Your name hurts
six letters have the power
to make my heart ache
and I have tried everything
to make the pain stop
repetition
repetition
repetition
but it doesn't work
and usually the more you repeat things
the less they mean
but with your name it doesn't work
sometimes I get used to the pain
it is just a lull that I learned to ignore
but then someone speaks your name
and it resonates through my veins
and sinks into my bones
your name is carved into my brain
and when i hear it what follows is
usually pain
pain that follows the fond memories
and the knowledge that you're not there
you consumed me and left me with no air
and so here i am trying to breathe
then you come back and air fills my lungs
breathing becomes easier when you're around.

One of the hardest things a person has to do, is pretend that they do not love a person.
You get asked questions like
Do you still love him?
no.
Do you still think about him?
no.
Does it not bother you that he picked her over you?
no.
Then they proceed to compliment you on being so strong
They praise your broken heart, your dead heart, your heavy breathing, your excessive shaking whenever you think about him or think about how much you love him.
They see a hero when all you really are is a shattered soul aching for his love, his attention, the warmth of his skin against yours.