I fell down today  and scrapped my knees, Daddy  can you kiss it please...
A cartoon bandaid, a few cookies & lemonade.

I was push today, Daddy she's  way bigger than me, she said cuz I'm black my hairs a weave,

I said I'm mixed and my hair isn't fake, she spit gum in it and pushed me into the bathroom  stall.

Can you help me, teach me how to fight  Daddy I don't want her to beat me up.


I have no where to go,

Daddy can I stay with you please, I've left him for good!

He won't be hitting me anymore,

Daddy  I need to sleep I'm pregnant & haven't had much to eat.

I got a job today and I need bus fare, can I have 4 dollars  please 2 for the bus and 2 to eat...

Daddy I'll be working after school,  at a hotel and I can even get a free room, 

I'll work in the front office and sometimes help the maids but it's ok since I'll now have my own place

I got married today,

Daddy  I know he doesn't  make much and didn't  ask for my hand but Daddy I really love this man...

He took me to the court house and we said I do, you were too sick to come and I didn't want to bother you.

I've moved away,

Daddy and I won't be coming back,

I left my husband since he has a habit of messing around, putting me down and hitting.

Daddy can you call me I need advise I'm married again 3rd time and  pregnant  for the 4th time,

I wish I could visit you maybe next year, right now I have college, work, and my 4th on the way.

I called you today but I've got no answer, we're  here now and I have a present for you Daddy, 

it's been a while and lil sis says you're not doing too well...

I tried to call you today,

I've forgot what your voice sounds like Daddy.

Forgot I can't  call you anymore, 

Daddy you're gone now.

Daddy  the realization  hits me just as hard as that girl  did when she pushed me into the bathroom  stall,

my eyes brim over with tears just like it did when I pushed out 1 of my kids...

I can't talk to you and get your advise,

can't get lemonade & cookies when I fall this time,

I miss all those years we couldn't be together cause I was in foster care, group homes and again once I moved to other  states..

Daddy I've married again have 5 girls  a few lost pregnancies and some really bad marriages,  3 times in fact.

Daddy I've had some messed up relationships along the way as well had a stalker from  New Jersey  even and what a looser he is,

I've moved  to a whoke new state 3 tines now and laat year I was super sick  and yet worse of it was not being able to share any of it Daddy ...

Not being able to call and hear your booming voice tell me how to proceed or you coming to make sure them exes and maybe even that stalker from Jersey  left me be Daddy!

It's been 14 years Daddy and every day I miss you so much,  but right now Id take the advise and tough  love.

No longer married but I'm sure it'll come...

hehehe maybe  4th times my charm,

right now I'm fine as things are I have 2 cars just got a new crappie job a new house and all your grand kids are doing good so far.

Daddy I'm a grandma  isn't thst crazy and my 1st born your  grand daughter's changed her life round, she's coming home to get her son.

Even though I don't see you I know your with me and one day I'll stand on ya feet and allow you to lead me in a finally dance,

I know someday we'll be together again , with Mommy and my grant parents

Daddy!

Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present

1 cut, 2 cut, 3 cut, 4. cry for a while then cut some more. open cut, closed cut, cut scabbed over. drink away the pain, then cut again sober. old cut, new cut, cut dripping blood. drag the blade across and watch as it floods. cut on my wrist, cut on my thigh. wait til everyones asleep, then cut in the night. small cut, big cut, cut too deep. sit and watch as it continues to bleed. hi cut, bye cut, it keeps bleeding out. see you later cut, its over now

Using words so viscous there almost seen
Like a fist aimed at breakable things
Blows cushioned by anger  
Trying to knock out your false words
I'm far from perfect
You accidentally hurt me
But the spitefulness in me makes me hurt you
You mean well
But I cut deep
You say you love me
But my anger makes those words numb
I lash out like whips with metal tips
Hoping to catch a grip of your skin
The sound of it ripping is refreshing
Now you know what I feel
I'm far from perfect
Un patient then most
I think about ways to hurt you the most
I always threaten you to leave
Then laugh like its a joke
Who's knows why you stay
If my imperfections was a salary
You'd get paid less then minimal wage
I'm a curtain that's already closed on a stage
I applaud you for staying in this scene so long
But all things must end

Secret, oh secret,
Keep your mouth shut,
You got to keep it,
To grave if you can,
Never tell another soul,
You might be part of a deadly plan.
Be spoiled,
Be boiled,
Be tortured,
Be dead,
You will be kept hidden,
For you will not say what it is I have said.

I hate how you broke me down
Only to build me up
Just so you could break me down once again

I hate how you convinced me to open up to you when I was shy
Only to give you what you wanted from me
And then tell me to be ashamed for being so exposed

I hate how you would ask me what’s wrong
Only to pretend to listen as I would cry
And then tell me off for thinking I have it harder than others

I hate how you would tell me you loved me
Only for me to find out that you have another lover
And then to get angry with me when I would try to move on

I hate how I wasted my time loving you unconditionally
In hopes that you would love me too
Only to realize after eight months that you don’t deserve me

Last night I was counting the stars, I think I counted a hundred and four.
Thats when you creeped into my
thoughts and I became lost.
Lost to thoughts of you.

Ohhhh Loving you came easy.
I shown you that a million times.
But the first time I say NO.
You act like I never said YES.

It's hard to leave
The things you hold dear to your heart,
Its hard to leave your home,
The things you hold oh so close to you...
But sometimes the wild
It beckons
And sends you a crooked finger
Motioning for you to come closer...

If she was his ocean
And he was her sky,
What happens past the horizon?
What happens
When the skies are stormy
And are unclear
Hidden away beyind
Bursts of thunder yells
And night time lightning?
What will the ocean do then?

silent carnivorous savage,
                                          why prey upon our innocent flesh?
streamlining your black venom into fragile veins,
                                          sparse roots multiplying sickness

this lack of color that you provide
drains the blues
                    and reds
                    and yellows,
                  until 4 white hospital walls remain,
and in this bland, neutral palace of death,
                  the beeps of machines
and cries of heartbroken families serve to torture

this, the true fashion of your killing . . .
          no, not the mass piling of amounting dead cells,
but this blood,                                     it's not just blood anymore,
                            crimson liquid melancholy,
traveling into a mind that can only construct horrible images,
                                         groups of mourners surrounding a single grave,
                           wiping Sunday's tears against their pale faces

gnawing away at the slabs of sanity,
                                           concrete and brick,
the image of a young boy with a shovel
                                           far too heavy for him,
using all of his strength to catapult dirt over a casket,
                                           burying his vital innocence,
into the unforgiving soil where it will never be retrieved

how many tears must you taste for your thirst to be quenched?
how many lives must you waste as our friends are entrenched?

why, cancer?