fought to stay still but i forced you along until you gave in.
Theres nothing like being a mother.
I didnt even see your face before i started crying.
And i when i held you for the first time truly held you on my arms i know i loved you.
I love you more than anything in this entire world.
More than anyone would love you.
I knew that there wasnt a thing i wouldnt do to protect you.
Id lie for you, steal for you, hurt for you, **** or be killed for you.
I hadnt realized that i wasnt living, i wasnt loving, i wasnt me without you.
Id look at your sleeping face and id cry because i was so happy.
I had thought i knew what happiness felt like.
I was so wrong.
And then the butterflies came back and it made me sick.
I new you wouldnt be alone for long and it scared me.
I was afraid that i wouldnt be able to love him as much as you because i had already given you my entire heart.
I hated myself because i knew how unfair that would be to him.
For he wasnt even born and he had never done anything wrong or would he ever in my eyes.
Then they cut me open and yanked him out and i heard him cry and that sound was so pure and so perfect and so everything that you were.
I looked at him and i loved him just as much.
With everything that was in me.
It was like my heart grew a whole other heart to so i could love him the same.
I looked into his eyes and he was every ounce of beautiful just as you.
And you can up to him and held him and kissed him and i knew you loved him the same way that i did.
The same way that i love you.
I cried for the both of you because i loved you both so much it was hard to breathe and the only thing i could see was yall.
The only thing i could do then and can do now is love you.
Love you both for rest of my life.
You are my only true and honest and pure and magical and special loves.
You are my soulmates.
My everythings.
I love you boys.

"You cant look at the devil and expect not to fall and we arent done until i say so."
"Now that i have you im never letting you go."
"I promise darling, you'll break soon. If i keep pushing you hard enough youll let me love you."
You cant hear the devils voice and expect not to drown. You tell me what that means."
"I want to hear you scream."
"I know you love me too because ive broken you down and ive built you back up and noone can make you *** the way i do."
"You cant feel the devils heartbeat and expect it not to break and i told you you would."
"God, you smell so good."
"Im sorry but you have to understand youre my only friend."
"It was always you. It has only ever been you. It will never end."
"You cant touch the devils fire and expect not to get burned. Dont you get it, little girl, you belong to me."
"You can never leave."
"So let me rule you-ruin you-set you free. Youre scared imma **** you but really all this time youve been killing me."

Locked in
Boxed in
Cant hardly breathe
Dark here
Alone here
Need to find a reprieve
Pushed down
Forched down
Can hardly even see
Call out
Reach out
Try to be set free
Caged up
Locked up
Demons inside of me