Cutezeni

Cutezeni Dec 2022

So what we live space apart
We got our love in spades depart
Love him I do maybe so it could be true
I only refuse to say it straight
cause he doesn’t say it too
It’s hard to gauge his thoughts and feelings
When mine are blurry too
It’s hard to know true love
When distractions are varied new.

Yet, I believe in our love,
It’s not lust it’s trust
In us, and on him
I do believe he means well
When he refers to his sins
Of his past and his candour
I don’t think he likes to meander
In lies and half truths but facts he tells
Things were complicated back then.

Insecurity is the root of unhappiness
He doesn’t believe in holding on to tackiness
I told him stop holding on to the past so tight
Make way for future and present in sight
He told me he has moved on,
he doesn’t give it mind
But holds on to techotcke and trinkets and trophies
Messages and muses and Sophies in mind

Distance helps the heart grow fonder
Yet I stay up all night and wonder
Where I stand in this whirlpool of thunder
Where is his heart if not next to mine?
Where are his feelings if not completely merged with mine?
He says it’s the distance that’s blurring his sight
He wants me but can’t do much
He is right in hindsight.

With trust comes baggage of responsibility
With love comes feelings of banality
The same old routine of trust and fall
The same unoriginality.
Need to break this cycle this time
Need to thrive not survive
Need to grow into a new you
Need to see things from a different view.
Only then can we stop this fight,
Only then can we move past this Sophie’s plight.

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#love #pain #lust #poetry

Cutezeni Nov 2022

star crossed

You are the sun to my moon
You are the day to my noon
You bring out this side of me
That is away and never beside me
I start to see you rise
I start to bring you light
Why if we are so perfect
We live on opposite sides?
You’re the west to my east
Fall to my rise
I wish I had more than the twilight lights
To hold you in my arms all night.
See the twinkling stars in a gaze
Leave you with much more than the chase
Of after morning glory
Wish we forever stayed
In a state of smiling haze.

you knew what I didn't

#lover #kingpin #cult #vibe

Cutezeni Nov 2022

Bring back the old soul

You left in the morning in a daze
I stayed waiting for you in a haze
Made promises you said you’d be back
It’s been 2 years no looking back.

Showed up in a dream you said you were close
Finishing up school and work and chores
I don’t even know you anymore
But you keep your promise and me on my toes.

I loved you when I didn’t understand you wholly
I wanted you when you were broken completely
But you made a choice to go back and leave
Left me crying and calling out in a heave.

Now you said you’d be there when I’d come too
It’s been a minute I don’t know what to look for in you
Been a great friend, a great ally
Seen you walking looking back at my side
Maybe you never forgot who I was
But you’re starting to look like I don’t even know who you was.

Bring back the higher note, the old soul
Bring back the promise that you made in your past
Four folds ago
Four years ago
It’s been just minute longer than before
Maybe I’d remember when you return
Why you left to earn
And didn’t come back in turn.

Do I even know you?

#stranger #love #lost #found

Cutezeni Nov 2022

Half lover, never friend

He didn’t see me
I’m depressed
He sees me smiling,
I’m repressed.
I wanted to be his only one
He said stay blessed
But I’m the only one
Cleaning up this mess

He didn’t love me to leave her and be mine
He didn’t want me for more than half time
He kept switching and kept coming back and forth
He kept playing and leaving me in limbo
I stayed true to him, I never lied
Why can’t he see me be by his side
This half baked love has a shelf life

I tried my hardest to make him be mine
He just didn’t see me in that light
Good for a side, good for a small time
Never enough to be his life
Wife. He never cared to live up to his promises,
It’s true, I’m not turning into his wife
He never loved nor he cared
It is beginning to become a hard life.

I’ll leave him, I’ll move on to better skies
No more internalising his lies
I wanted love and security
This was turning a difficult time.
I’ll be gone, I promise I won’t pine
He is the last person who could be mine
Don’t need him, don’t care
Walking out is better than living a stupid lie.

Time to be the main chick

#love #loss

Cutezeni Aug 2022

Bad day

Woke up today felt a limb missing
Found out I was just slipping
My mind off things that be
There can never be more than three
Got screws unscrewed

I went dipping,
Didn’t realise that I may be tipping
Off the course ever so slightly
My matches lit up ever so brightly
But no fire lasted within me for that long
Done once, twice and now it’s a shabby form

Needed me a pick me up, got a coffee
Didn’t think it’ll help the cough up or a drop key
I wanted an out but stayed in,
Didn’t find work that played easy
Did all the courses but then I was greasing

My elbows for a fit form
Didn’t know better just hit random
Trying something to work in my day
Change the phase and ******* away

But nothing stood still when my screws went missing,
I was zooming then I was tripping,
Needed a steady shoulder to cry on
My shoulders stayed broken and corned off
Didn’t have anyone to half it up.
I laid waiting for the endless to be ending
The clock strikes half past seven
And I still stayed there laying for the clouds changing.

S

#bad #good #day

Cutezeni Aug 2022

Broken

My broken heart is in pieces
Got a missing piece too
It’s beyond repair,
It turned black
Had so much love which felt green
Now the glass is shattering
Everything turning blue and black

Reminiscing the good times that felt fatal
Remembering the memories of him
Oh so unstable
Had a niggling feeling
Couldn’t catch the onset becoming
Possessed with demon blood
I hate that I’m ugly beyond repair
My heart sings the songs of the fallen
I hate that it’s breaking up
Whatever was befallen

I can’t run or hide away from this feeling,
It’s the last of humanity dealing
I can’t finish the crossed line
I’m becoming the demon that which I am dealing.
Rescue me no man coming
I’m unbecoming the version that cried to god
But no one came nor they stayed
It was a one man job.

Help me there is no resolution
I have been and un-been
Feeling gratuitous from the moment the flesh erased to the glass skin.
I will go down and under
Lost in the sea of monster
If this is the end, let me be
An uncaring **** stirrer.

S

#love #lost #found

Cutezeni Jul 2022

Smoking Purple Cigs

Lost my face
Smoking purple cigs
But found my new face instead.
No lies this is the reality
Smoking is better than
Bursting roofs in fantasy

Found my calling
Now I’m running
Done chasing
I’m fading into the purple
Light,

Hated myself, didn’t know better
The future was meek and below
Started a new race to fill the void
Now it’s all destroyed.

Come find me where you know I’d be
In a new and fairly running Ferrari
Not running into arms of anybody
Come stay a while
I’ll show you my magic thread
Or cases of flaws lost instead.

S

#independence #love