I suggest you donate the leftovers that
Have spilled on the floor
Where all those names you dropped
Tried to feed your ego.
The people you have met are not you
Their accomplishments are not yours
Any more than I give a **** what kind of
Car you drive
Do you think your status gets me wet?
You should think twice about
Signing your name because
You don’t even know who the hell you are

Did I really do that?
Turn you into this person who stands today?
You look at me and all I see is anger
I can feel your hate from these hundreds of miles away.
I can sense you feel no guilt, which is funny
Because you have plenty to be sorry for
Patching up these holes in the walls
And staring at the broken hinges on every door.
Your rage with me began so long ago
And yet it had nothing to do with me
The first time you choked me unconscious
I woke up and realized how dangerous you could be.
The first time you shoved me with our daughter in my arms
Across the room then ran to our rescue
Revealed a side to your wickedness
That I always wish I never knew.
The first time was not the last time,
And somehow it is still at no end
You decided to push me away for six long years
Then suddenly you wanted to be my best friend.
You're hurt because you opened up to me
And finally gave me your heart and soul
But by the time you wanted this thing to work
I had already turned cold.
Stop calling my phone and playing victim
Continue to gossip about me to your family
Solitude suites you so well old friend
Just forget about me.

Some nights are really hard
Some are better than others
I don't know why I sit here sometimes
And look at the videos and pictures of us together.
I don't know why I torture myself with the what if's
And wonder what your up to
I think sometimes that I made a huge mistake
Then get ******* remembering what I put you through.
Sometimes I feel like the pain will never leave
Then in an instant I'm mad as hell
Sometimes I feel like I've lost it all
And I just can't control myself.
Some days I think we're better this way
And some nights I wish I could pick up the phone
Call you to come over and have you here with me
Just so I don't feel so alone.
I always feel like I lost my best friend
And I always feel so empty inside
I try to stop myself from remembering
All of the happiness you once brought to my life.
I try to stop myself from feeling regret
And try to justify the things I've done
Trying to make myself hate you
When it came to ******* up I wasn't the only one.
But then I feel so guilty and terrible
Because you loved me so much
And even though I knew it, I couldn't feel it
And I don't know why your love suddenly wasn't enough.
I made you feel like less of a man
And I just try so hard to forget
I try to live past it every day
It kills me to keep thinking back to it.
An empty abyss inside me lingers
And it wants to reach out to you
I can't help but wish you were here
I can't help but feel that I need you.

stand up for your truth's
darling
I want to love you through them

my love of you's been
reduced to knots

& not the kind that keep

or thoughts
love reduced to blinking
through tears that chase my sleep

I'm falling under reason

that I know so I should stop

but my heart won't stop it's beating
it's like my blood's refused to clot

impossible to forget
you knew I loved you all along

it was a bit of truth I needed
you couldn't give to me at all