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Sep 2021 · 22
Cindy Long Sep 2021
Perhaps I loved you too quickly,
Too fiercely.
Perhaps you wasn't ready,
Not really.
Perhaps I expected your walls to fall easily,
Perhaps I ain't who you had hoped I would be,
Perhaps I was too good to be true.
Perhaps you were too.
Perhaps this was supposed to play out differently,
Not be quite so messy.
Perhaps even though I did all the right things,
You still didn't trust me.
Perhaps I thought our love would overcome all the negativity,
That our relationship would flourish effortlessly.
Perhaps it is you.
Perhaps it is me.
Perhaps we are a little too broken,
Perhaps it just seems we are worlds apart as of lately.
Perhaps we cannot fix what isn't there,
Perhaps I just need you to act like you care,
Even if it isn't real,
Just so I don't have to feel,
This way,
Sep 2021 · 16
Cindy Long Sep 2021
Like an angel with broken and battered wings,
You said you were the answer to my prayers.
All I had to do was remain on my knees,
And you would watch over me.
But like the seasons change from summer to autumn your heavenly glow dimmed and wilted,
Your scripture dried up like dead leaves,
Your harp played a blasphemous tune,
And I watched the devil bloom in you.
Your eyes are like oil in the ocean, your voice now dark and deep.
Yet still I prayed and still I stayed eventhough this isn't the eden you promised me, like a child full of hope, I believed.
That you were the closest thing to heaven ill ever be.
Isnt it just like the devil to be everything you desire all the while setting you up for the fire?
Sep 2020 · 60
The way
Cindy Long Sep 2020
Noones ever looked at me the way you do.
The way your pupils grow.
The way they lock in on mine.
The way they beg for more.
The way they insist I am pure.
The way the blue roars like the ocean.
The way they bore into me.
The way they praise my touch.
The way they confess your undying love.
The way your lids flutter when I pet your face.
The way they tear up at my soft and caring words
The way they spill every secret.
The way they search for any sign that I feel the same.
The way they burn into my very soul.
God, I cant handle the way you look at me.
But please dont ever look away.
Sep 2020 · 49
Cindy Long Sep 2020
Two flames
Mirroring each other in a wicked dance.
Sweat dripping down their bodies.
Their breath hot on each other's skin.
Flicking and swirling their tongues in an eccentric kiss.
Smoke rolls down their backs as they wither and wilt and melt in each others arms.
Their hearts burning and beating as one.
Their bodies morph as they transform, transcend.
The heat boiling in their veins, screaming and begging and solemnly swearing to never part.
Flames rising higher, brighter- a love that will never go out.
May 2020 · 34
Ocean eyes
Cindy Long May 2020
I'm drowning.
Not the kind of drowning where everything slows down and you forget what you're afraid of. Not the kind of drowning where you blink in awe of your hand in the sun under the water and everything slowly gets dark.
The kind where you kick and flail and the water burns when you try to breathe in.
The kind where your heart beats so hard even your vision pulses and you beg for someone to please do something anything.
******* drowning.
Not the kind of drowning where you accept your fate and death welcomes you with a silent yet demanding smile but the kind where you are completely overwhelmed before you can even process that you're in over your head.
Apr 2020 · 94
Kinda wanna
Cindy Long Apr 2020
Kinda wanna run my fingers through your hair
Whispering my love and praise into your skin, pray it sinks in through your pores, have you pleading and begging but not sure what for.
Kinda wanna yank you back by the roots
Make you hiss and cuss as I demand that you are mine, hypnotize you, confind you til your brain short circuits and only I remain.
Kinda wanna kiss every inch of you
Memorize every freckle, every scar, all of your so called flaws til you lay all your secrets and fear onto me.
Kinda wanna bite and **** until you're raw.
Leave a trail of bruises and hickeys on your damaged canvas and call it my masterpiece.
Kinda wanna hold you
Rock you, sooth you; so close you wont know where I end and you begin.
Kinda wanna sew our skin together so im.never no touching you.
So wrapped up in sin and lust you literally cant take it, overwhelm all your senses til I'm the only thing that makes sense.
Kinda wanna kneel at your feet
Worship everything you are and everything you ever achieved, a dream come true.
Kinda wanna be used by you.
Rest my head on your thigh, warm your **** on my tongue as you read me filthy poetry, be the pet you never knew you needed.
Kinda wanna bring out the best in you.
But selfishly save that part of you in reserve, split personality known as daddy.
Kinda wanna make you whole
But so desperate for only me that you cant even ******* see straight.
Kinda wanna touch your soul.
But ruin you so you're no good for anyone else but me.
Kinda wanna love you so ******* much that I obsess with you.
So much I cant even process what I'm putting us through.
Kinda wanna **** you.
Carve put your heart and eat it so I'll always have the the very life of you.
Oct 2019 · 70
Still I glance
Cindy Long Oct 2019
Our time is stolen.
A web of lies.
Bound to be caught
Like an insolent child.
And still I glance at you
With hopeful eyes
And a hammering heart.
Our desire is fooled
By the want we see
In each other.
The wishes we call for
Our prayers to be answered.
But we are sinners
Destined star-crossed lovers
****** to hell
For insubordination.
Our battered and broken souls
Tempted by the thought of
What could be
Blinded by our greed.
Yet still I glance at you
With hopeful eyes and
A hammering heart.
Still I glance.
Still I glance.
Oct 2019 · 88
Cindy Long Oct 2019
You are the inspiration behind every wavering thought, even the not so innocent ones. **** especially those.
Every scratch and scribble etchi-sketched out on any managable surface. I'd carve t into my skin if I wouldn't get sent off for it. You know how good your name would look in my blood?
Every twist and flick of my tongue as it presses to my cheek against my teeth taunting and teasing me to just eat you up.
Every tangible drop of sweat that is deduced from my caked up pores as it pours out like the fountain that contains all my youth and solemn wishes. Even though it's pretty **** obvious that you're all I wish for.
I could spout out a thousand things but not even ripping open my chest and showing you my beating heart could hold any gravity to the way I love you.
Oct 2019 · 177
I'm in over my head
Cindy Long Oct 2019
When I look in your eyes it feels like I'm drowning and when I hear you speak its like the call of the ocean and when I sit beside you it's like I'm getting pulled out with the tide. Your scent rolls off of you in waves and they just keep crashing into me. The calm and chaos you bring makes me want to scream but I can't even breathe. And no matter how hard I try to get back to land I can't seem to stand but why would I even want to when I could just let you consume me and become a mermaid?
Oct 2019 · 59
Cindy Long Oct 2019
The moon hangs high In the midnight sky.
The frogs croak, the swampland choked by another deathly cry.
The rougarou has a job to do.
And tonight he's coming for you.
He sighs as he whispers sweet lullabies.
And you fell under the spell of his red demon eyes.
The rougarou does what he's got to do.
Even if that means killing you.
He promises away the pain
As long as you stay.
And you said goodbye.
You were swept away by his lies.
The rougarou is amazed by you.
And you smell pretty good too.
His wolf smile will pacify,
By and by.
And the beast will feast and youll let him hold you as you die.
The rougarou has gotten you.
There's nothing you can do.
At his feet you will weep, and in his throne he will reap.
The rougarou loves you.
And it'll be the death of him too.
Mar 2019 · 87
Cindy Long Mar 2019
You are all I think about.
Your skilled hands smoothing down my body,
Your intense stare committing my soul to memory,
Your praising words filling me with confidence.
I'll do anything to please you-
Compulsive obsessive obedience.
You are my reason for being.
Without your regulations I'd be in misery,
Without your guidance I'd chip away into nothing.
Without your support what would be the point of breathing?
I can't live without you-
Claustrophobic choking.
You're my everything.
My will, my strength, I depend entirely on you.
My future, my reason why, hell, you hung the moon.
My rock, my caretaker, butterflies endlessly flapping.
My heart beats so **** fast-
Palpitations over exceeding.
You took your time,
sanding me down nice and smooth,
filing away all my knobs and flaws.
Holding me in your angelic claws.
You used such procision,
Splinting my posture,
Stringing my limbs to your cross.
Prooving to me that you are my God.
I would lie for you, my love.
I would die for you, my love.
My love.
Feb 2019 · 140
I see you
Cindy Long Feb 2019
I can see how broken you are.
Behind all that rage.
Underneath all that reason and duty to do the right thing.
I see you wake from fitful sleeps.
The way you look at your own reflection with such hate.
And still with the promise on your lips that everything will be okay.
I see how much you hold in.
The things that haunt you and hurt you and driddle you thinner each day.
Even with your shoulders back and chin held high like a good little soldier.
I see the way your muscles ache from all those walls you built.
The ones you guard night and day.
You pray that no one sees through that facade but I do.
I do.
I see the way you carry the burdens of your loved ones not once even considering trading in the weight.
The echos of horrible pasts creeping in the shadows just waiting for you to cave.
I see how beat down and feverish you are on nights you think you're all alone.
Staying up to watch over your family and keep them safe even from the wind.
I see the dull of your eyes when youre trying desperately to reflect the light.
I see you.
But I want you to know I also see how strong you are.
And how brave.
And how beautiful.
And oh how I love you..
Do you see me too?
Feb 2019 · 389
Cindy Long Feb 2019
Sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. All these beyond ****** up fantasies. It's not enough to end up on my knees. I wanna do more than bleed. I want you to hurt me harder. Push me farther. Sometimes I day dream about being held captive. Beyond psychopathic attractive. Wonder what it's like to be completely humiliated. Loved to the point of being hated. Want you to make me a good pet. Pull my strings like a marionette.
Sometimes I get these sick thoughts about what you could do. All the absolute ******* you could put me through. And how I want that. Call me useless, worthless, fat. Then go a step further. Make me wonder why you even bother. Punish me like I'm nothing. Yet like you still have hope I could be something.
Sometimes I want you to just about **** me. Make me beg for you to stop but don't you stop even if I'm crying. Make me think I'm going to die. Strip me down where I can't even fight.
Sometimes I think about deprivation. Meat hook suspension.  Crush me into a pulp. Make me mentally ****** up.  Want scars that I can't explain. I don't want to ever be the same.
Feb 2019 · 236
Yes, daddy
Cindy Long Feb 2019
On your knees.
Beg me.
(Come on baby please.
You like what you see?)
I do love to watch you bleed.
You take my breath away.
Don't know what to say.
(You can lead the way.)
Just to make you break.
It's more than I can take.
But God you're so good when you do it.
So let's do it.
(Got me saying yes, daddy.
Yes, daddy.
Cut me.
Gut me.)
Come on baby, **** me.
(Yes, daddy.)
I'm in control.
You know your role.
(It's taking it's toll)
Got my hand to hold.
You blow my ******* mind!
One of a kind.
(Send me flyin'
Feels like I'm dyin'.)
That's how I know you're mine.
God, you're such a ******* good girl.
Good girl.
(You got me saying yes, daddy.
Yes, daddy.
Hit me.
Whip me.)
Come on baby, choke on me.
(Yes, daddy.)
You never cease to amaze me.
You drive me ******* crazy.
Say you'll be my baby.
(You got me saying yes, daddy.
Yes, daddy.
And I'll never be the same.)
Cindy Long Dec 2018
For a moment her skin
Is like the color of the dark
Unyeilding seas in the dead of winter;
The edges of her body more alive
Like the back splash of her crisp waves.
Her eyes more like the round
Black vastness of space;
A warm asteroid field of greens and golds scattered throughout,
Swirling amd twirling me into the wormhole of her pupils.
Her appearance more cold
And cut throat- threatening to ruin anyone
Even  remotely as enduring as she
And yet her ****** expression
More begging and yearning for sustenance in her life- worth dying for
Other than the promise of one day being seen as more than a badge.
She turned and nodded to me, "sup girl." Blinking me back to reality. Remembering she is my enemy
And now I sit questioning my whole life- was everything I taught a lie.
Or is this just reason enough to die?
Sep 2018 · 152
I know
Cindy Long Sep 2018
I want to hold you
Touch you
Oh how I long to feel you
Get under your skin
To breathe you in
God, just be close to you

You dont have to say it
I already know
It's so hard not to want you
I do, though I'm not supposed to

I see you struggle
And I know it's my fault
I know I need to go
But your eyes beg me to stay
You take my breath away
I say I know. I can't, I wont.
And yet I still do.

You dont have to say it
I already know
It's so hard not to want you
I do, though I'm not supposed to

I need inside you
Confide in you
I need to kiss you
I just ******* need to
I know I know I know
We can't be
Why can't you see that-

You dont have to say it
You really don't.
I already know
God, I know.
It's so hard not to want you
I do, you know I do.
Though I'm not supposed to

Tell me you don't want me
I dont-
Tell me you don't need me, crave me
God, I'm trying
I'm fighting not to
But I see you in everything
And it's-
You blow my ******* mind and
We're not supposed to
And yet here we are
Cursing your name

You dont have to say it
I already know
It's so hard, so hard, so hard, so-

You are my sunSHINE
My only sunSHINE
You'll never know dear
Though I'm not supposed to.
Sep 2018 · 110
Loves not wrong
Cindy Long Sep 2018
You crumbled and I tumbled on
******* you
And you coaxed me along
Thrusting and cussing and lifelessly I clung
**** girl
I cried out, lovesick at the way you made me ***
The aftershocks strangled and I was mangled
Oh, God
The taste of you on my tongue
With heavy breath you kissed my death
Til soft and sore I hung
Fighting and freeing and decrying we were so young
But even so our love was never wrong
It was never wrong
Sep 2018 · 554
Accent table
Cindy Long Sep 2018
When I first moved in  I admit it was quite exciting; the way id dance from room to room.
I was young and naïve, believing that I finally was needed. Is that the word, needed, I dont know.
Anyway, it didn't last long. I do remember it was a Thursday and I had found my way into the living room. I stood by the tv when she walked in.
She wore a thin, see through top and shiny metallic leggings and he laid her on top of this fur carpet and pet her til her makeup was smeared.
Right in front of me. Like, like I didn't matter at all. Like I wasn't even there.
It broke my heart.
She wasn't the first but, at least they got past the living room. I tell myself that makes it better.
I guess, I'm just numb to it now. Every now and then on holidays he will pull me to the couch with him and let me hold his beer while he watches football but I think that's only because there's people there. You know, gotta keep appearances.
I find myself wondering sometimes if it's bc I'm too small. Too skinny. I got knobby knees. I got a plain face. I got a few scuffs and scars. Something, something about me is wrong. I mean, there has be something that he finds off putting to not...not want me anymore...
Why do I stay? Bc I love him. He needs me. One day he'll see. He'll see I'm not just an accent table.
Apr 2018 · 181
Cindy Long Apr 2018
B E                     L I E V E                V E T
H                             A T                              H
E                              L­                             O
V E S                                                      M E
      H E                                                  L O
      V E S                                       M E N
O T P L E                    A S E O
   H S W           E E T
       N I      G H T
    I N G
L O V E M E Y E S Y E S P L E A S E D O.
Apr 2018 · 170
Makes sense huh?
Cindy Long Apr 2018
They say you can still read a message even if the words are spelled wrong. If the first and last letters are still in the right place then your brain will know the word. Bc your brain reads words not letters.
Apr 2018 · 141
Doubt is a killer.
Cindy Long Apr 2018
There is this fear and I know I shouldn't and I know I should have faith and yet it is still there.
Blinding and gripping me tightly as I try to gaspingly yank with every fiber of my being to get away bc I am not worthy. the illusion that one day I'll crumble and let your sweet sunlit face saunter over like a dove and whisper to me that I belonged there all along makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. Why do I believe I don't belong? Do I? You say I shouldn't have this fear that it is the fear that will ******* me in the end and that if I believe I belong then so I shall. I **** myself off to still in knowing that I do and should belong that feel I don't. That I fear i wont. God, I just want to be the person you knew I would be when you created the beginning of me. I know I'm not there and I'm scared I will never be. What is your plan for me? Am I on the right path? Am I even close?
With what the world is becoming like-one begins to truly wonder.
Apr 2018 · 87
Cindy Long Apr 2018
I close my eyes-hard.
Nostrils flare with each long drag.
Please don't hurt me.
Instead of rage slapping me across the face, soft thick fingers clasp under my chin and lift my head upwards.
I dare to peak.
Trauma-strung fears force my body to shake unintentionally.
His eyes are dark and cold, his jaw tense.
I stop breathing. Force my throat to swallow.
His lips part and I flinch in preparation of a good scolding.
His thumb traces my bottom lip then swiftly drops his hand to my neck and grasps it firmly.
My eyes widen-my body-my mind freezes.
He moves in for the ****- presses his soft devil lips against mine.
My heart stopped beating.
Mar 2018 · 105
Cindy Long Mar 2018
She stood in the middle of the room, listening to you tell your friends how proud you were of her.
How well she did last night. didn't take much to break her in even though she fought you with all that you could muster.
You gladly, boastfully, spilled out every ounce of soggy, sweaty detail.
How you had worked late and your lips were cracked and your heart was cold when you strode through the door.
How construction was finally done and you knew shed be locked in with nowhere to go.
How you saw her there and didn't hesitate; you didn't even blink. You slugged directly to her and dropped to your knees.
How you braced your forearm firmly against her torso and forced one leg from the other and she gasped.
How you licked your lips and knew your work was cut out for you with her; she had never done this before and you could tell just by how empty she looked.
You leaned back resting on your heals and breathed in deep, getting comfortable in your seat. And continued on.
How you zip tied her legs open so she couldn't slam shut-keeping you from what's inside.
How you gathered all the things you believed you would need and laid them out in front of her so she could see.
How you smiled and said, "Okay, here we go." And she whimpered.
How she stared down in terror like a tower and she knew she was about to get bombed.
How first, you easily and carefully pressed against her just to see how much pressure she could take.
If she couldn't handle your hands then she wouldn't be in store for what was next.
How you flipped up her top and she let out a huge gust of air.
How you nodded and clasped your hand together.
How her legs were heavy and pulled against the ties but they held her strongly.
How you pushed it into her and filled her up.
She was small and not a lot would fit inside her so you had to choose wisely.
How you played with positions and when you found the one that suited you most-you soaked her.
How you thought she smelled so good wet and you knew it wouldn't be long now.
How she hissed as you toyed with her.
How you blew on her and your breath was cold but she still lit up like nothing you'd ever seen.
How she practically exploded in your face and it made you laugh.
You leaned into your armchair-reminiscing on the thought for a second but, quickly finished the tale.
How you poked and prodded her with a long, thick iron and even though she was burning you didn't stop til she was roaring.
How you watched her lungs fill up with smoke and tears roll down her chin but, you couldn't be happier.
How you flipped out your pocket knife and cut her ties allowing her legs to creak shut hastily but you could still see her insides.
How you stepped back and told her you already felt so much better.
How she made you all warm and cozy and that she made this house feel more like a home.
Your friends ooed and awed at the end and smiled and patted her like she had won the game.
But she felt like the loser-small and scared and broken.
And she knew she couldn't escape and that when everyone left he'd come in with a cold heart and she'd be the only thing to suffice.
She closed her eyes and held her breath as she prepared herself for tonight.
To make the biggest fire ever!
So he wouldn't be able to ever make fires in anyone else ever again.
Tonight she was guna burn that ******* to the ground.
If she was going down he was going with her.
She opened her eyes and stared at him from the middle of the room and watched him smile.
And you know what?
She smiled back.
Feb 2018 · 97
Cindy Long Feb 2018
I wish youd just listen to me.
Open your mind up to what im saying.
Press your ears against the hum in my throat.
Lean in with good intentions.
Stare deeply at the way my lips form words.
Take in each syllable as my breath hits your face.
Not just acknowledge but understand.
Inhale the poetry that spews off my tongue.
I need to be heard by you.
Aug 2017 · 581
Everything haiku
Cindy Long Aug 2017
They plunge into life
**** oxygen in their lungs
Cough up the water

Cold and alone-scream
Light burns their delicate eyes
Yearning for our touch

Accelerated pulse
Panic screaches from their lips
I hold my hands out

Grasp them in my arms
Press their pale pink flesh to mine
Show them they are safe

Plant them with a kiss
The storms calm inside their brains
Heartbeat to heartbeat

They flutter their lids
Comprehend and recognize
Love wholeheartedly

I am their mother
They are prefect-everything
They are my children.
Aug 2017 · 106
Love haiku3
Cindy Long Aug 2017
I want you to breathe out.
So then i can breathe you in.
Breathe you so deep in.

I want you to stand.
So i can push you around.
Push you right back down.

I want you to blink.
So i can roll mine-repeat.
Then hold them wide open.

I want you to shrug.
Shrug me off nonchalantly.
Rest my head on them.

I want you to curse.
So then i too can curse you.
Curse your name baby.

I want you to fight.
So i can beat into you.
Nothing you can do.

I want you to drink.
So i then can drink you in.
Drink your soul smoothie.

I want you to crash.
Freak out and sleep for hours.
Shake you til you wake.

I just want you babe.
I want you to want me too.
The way i want you.
Aug 2017 · 13.5k
Marks on my heart.
Cindy Long Aug 2017
I look at my purple and yellow flesh.
Smile at the memory of where you have been.
The harsh and heavy marks of our love.
I bite my bottom lip and press my thighs tight.
Stifle moans from the ache it brings.
Explosions raddle my brain and i wish to be with you again.
I trace the indention of rope along my wrists.
The thin line between pain and pleasure.
How we crossed it; played hop-scotch with it.
I giggle to the excitement of my battered soul.
The snap and crack of a flogger on my back.
Spiders crawl down my spine with the words,
"You are mine."
Aug 2017 · 89
Cindy Long Aug 2017
You are quite
Amazing.              You blow
My *******                       Mind girl.
I cant                           Put it
In words.              The mere
Thought of     you gets to
Me. It feels like
Spiraling through me all the
Way to           My groin.
And to                 My heart.
It beats                         So hard
I cant                                   Breathe.
My mouth                     Waters so
******* bad.          I want to kiss
You. I want to taste you.
To have my lips
On you.
In you.
Ill get on my knees.
Beg you for the rest of my life.
Just to have you once.
To feel your               blood pulse inside you                    To feel the sweat bubble        Up on your
Body. To be so close
To you that it takes
Me to a
Aug 2017 · 106
Love haiku2
Cindy Long Aug 2017
I want you so bad.
It feels like i am dying.
And yet i love it.
Aug 2017 · 95
Cindy Long Aug 2017
I owe you everything.
You taught me with love and reason.
In turn i am better a person and i love you.
And i cannot stand how someone as pure and as friendly as you is guna let something as disgusting and ugly as smoking **** you.
I cannot fathom how you would rather do that and allow it to destroy your lungs to the point of needing removal then to quit and live long enough to watch your grandchildren grow up.
I cannot understand how instead of seeking help in your times of need you will instead shrivle up inside your house and not answer my calls because you dont wanna hear how my children dont even know who you are.
Im sorry that i am selfish and want my mother to be in their lives.
Im sorry that i want you to teach them and love them the way you have done me.
Im sorry i need for you to continue going because i cant imagine a life without you in it.
Im sorry im not okay with your life choices.
Im sorry i love you so much that i dont wanna be without you.
But im not sorry actually. At all. Because i dont believe im wrong.
I dont believe that my views on this arent important.
And i dont believe you when you say everythings guna be alright.
Its not alright?!!
Its not. And im not sorry and im not okay.
Im so angry and aggrivated and sad and hurt and i dont know how to handle it.
Aug 2017 · 140
Love haiku1
Cindy Long Aug 2017
Im melting away.
You obliterated me.
But i still love you.
Aug 2017 · 107
Im a better you.
Cindy Long Aug 2017
I'll cut you up.
Hide you in the walls of your own bedroom.
Wear you skin as my own.
Pretend i am you.
Your friends will like you more than they used to.
Your boyfriend appreciates the attention.
And i'll make him *** harder than you ever could.
He'll say you've changed but in a good way.
And you'll watch him fall in love with you all over again.
But that's because i'm a better companion and friend.
Your mom and dad and brother will also notice the difference but they too will approve.
They'll like the manners and respect you give them.
And that i brought your grades up too.
Everyone likes the new you.
Your bestie, trish, will actually tell you her secrets now because she can trust me to keep them.
And i let her read your diary, of course i had made a few entries of my own.
Y'all are closer than ever!
Not just walls can see that everyone is finally happy.
Even when i tell them its really been me.
They'll keep what happened to you a secret.
And they'll even give me all your old things.
Including the car you got for your sweet sixteen.
In exchange as long as i stay.
I told you they'd like me better anyway.
Cindy Long Aug 2017
I thought i had known love before.
Had grasped it and even wore it proudly for a while.
But it wasnt until you became part of my existence that i began to fathum this pure and horrific thing.
You gave me butteflies and made my knees sore and i dreamed of you.
Oh how i longed to touch all the time.
Theres were moments i didnt think i could do it; that we wouldnt make it but we did. We pushed through.
Well i pushed-you fought to stay still but i forced you along until you gave in.
Theres nothing like being a mother.
I didnt even see your face before i started crying.
And i when i held you for the first time truly held you on my arms i know i loved you.
I love you more than anything in this entire world.
More than anyone would love you.
I knew that there wasnt a thing i wouldnt do to protect you.
Id lie for you, steal for you, hurt for you, **** or be killed for you.
I hadnt realized that i wasnt living, i wasnt loving, i wasnt me without you.
Id look at your sleeping face and id cry because i was so happy.
I had thought i knew what happiness felt like.
I was so wrong.
And then the butterflies came back and it made me sick.
I new you wouldnt be alone for long and it scared me.
I was afraid that i wouldnt be able to love him as much as you because i had already given you my entire heart.
I hated myself because i knew how unfair that would be to him.
For he wasnt even born and he had never done anything wrong or would he ever in my eyes.
Then they cut me open and yanked him out and i heard him cry and that sound was so pure and so perfect and so everything that you were.
I looked at him and i loved him just as much.
With everything that was in me.
It was like my heart grew a whole other heart to so i could love him the same.
I looked into his eyes and he was every ounce of beautiful just as you.
And you can up to him and held him and kissed him and i knew you loved him the same way that i did.
The same way that i love you.
I cried for the both of you because i loved you both so much it was hard to breathe and the only thing i could see was yall.
The only thing i could do then and can do now is love you.
Love you both for rest of my life.
You are my only true and honest and pure and magical and special loves.
You are my soulmates.
My everythings.
I love you boys.
Aug 2017 · 133
Something new.
Cindy Long Aug 2017
I wish i could write to you about how i see things and how i feel in a way that hasnt been said that hasnt been wrote that hasnt been thought.
Why are we so mechanic that we cant do anything that is just our own?
Yes we dont feel what each other feels but its so similar it might as well be the same.
I wish i could take you to a world that you havent ever seen before that hasnt ever been imagined with creatures that hasnt already been brought into existence.
Why is it we cant even think on our own?
Even what we make believe is just copy cat to what has been made up before.
Even children dont have the talent anymore.
I want to give you something new.
I yurn for something new.
I beg the heavens for something new.
I cry myself to sleep to dream of something new.
I just need something new.
Aug 2017 · 478
Cindy Long Aug 2017
She sits on the table her head tilted back and her mouth open wide ready to catch all our unfiltered trash.
Planted firmly on the worn wood along side the water rings from long forgotten and unattended cups.
Her round body adjacent his long frigid fingers, tediously tapping the decay off his cancer.
She gathers up her strength and holds her pose like a marble statue at display in the louvre.
Like a switch she shuts her brain off from reality and allows him to dump his filthy bitterness into her.
Her lips close along with her eyes and chokes down his worthlessness, equivocating at the burning as it stamps itself to the inner wall of her stomach.
She solemnly reminds herself that is she is beautiful and that she is strong.
That without her dust and char would violently float amidst.
Her chalked and caked lips reopen awaiting the next flick of his fingertips.
She sits on the coffee table wishing it was coffee that we were drinking and that she was a coaster.
But we dont drink coffee; we smoke cigarettes and she is just an ashtray catching all of our secrets and regrets.
Aug 2017 · 538
Stockholm sydrome
Cindy Long Aug 2017
"You cant look at the devil and expect not to fall and we arent done until i say so."
"Now that i have you im never letting you go."
"I promise darling, you'll break soon. If i keep pushing you hard enough youll let me love you."
You cant hear the devils voice and expect not to drown. You tell me what that means."
"I want to hear you scream."
"I know you love me too because ive broken you down and ive built you back up and noone can make you *** the way i do."
"You cant feel the devils heartbeat and expect it not to break and i told you you would."
"God, you smell so good."
"Im sorry but you have to understand youre my only friend."
"It was always you. It has only ever been you. It will never end."
"You cant touch the devils fire and expect not to get burned. Dont you get it, little girl, you belong to me."
"You can never leave."
"So let me rule you-ruin you-set you free. Youre scared imma **** you but really all this time youve been killing me."
Written in the point of view of the abductor ❤
Aug 2017 · 145
You are Astronomy
Cindy Long Aug 2017
Ive traced the stars with my fingers a thousand times like i connected the line of freckles on your shoulders.
Ive studied the constellations and memorized the alignment of the planets like the scars on your thighs.
Ive dreamed of fading into the vastness of space in the same way i used to melt into your lips.
Ive cursed the dust and gas that fills the milkyway in the same way i drowned in the galaxies of your eyes.
Ive watched meteors shower down from above like angels fall from grace and ive tried to understand why in the same way the sound of your voice made me quiver.
Ive questioned the posibility of other life existing beyond our own and i wonder if they have known love the way i have known you.
Ive defined love to be when two stars collide but instead of them absorbing into eachother it explodes and goes supernova like we did when we kissed.
Ive pondered if hearts transform into black holes that **** everything in just in the same exact way you did to me.
I long for an astronomical explination to why antares and rigel orbit the sun like how my world revolved around you.
Dont you dare tell me it was just gravity and dont you dare tell me you dont feel it anymore bc thats not how love works.
Jul 2017 · 128
Cindy Long Jul 2017
Locked in
Boxed in
Cant hardly breathe
Dark here
Alone here
Need to find a reprieve
Pushed down
Forched down
Can hardly even see
Call out
Reach out
Try to be set free
Caged up
Locked up
Demons inside of me
Cindy Long Jul 2017
I have late night conversations with the moon. She tells me of the sun and i tell her about you.
Jul 2017 · 1.1k
Jack and Jill
Cindy Long Jul 2017
Jack and jill
Went up the hill
Looking for a thrill.
Jack got high
And got jill to try
Then jack unzipped his fly.
Jill bit her lip
Placed her hand on his hip
And licked around the tip.
Jill got top
And fell with a plop
And the pleasure did not stop.
Jack groaned loud
Jill was proud
Their heads still in the clouds.
But as they came down
Jill started to frown
And jack headed back towards town.
Jill sat still
Alone on the hill
Wishing for another pill.
Jack didnt care
About what happened there
Jills life began to tear.
Jill cried alone
Jack on his throne
Still not answering his phone.
Jill went to the hill
Hoping for jack still
But he didnt even think about jill
Jack brought another to set free
And was shocked to see
Jill standing beside the tree.
Jack wasnt glad
In fact he was mad
That jill was still so sad.
Said she gave a good ****
But was just a ****
And now shes out of luck.
Jill just stared
As jack glared
His heart flickered and flared.
He didnt know why
So he let out a sigh
And all jill could do was cry.
Jill fell to her knees
And begged jack please
But his words didnt ease.
He shooed her away
So that they could stay
And the other girl he could lay.
Broke jills heart
It fell apart
But a fire in jack did start.
She moved back east.
Jack turned into a beast.
On women he did feast.
But jack never got enough
Noone liked it as rough
As jill; she was tough.
Jack fell down
He hit the ground
When he realized he had given jill his crown.
Jack visited the hill
And felt a little ill
At jills heart he did ****.
Jack hung his head
And wished he was dead
At the thought of someone else in jills bed.
Jack ravaged his brain
He jumped on a train
And headed out towards the plains.
Jill he did find
And she was so kind
How could he be so blinde?
Jack said he was wrong
But jill had moved on
Her heart sang a new song.
Jack died inside
His face couldnt hide
The saddness flowing like a tide.
Jill gave him a pat
And said that was that
Jack went home and sat.
Jack, on his throne.
Messaging every girl in his phone
But knowing he was forever alone.
Jill said all she had to say
And went on with her day
Eager to go home and play
For a king jill did pray
And a king she did lay
And with a king she did stay.
Jill forgot the pain
Learned to love again
And jack was the one going insane.
Many women did jack claim
And many he did tame
But none of them were the same.
Jill had been jacks one
But he was too busy having fun
And now he has to sit and watch the sun.
Jack hates himself still
He rests on the hill
And take a whole bottle of pills.
Jack laid back
Foam he spat
And let everything fade to black.
The lesson is fine
If you take the time
To really understand this rhyme.
Just for fun. Different concept on old rhyme
Jul 2017 · 1.3k
Shes a hurricane.
Cindy Long Jul 2017
Shes more than just a pretty face. Shes a hurricane. Demin and lace spun around like wind and rain. A princess that has long since lost her crown- its probably at the bottom of the pacific by now; stitched together with good intentions, lightning, and leather. Held to the ground by a chest harness, gagged with cotton, and her heart made to beat to the rhythm of thunder. Voice like the pounding of the sea against bluffs; breaking down barricades with one subtle stroke. Uprooting trees like she does her long blonde curls and nothing can calm her chaos-not cuffs or rope, not diamonds or pearls. Shes just a little harder to handle then most. Oceans plunder through the floodgates of her eyes at any given moment; parading through the coast, tumbling around with all the broken and bruised cement.
Shes all the abandoned throwns left to drown or freeze without power, warmth or shelter. The promise to do better and be better next time coaxing her further into the fray by her collar and leash but its always the same unpredicted weather. Shes both beauty and the beast- complete opposites chained together by her ankles and wrists. Poetry pouring from her luscious lips in a heavy mist; a coldfront may stall her out but shes still quick to spit with the flick of a whip. Shes deeper than she appears but her foundations crumble under the rubble of her own ivory skin. Broken coral stumbling through the empty halls of her soul-it takes it tole. Shes the act of god, something so vivid and yet so insane could only be brought on by the abundance of sin. A divine cause lost in plush-sweet and also ******; a unity of odd mixtures: vinegar and sugar. Cloudcover hiding the blisfulness of the sun and she cant help but blush. Shes altogether too much and all she leaves behind is death and decay-she destroys everything in her path But its not her fault; she got broken too while sitting in the lap of a tormado; wrapped her up, held her tight, then let her go.Any attempt to get back inside only left her trapped in scar tissue, She went crazy when he called her baby so its no wonder nothing survived. She may leave you with a mild breeze and a sky of orange and pink.She'll send seashells spiraling into you until you become debris..make you wonder what its like to live without the kink.
Unedited raw poem.
Cindy Long Jul 2017
I want to plunge myself into the oceans of your love.
Dive straight down; my hands cutting the edge of oblivion, it blubbles over my body as i shoot further; as i aim to go further; i push my self to go further.
And when i slow and the force feom my jump stalls out i flale my arms and legs.
I dig in your ocean; determined to reach the bottom. The dark water just gets colder and my eara pop from the pressure but i dont stop; i release air slowly from my lungs as they cramp but i dont stop; i clinch my eyes tighter and spring them open in hopes to unblur my vision but i dont stop.
I want to drown myself in this vast sea of your love and let it comsume me.
As i inch closer and closer to the bottom i can feel the life in me tug; i let it keep tugging because i know its not enough to make me stop.
I reach out with my fingers stretched so hard the knuckles are white and finally i palm the sandy floor. The grity ground is miraculous; i cannot fathom its beauty.
To have reached the core of you i no longer feel cold; i no longer feel the pressure ringing in my ears; i no longer feel the throbbing inf my lungs.
Vision tunnels and i sink into the blackness of your love. I let it in. I let it engulf me. I welcome it to. It floods into me and becomes me.
I am your love. I just had to fight to see it.
Love is the theme i guess this week
Cindy Long Jul 2017
I yurn for you to fill me up
With the knowledge that he forbade.
To touch me;
Soothe my soul in such a way that i am condemned.
See me with your ravenous eyes;
Wild and searching from the woes of damnation.
I beg of you to lead me in this valley and show me where to lay.
Guide me;
Sway me in the darkness and bury me inside perdition.
Hold me down with lustful longing;
Dominant and surging through the hands of greatness.
I need you to choke me with your forked tongue.
Whisper in the air;
Taunt and tease me with promises of sweet rapture.
Build me up under your lips;
Allow me to splinter and shatter in the aftershocks of your kiss.
I desire the release that you have promised me.
Soak me;
Drown my sorrows in your philosophical misdeed.
Promise me;
Write an ode to me and swear it must be prophecy.
I crave your full undivided attention.
Moan in my ear;
Sweet talk me with your biblical verse and *** loudly for all to hear.
Gut me;
Cut me and fill me with your untainted seed and know that ill only bleed for you.
I have fallen from grace and i have done it all for you.
I demand you tell me that you dont love me too.
Random thoughts on what it must bc like.
Oct 2015 · 534
Ill keep you a secret
Cindy Long Oct 2015
I'll hide you.
In a room
In the back of my mind.
I'll keep the flowers you bought me there.
Cherish their scent.
In that room where they'll never die.
I'll keep the taste of your kiss there.
The wet sponge of your tongue
At my teeth.
Only there will I have goosebumps from your touch.
From your words.
I'll hide you between those four walls.
I'll hide you
In there with my love.
Just thinking of couples that had to be kept secret bc they weren't "aloud" to be together
Sep 2015 · 306
Beautiful funeral
Cindy Long Sep 2015
the venom in her voice is bitter like vinegar in your mouth every word damaged by the poison on her lips her kiss burns like alcohol to an open wound every lipstick stain is left with the trace of death misery lingers on every flick of her tongue heartbreak roars behind the of her click teeth bittersweet memories only incased by the confinments of her clear gloss her breath so cool and yet so vile it chokes you like smoke to beauty. Her smile rills you in just as easily like stealing candy from a baby her silence filled with the secrets of 1000 happily ever afters the soft delicate tone of her scream is the anthem of every love song going terribly wrong her cough laced with the remnants of her enimies her saliva just as toxic as her ideas of revenge every syllable that spills and spews from her throat is so dark it'll blot out of the sun every pucker is infected like cyanide in an apple every gasp and sigh just as sweet as little white lies her taste so unexpected you get hooked before you know it like drugs to an addict the talking hole in her face never stops consumes every good thing im you before you have even a chance to run a reaper hides behind her smirk a grave lies under the dirt in her gums she will blow you out of the water there's nothing you can do nowhere you can go her looks are so beautiful you won't even realize you're at your own funeral
-Cindy Long
Sep 2015 · 5.7k
Rated r.
Cindy Long Sep 2015
**** me
just **** me
I want you inside me
Oh how I've wanted you
dreamed of you
our bodies intwined
breathing heavy
You don't have to take it
easy on me
I can handle it
Put your hands on me hold me down and choke me
just choke me
oh please be rough with me
I wont fight you
I'll let you right in
Kiss me
just kiss me
flick your tongue against mine
kiss me all the way
down my body
oh how I long for you to touch me just touch me
touch me there
make me shake
and beg for you to stop
torture me with your fingers
get me all excited
And wanting
raise my hips to meet yours
and smile at me
that smile that makes me weak
And flustered at the same time
that one that leaves me wondering
I don't know
what you're going to do
to me
but it doesn't matter
just do it
I want you
to do it all to me
claim me
Just claim me
in every single way
release yourself on me
I can take it
I want it
give it to me
please give it to me
show me how much you want me
just want me
need me
love me
push me to my limit
take me over the edge
make me scream your name
press into me
sO hard
I can't breathe
oh how i long to feel you
feel me
Just feel me
close your eyes
and gasp on me
Lay on top of me
don't let me move
Take control of me
oh how I want to taste you
your sweat
your seed
gut me
just gut me
Cut me into pieces
splitter me
shred my innocence
open me up
And spread me apart
look at my insides
At how you make
my heart race
blood boil
organs tense
by the way
You **** me
just **** me
show me
how much you
love me
just love me
please just love me
-Cindy Long
Sep 2015 · 242
Cindy Long Sep 2015

-Cindy Long
Sep 2015 · 307
What does that mean?
Cindy Long Sep 2015
The only thing on this earth that has ever made the happiest
And yet also the saddest
Was you.
-Cindy Long
Sep 2015 · 230
A tale of two suicides
Cindy Long Sep 2015
Cut through my soul and leave scars on my face
Ill slice up your heart and let you bleed all over the place
We'll carve our names with razor blades and laugh at the pain
On our skin we make our creed and on our lips were leaving stains
Peal off my sorrow and rip out my seams
I'll cover your mouth to meet your screams
We'll play ring around the rosie and cut off our ears
We'll tie each other up and bring to life our biggest fears
While smiling at me you'll rip out my tongue and twist it around my neck like a noose and sing a lullaby
I'll smile back when I slit your throat with broken glass and hum Sweet goodbyes
We will lay together hand in hand in watch our lives slowly end
We will bleed out together and know we'll always be best ******* friends
-Cindy Long to Jade Butler
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