I am so alone this pain I feel is deep down to the bone no one could understand the emptiness I feel inside my life is worthless I wake up every morning wishing to die every time I think about her I get this feeling in my stomach I can't describe it feels like I am getting shot in the heart when I replay the memories in my head I hate her with my body and soul but at the same time I wish she could forgive me Im sorry and I wish we could go back in time where every thing was fine and go back to when she was mine I know now since she left I will never be the same she was my soulmate I shared things with her I never told anyone before as we told each other things I think we used those things as ammo in our fights I use to tell her it would get better that we'd never loose each other but guess who dosnt love me anymore its the girl i adored jade.

you really think I'm ok don't you and they call me sick are you smoking crack can't you see the slits on my wrist but I'm fine every things all right are you sure i can make it through the night i don't want to fight but at the same time i do i don't know whats wrong with me but i sure as hell know whats wrong with you can't you see I'm slowly bleeding out on the floor are you sure every things all right but I'm dying tonight because every days a fight and I'm using all my might and i had enough pain to last forever and i don't want to feel this way any more i don't want to feel at all good bye this is the end of my life so good bye

hello darkness my old friend its good to see you again its been awhile how is pain i wish i could see him again im stuck with numb no love she left me for someone with a future not a broke *** *** like me its hard to see anything anymore im stuck in this pointless life i feel like a v.h.s   repeating over and over the same thing everyday i feel like my life will never change no matter where i go im always alone.

I feel so hated and frustrated look me in the eyes and I'll rip out the lies in your voice i wish i had a choice but everyone is eating me alive all the stares and judgmental glances **** this romance that I'm in let them win because I'm done I'm  sick of failing I'm sick of everyone staring i know I'm insane please stop ******* your hurting my brain I'm in so much pain what is left for you to take away what do i say am i suppose to lie act like everything is fine **** THAT I RATHER DIE i know you don't give a **** about me so cut me up thats what i be doing up alone in my room blaring the music so you can't hear my anger filled cries.

i have been deceived betrayed stabbed in my back and now all i do is look over my shoulder making sure no one their to hurt me who can i trust i was in pain but now I'm ****** and my blood lust is surging and I'm thirsting for a fight so stay away i know i will win so don't even tempt me once you loose my trust i will never look at you the same.

I'm stuck in a place with a man with no face he is the darkest fear you have inside which you try to hide but you can't fight it nothing you can do just be exposed to the dark fears that live inside of you hope hope isn't real everyday something new and painful to feel what is god supposed to heal I'm too far gone can't be saved never have been praised pointless to be saved love has no name but evol dose and its dissolving the sanity I  have left i try as hard as i can till every last breath but nothing is left

i wanna be free from the pain that imprisons me let me be i don't care anymore my life is ******* worthless less then dirt i wanna die no more crying no more lying in four days it will be the day of my birth but this time its the day of my death I'm sorry I'm sorry but i can't  hang on  I'm drowning in my misery and sadness madness insanity thats filling my brain with your Poisoness words i don't understand why i said yes and now I'm dead from decision here i go with the incision in my  wrist i hope I'm not missed life is worthless

**** life end it with a knife I'm done sitting here being patiently waiting i don't give a **** I'm ******* always I'm forever sad **** this life and ******* dad i know I'm crazy nobody can save me i love it I'm done sing along I'm done I'm done I'm done so what do i do be fake like you what do i do be insane like you so what do i do **** a ******* for the fun of it yeah lets fight for the rest of the night i don't care i swear I'm dead cut off my ******* head lets be dead together

my life has slipped away i wish i had more to say but i just hold it it all in and thats what killed me i am too scared to confess how i feel i don't know why though i love them but i am scared how i effect the people i care about but who am i suppose to vent to a cheating girl or a friend who tells her over and over how he loves her and i am no good and how he cares and i don't who am i suppose to turn to i have nobody i can't trust anyone be cause they go and run and gossip and i have no idea what to do anymore i don't understand why i feel like a monster when i know I'm not the one doing wrong please someone end this nightmare end it please

trust lust it all turns to dust as soon as you do what you want stalking me all the time i need space she needs to go the **** away she's ******* crazy but i can't get away hacks my Facebook stalks me drives me insane hacking into my life i don't understand it hell i can't even handle it what do i do

should i be happy what is it worth to be happy on this earth i see horrible **** everyday and I'm suppose to be glad ******* this **** makes me mad I'm not aloud to express how i feel without being called violent or dangerous so stop me now stop me how no one can i will never shut my mouth

my mother aint happy just ******* snappy always mad i don't know how to comprehend it what do i just pretend it  doesn't effect me pretend every things all happy and friendly when it seem that everyone has it better then me what will make me free another mother ******* killing spree theres no one more evil then me obviously they don't need to see me be happy i should just leave because its hard to breath and its hard to be in a room full of people who hate me to be honest i can't remember the last time I've felt loved  so come give me a hug instead of all the drugs they want me to be calm an focused so they shove these pill down my throat as fast as they can how is that suppose to affect a man who's already broken and some words just need to be unspoken

I hate you because I hate myself

I have  no remorse I  wish my life was a abort but in the end I'm still unborn life fades quicker then the steel of my blade

I can't sleep I can't eat is this my defeat I'm dead inside but look alive on the outside I feel like I will never be the same as I once was because I'm addicted to her she is the cause of my defeat the reason I can't sleep I feel like she is a parasite digging her way into my mind even when she's gone I can still hear her voice calling me

i actually believe in death do us part but her apparently not idc I'm here waisting air **** I'm ready to slit my ******* wrist she would ******* get off on watching me die sadly i sigh because she knows theirs nothing left for me here so i wither away and die this ***** is like a parasite digging her way into my mind slowly ripping the pieces of sanity i have left and that for isn't enough i wish i would have said ******* when she dumped me then wanted me back i wish i had a ******* heart attack i wish the pain would end me already let me die

I'm dead....... inside some place i can hide it i don't even fight it if there was a god he would save me from this despair i can't compare my pain to the throbbing in my head all the voices screaming while the ***** is swirling through me making it hard to stand i look down at my blood covered hands and the ****** knife across the room i fall down and i feel so dead trying to stand back up was a mistake so much blood i couldn't take it i just lay and die no tears no crying just sit there like a man drinking the rest of the ***** in my blood covered hand anyone to save me now nope no jade my life starts to fade so dim as if some one turned off the lights i see the flash backs from all those restless nights I'm glad I'm dead no more pain no more misery no more fake people to claim they love me

i wish i could just cut out my tongue because I'm done talking I'm addicted to this pain i wish i didn't have a brain oh wait i don't so i guess its a little  better sike i need to stop falling for theses dikes getting into too many fights staying up too many nights turn off the lights and let me be unless you really love me but who would am i right so shut the **** up and lets fight I'm done trying to bite my tongue and keep quiet because when i do i explode like a bomb and everyday I'm ticking so look at me the wrong way and you will experience a dooms day i got nothing else to say unless you wanna see my dooms day

im insane so **** me now put me out of my misery so i can smile just for a while ik things will never really be ok so stop caring for me thats not what i want i want some one to **** me so i can really be at peace idc where I'm going as long as i get there I'm living on pills and there not even giving me thrills so why should i live i don't want to any more I'm going fast cause i took a whole bottle of pills didn't even look at the name just took them all and washed it down with gin i don't give a **** about all the people laughing now all i see is a light and its saying you don't have to fight anymore just be at ease be at peace and guess what I'm dead (((((======

I'm lost with out a trace looks like I'm loosing the race sorry for taking up space I'm not man enough to face the dark evil demons within me  I don't think i can be loved to ****** up in the head and I'm already half brain dead people say i say too much but i think i say not  enough life is to rough but i aint that tuff so to deal with my problems i cut or use drugs no one taught me coping skills to deal with sorrow so i won't be alive tomorrow and i sigh cause i know I'm lying i will be here wishing i was dying sorry for being alive i know you despise me i am just lost in my maze i call a mind and i feel my sanity slowly fading as if someone were erasing me like a drawing and all i need is for some one to say I'm worth it not worthless )=

i have been beaten and broken no one will understand the pain i have I'm forever alone and its great all the hate in my soul I'm sorry for the things i have done but I'm not the only one

my mind is screaming as loud as thunder cracking throughout the sky as i lay i my bed wishing to die no matter how many times I pray i wish i cry no matter how many cuts their are on my wrist my mind still screams at me from across the room its funny all the voices in my ****** up head it feels like their is thousands of eyes staring at me when I'm the only one in the room i can feel it the end my doom.

there is something tapping the inside of my skull i feel like I'm about to bawl i don't know what to do i feel like god has given up on me like this kid is too ****** up to be saved I'm brave but I'm a slave to my thoughts there eating me away so are my insecurities they will be the death of me i don't eat i don't sleep at night because I'm always in a fight with myself  I'm screaming but yet theres no sound only a ringing in my ears I'm on the verge of tears living is my greatest fear

its a new year but I'm still the same i will never change from the monster i am I'm sick mentally if i would die i would die with no soul so probably would burn they say death will take you to a better place but i don't believe it because I'm already dead and i still don't feel no love what am i suppose to do pray to a god who never answers me back well the only comfort i have is from my blade and sleeping away the pain I'm only sane in my dreams.

**** me
love me
crush me
hold me
hug me
its all lies and your surprised open up your eyes and see thats not me just one of your ****** up fantasies why you hate me I don't see the pain your feeling just watching it go by and you won't see me cry so **** me but i won't die don't you think I've tried stop speaking your lies tell me the truth for a the first time do you even love me like you say you do

your love is cold as my blade you just walked away letting me drown in my misery how could you see when you don't even love me oh god why can't i walk away from her I'm paralyzed open your eyes and see that she will never love you who would your a disgusting beast who lives inside of me no one could ever control you no one will ever hold you no one will ever love you like she dose she's my drug and i need a fix just her looking at me being in the same room makes me high as a kite but as the same time it sends me down crashing to the ground with a pound everyday i try to walk away but she inside my mind hiding from my judgment of right or wrong and all i can do is sigh because ik this is my fate no use in trying to escape.

loving you as you hate me what went wrong how did we get into this tragic ending we thought it would last forever but we weren't that lucky I'm sorry i cursed you by loving you I'm sorry i made you hate me ik you will never feel the same way you once did so i decided to slit my wrist in the end we knew this was coming but we didn't want to admit it until it actually came to be I'm sorry you had to see me I'm sorry i came back into your life but i hope i make you happy cause I'm ending mine with a knife just stay till i bleed to death you can leave once you hear my last breath or don't come at all but they will be cleaning my brains off the wall

as i lay here crying dying sighing ready to leave you nothing left to keep me here i hear you whispering the mental torture in my ear wanting me to hear wanting me to feel pain wanting me to die I'm sorry for disappointing but I'm gunna stay alive find someone else you can hurt because no one can endure the suffering you cause I'm suprized I'm still alive after how long i endured your pain i will be honest it drove me insane but it was easy to get through because i don't have a brain please let me leave find someone else to drown in your misery please let me be i can't love you anymore I've tried I'm sorry but u killed me and i have  died

am i the only one who feels this way like everyday death is whispering in my ear so i can hear the screams of the ones before me oh wait my mistake its just the girl friend the one who is suppose to love me but gets off on my distress what a ******* mess i got myself into once again. people tell me I should be grateful for my success but i didn't accomplish my death and what is success  something for an obsession a depression i don't know but if i had a successful day lets just say it'd be my funeral today

i love you with all my being and i feel like your
not seeing it I'm sorry i ****** up in the beginning
I'm sorry take me back i will do anything my arms are wide open
I'm soaking in blood as she walks in the room slit wrist bruised knuckles
i saw her i started to laugh and chuckle you came i love you came in whispers from me she started bawling i love you too i should have came when your arms were open not open I'm sorry as everything starts to drift away

please some one **** me!

why am i so numb all the lies can't reach me any more I'm so lost that i don't want to be found i can't hear what your saying because I'm blocking out everyone and the sound goes in one ear out the other and it dose not matter any way cause theres nothing left to say I'm too far gone for any one to help me so stop talking and listen for sound of my pain because I'm insane its ok don't be afraid of me just hold me one last time so i can be actually fine i hate myself but you love me its crazy what world we live in we are so different yes so alike its just a sick memory i have you hate me yet you love me its ****** up and i know I'm going to hell so **** it i want everyone to hate me I'm so sick of pity i don't want you to love me hate me and be safe you i do love you but I'm the grenade in your hand that your hesitating to throw so you just let go and I'm gone so don't feel pain I'm not coming back not now not ever again just let me fall i don't want you to feel pain you know i will put a bullet in my brain for you but you still just use me and no love is shed but my blood has been blead i now I'm going to cut deeper than before down the road and i won't come back maybe then you will miss me you never even try to kiss me you just throw mental torment my way as wicked as you are you beautiful to me but all you see in me is something you can take and take till I'm all used up and more and more pain i receive i gone no more me I'm out of **** to be taken so go find someone else you can use

my reflection i hate because of the man who made it because i look just like him i can't stand being the man who i hate hurts so much knowing were exactly the same its such a shame and who's to blame me myself and I i ******* hate those guys but I'm not surprised who doesn't hate me I've been so ******* depressed lately not in my in my normal mental state now I'm ******* crazy but who's to blame me myself and I i ******* hate those guys but yet again I'm sitting on the floor sleeve up cutting because i need to be punished but its funny that my girl can do whatever she wants in the whole wide world and i have too sit and be quiet well ******* i will never be silent just crazy and violent **** everybody idc and people wonder why I'm pulling out my hair

I guess I'm dying cause all my friends and family are crying but at the same time I'm happy idk why but its good someone other then me is beginning to cry I'm sorry i told you all these lies this is all i can say on my death bed i haven't said enough but idc anymore cause I'm alive right now and i don't give a **** what people are thinking or saying because I'm finally at peace with my self and i don't have any more mental anger ik now things in the past weren't my fault I'm sorry i treated you like **** I'm sorry i couldn't cope with myself and I'm mainly sorry i hurt you i can probably name a hundred people i have hurt physically and verbally and mentally I'm sorry i just hate myself not you and if your reading this i hope you know I'm getting my own consequents

i keep falling down and i am praying for somebody to save me but who would wanna help me who would wanna save me I'm am the monster that is pushed away hated feared but in the end i rip my self apart and deny it and hide it but I'm done trying to live a life that dose not work so keep pushing me away because one day you will never get me back cause i will let my insanity in and you will never see ethan again because that part of my mind will be dead and no love will ever come from me again just pain and misery i wish you could see the bad part of me the part that hides in the dark absess i call a mind because my mind is something only see in their nightmares even god knows better then to look in my ****** up head even the devil is afraid of me god why won't this mental torment let me be but I'm not that lucky so run away from me or see me in the middle of my insanity

give me the gun and the bullet  I'll put it up to my head and pull it cause its suicide day and I'm the main performer in this parade scratch the gun give me a blade so i can slit my throat or my wrist isn't this wonderful life so bliss just kiss me at my funeral cause i won't live another day I won't make it through the night I'm using all my might I'm tired of putting up a fight easing my pain with zanies and gin I just wanna sleep so give me all the pills i'll take the whole bottles just for thrills what why you sad is it because I'm bad just give me another pill i bet you will thats how you try to save me not with love just with drugs the old me died he od on all these a.d.h.d medications i feel like its me against the world why me i just don't want to see i just want to die cause when i look into the mirror i see a brain washed teen with issues so **** me slowly cause the pills make me feel numb so i just want to feel anything even pain cause I'm insane so take out my brain cause i don't need it cause i go through my day like zombie just floating through the day this is how the world made me no one will cry when i die just cheer and shout that I'm out of this world so idc anymore cause I'm all ready dead can't you see my slit wrist and the bullet in my head

surround me with your love and your grace take me away in this embrace hold me close and never let me go i don't want to leave but your but your pushing me away with every word you say the pain gets worse and worse  and this feels like a horrendous curse like i must submerge and hide deep within away from all the pain and all the sin i remember when you were my sanctum i could tell you anything at all but now i can't trust a word you say because you were corrupted by the evilest of them all me.

you ever meet that one person every time you see them you feel like you would die for them cry for them lie for them but in return the **** with your mind playing head games that got you crying and i know how this **** goes so I'm sitting in the corner sighing love is evol e-v-o-l i feel like I'm under her spell she knows me so well isn't this swell wish i never met her wish i never kissed her because now I'm obsessed with her she has me wrapped around her finger and i stay there just to linger but she is slowly killing me and i don't give a **** i love it anything she gives me i love pain misery hardship sadness despair talk about life not being fair where do i begin well I'm a spawn of satin from hell and then i met the antichrist and i fell in love 2 of the most evil people in the world making love doing drugs in love i was happy as could be till i found out i wasn't free she would never let me be after i said lets get clean she kept talking about cheating and it ate me alive i felt like i couldn't survive and she just laughs at me but i love her and now i don't now i do what do i do its up to you

the voices in my head tell me to walk away from the pain and misery that is suffocating me i beg i plea for them to stop torturing me let me be my silence is just another word for my pain the voices are screaming in my brain showing me my flaws making me want to put a gun between my jaws and pull the trigger i will just take another swig of the liquor to silence my pain i wish god never gave me a brain i feel like a wild beast which could never be tamed people tell me I'm insane i say you only see one part of me which is being ripped apart.

im not okay I'm not alright my life is finally coming to an end but I'm trying to pretend that I'm ok I'm alright i don't know where I'm going but anywhere is better then here I'm sorry to all the ones i love jade I'm sorry i loved you but we weren't never meant to be life together would have never worked I'm sorry but this is the end and now its time for me to descend.

my souls dead corps is trying to crawl back into me like a dog scratching at a door.

oh how i wish i could escape oh how i wish i could fly oh how i wish i would just die i wish i could just walk away from the pain that suffocates me daily i know i will never amount to anything at all but i am going to attempt to pick up the pieces from which I'm scattered to be honest  i will never be the same way i once was because I've been beaten broken and bruised these ******* girls i get so aggravated that my brain swirls i can't even remember the last time i actually felt loved by anybody at all i help everyone i can but no comes to pick me up when i fall what about me........

im a lier
a guy who sets fires
hopes for love
and prays for death
hope this poem is my last words
and i hope this wonderful life to
finally meet is end maybe i will defend this life one more time or i will just end it with a knife i know I'm not perfect just stop pointing out my flaws i wish i could lock my jaws so i would stop saying stupid **** i hate this life why god you put me in these shoes people have no idea how many drugs i abused

i feel the cold steel of the blade as i drag it across my skin i drank 5 bottles of gin so i would be able to cut to the bone i know I'm a bad man thats why I'm going to hell this depression was a trip and my suicide is where i landed i can't even look at my right hand its too ****** and scared up people keep telling me to keep my chin up well it fell and now I'm stuck in a well called depression and it turns into most of my aggression i aint trying to give you a bad impression of me or who i am I'm just stating facts and to all these **** that put me down i hope your happy now cause by tomorrow I'm gonna be in the ground i already lost everything that i love what is left for you to take  besides my sanity but thats been gone for years nobody knows how many tears I've shed how many drops of blood I've bled and all i want is some one who cares not some phony doctor that keeps shoving pills my way most people who know me are probably wishing this was my last day on this earth I've wanted to die since birth no one knows my curse and then on top of all the ******* people try to say oh it will get better they say stop standing in the cold it doesn't make you look brave or bold my only reply is I've got frost bite on my heart and now my whole world is falling apart all i want is some one who cares is there anybody out there

maybe because theres a voice always screaming in my head wish i was dead so many words yet none of them been said how many days been it since i slept  i think it was in december but i can't remember oh but I'm okay at least thats what my family says I'm alright but i know i want make it through another restless night everyday I'm in a fight I'm using all my might but I'm about to die and this **** aint a lie might as well try to  survive but who gives a **** i don't i know I'm dying  tho and this is the funniest **** to me looking death in the eyes and laughing in his face like this ******* life is a mistake so TAKE IT!

is it because i can write and because i never give in until i win is it because   i fight until theirs nothing left of me until i can't breath or is it because I speak my mind all the time i don't beat around the bush or because i hate the way i am or because I'm loud and I'm insane i can hear the voices screaming but i choose to ignore them and live another day what else do you want me to say i got nothing else to say today anyways

why do you cheat why do you lie I'm the only one who ever treated you right and i stay up all night trying to figure out why......... why people who see me still standing next to you ask me if I'm insane or just plain stupid and i say neither i say I'm in love and i can never leave she is the only reason i can breath and idc the consequences even death i could pay that price in a second i have nothing to loose I'm sorry jade but i can't stop drinking the ***** i will stop when you stop.

i feel like Judas from the bible expect I'm the one who is always being betrayed the one who's be played god can't You ******* hear me pray or are you just looking the other way what the hell do you want me to say i don't give a **** if your offended I'm dead and I'm walking and talking stalking my prey say something if you have something to say don't ***** out be man and stand up for whats right don't just let them win the fight

oh how i wish we never met i ******* hate you now but back then we loved each other **** love it was something more i felt it in my body and soul but then that feeling left when you took over when you took control thats when you started to make me sick mentally and physically i wasn't in control but i didn't know because you knew how to deceive me i have this feeling of sickness as i write this it hurts to remember now cause now i can see in-between the lines but back then i was blind by your love