So much excitement, so much ado about something
which of course it is not everything

I was thinking of forbidden flowers to grow
Now I'm back at my garden
My exotic garden of my own
My mind, my mind in a fog
today
that accounts for everything I guess

If only I could be in my garden
with you...!
everything meaningless
and so meaningful
at the same time

Be aware of the wires
isolating your soul
The wire is only a tool
not somewhere to hide
You've been hiding your whole life
Until right now you saw the light
The september moon makes me mad
But I help myself swim the tide

I buy my own tales
I fall for my ****
No matter what happens
I will always find a bad omen
on it

If the moon is darkening
my canvas this time...
Death is lurking in the shadows I know
It's been months I feel her close

Be aware of the wires
that tie you like tight rope
and seem to come from your true heart
but how to hike this landscape
without all my untasty vices

I feel so stupid
I feel so out of place
I feel so out of myself
Careful, careful with health
Careful with homeostasis
It surely kills if not handled well

I created this paradise
and now I feel weird on it
It's still mine, still nice
but there is a little yet itchy catch
that leaves me bitter while I write

But maybe it's the september moon
a wheel of fortune
in evil hands

Now you slip in and out
of mental states and thoughts
that you can't describe
but surely are breaking you up
You'll win in time
you can never lose that game
you never lose the bet
in life

Seven months of love
Of kissing in the mechanic stairs
in the gaps to fill of the day
we would flourish
Late nights at the keyboard
"I'd love to be at your side"

Seven months of wondering
what is all this about
Seven months of doubt!
of being pushed against the wall
and loving every minute of it
of going back and forth
waiting impatiently for your call
Your love, your love, your love! Oh
Seven months of paranoid thinking
"Will you cheat on me
Are you hiding something"
Usually, some of the time
of lit-up poems - you set me on fire
of waters in a roar - whole lakes that I own
of your steaming glasses - when we're steaming too
How you take them off
How I see you filled with love

Seven months of asking myself questions
that life throws to my face
they would never have showed themselves
hadn't you came

Seven months - that I spent telling myself each day
"This is not gonna last"
Yet here I am. Writing these confusing, life affirming lines.

Seven months of
psychotic
love

I
don't
know the truth

I see my future, in front of me
I got perfectly adjusted to it
Hustling here, hustling there
Will get a piece of myself...

I said, "no man - no cry"
I said, "I cannot back down"
My pen overflowed with words
Is it a statement of life or death?

I regained my words- my own
I love you, but I need my own pace
I won't ask you to follow - no one can
I want you close to me
but I cannot commit

Sleeping - it had no meaning
Running till extenuation - either!

You thought that I'd be
Your angelic lover, wait for you forever
Your sexless romance
The girl you took at 16 - a girl lonely
A girl to fulfill you, a desire never fully articulated
but strong enough
to keep me sedated
and yet I was not sedated
for you brought me to life
but now things are sour
different paths in life

You could never handle
me getting rid of it
me being more than a shadow of your dreams
Farewell! Farewell maybe!
A sexless romance we handled over years
You thought I'd stay buried on chains and pills

Yet you were the first
to make me shake, make me weak
Yet you are the blueprint
A distant blueprint in time, one I had but never touched
Now I'm free, you don't wanna be with me
Now I'm walking, you'd rather I sit
Do you? Is this true?

You thought I'd remain there
that I'd stay forever
locked in your cage
sweetly caged waiting for you to speak sweetly my name
like a promise of life you never touch
but i'm busy keeping up with my own

There is a shadow in the heart
Guitars in my ears
Plastic and somewhat real
The beauty of my moor, again here

I see the beauty, but am I made for this kind of beauty?
Am I a part of this world?
Something feels on and off
I saw things clear for the first time
Leyre, take your time, don't hurry up
I saw myself trying to be something else
than a back to black, hiding in my warm cocoon
"I don't want to be a living dead anymore"
But am I made to be something they are not?

I've been running away from years
or was I simply doing my thing?

And I saw it clear
but the shadows in my heart
won't let me see it clear enough
No more lies, take it slow from now on

I am a newbie to the world
trying out options
that I never thought
so this fear it's natural

Where is my mind?

I know you are going to rip me in pieces
this might be no good
As you once did
But I am bound to, can't stop running to you...

And I've been trying to get away, do my life
Meet other guys, kissing them in cars
But I can't help it, you must be the one, you do
And it hurts a lot to be in love with you
because it would be much easier not to
You are the shady guy who makes me shake in desire
You are a reason to break my heart

And if you rip me up
once again and you don't understand
I will have to go alone, on my own
thinking of you every ******* night

(Oh, I've tried to love you
gave myself time to
but your candy is not enough
to keep him at bay
to make me stay

And I wish I could be in love with you
how grateful I am for all you do!
Your blue eyes could be the beacon to light up the path
But I am fixated on my thick glassed guy
And oh your light is not enough to cover up his steamy tracks)

Will you set me free
why did I have to fall for you?
You will break me, but
you get me so high though
Are you a light in my alien ride?
Will you shape my whole ****** life?
What the ****?

I was all high
And I didn’t even realize
I stare at the glass
My face, but not my mind
And I see the surgeon I was
Only with tears and headache this time
Everything dissolves in life
Every hint of disorder dies.
Everything breathes in contact with soil
Everything suddenly is suffused with joy
A hurtful joy, that fears its demise.
But ah, such is life. A dance with death all the way!

Today I drown, today I shake
Today the sky looks grey, and I feel in pain
Although I fear my soul knots again.
I drowned my head in the water, just in case it hurts.
(I better solve my problems with this move)
Poetry, I love him, I wish I did not sometimes!
Poetry came to me slowly, like a light.
Maybe a searchlight, because of the dark.
And the pain I could not take, poetry would do her share.
Maybe I should portray her like a lover, and make her a man.
Or do I forget?
I broke up with my boyfriend because I needed to breathe lines,
Angels whispered in my ear it was about time.
And the final answer was I needed his body against mine.
“You’ve been there before, *****, you’ll make sense of this”…

It might be gone,
but today I grab my raincoat and wait for the worst.
No rainbows, but this song.

I am back - I never went away
All you've been - all you are today
The heart never rests, it heals and re-creates
The glass breaks to the old tunes
It never forgets

So, tune in to this old station
Of songs awakening dormant wide-eyed passions
And watch her come back, say look at me
We are one - we will always be

And I show this stranger her real name
And we talk in the rain
Washing out our pain...
And she shows me the path
In a meeting from above that goes beyond time

She is back, she crashes into my brain
She is dead - but I am not dead yet
And it was true - but I could hear something else
The distant voice - the scream - of the old self
Saying, showing:
"The wounds you carried
they beat below the stitches, but it's not the pain only,
it's the heartbeat of the living"

Everything is dying and eternal,
waiting to regenerate...
watch out for the demons
but speak to them first

Where does this **** go?

"Oh, this ****
I gotta analyze this.
Because indeed something makes me nervous,
therefore I can't come"

But I did,
I saw your ****,
I saw your face,
and I did.
Paradise comes quicker.
I wanted you,
but your thought did not want me.

Is today a good day
for barren knowledge?
Barren day

This is not real
this is not the place to be
I have cut my limbs

Am I passing to the other side
which side this time
Information coming from all sides
"This is my strength, this is my fall"

I just want to die and cry

Ahhh...you people...(me therefore)

Fleeing - suddenly
like a glass about to overflow
Running away - for no reason
but voices and visions
later I'll clean my mind
but the clouds make the rain
that wash my eyes

I wake up and I’m in fear
Last night I could not either sleep
I can’t sleep and I can’t live
This guilty tremor never leaves
Everything speaks about sin

And there is darkness everywhere
There is a darkness in myself
From the light bulbs gathered
The light bulbs, that make me scared
The light bulbs, they are so fake!
I fall further staring at them
So smothering they choke me every day
it's all me, it's all them

My head is mush, all mashed force
I can’t tell right from wrong
I am all emptiness and God
He is sickly – this I know but won’t show
Who is him, though?
I see the light bulbs - never the Sun

I call out the angels I’ve been told
Nothing higher than my beloved yoke
A light – it’s just another torture, another bulb
I am afraid to my core! So I can't get out
You can see pretty easy - I drown
I am beautiful because I'm dying

Side A, Side B
Like a broken vinyl
I spin, I spin

Side A - I am happy, I feel fine
Side B - my fears, crippling me at once
I battle between sides
They keep playing in time

Side A, Side B
driving me mad
this is my stability
this is my path

Side A, Side B
crying alone in my bed
my holiday torture
my Friday of pain
Side A, Side B
flipping from one to other

My paranoia,
my love,
fighting
non stop

Lonely masturbations and late night cries
It never stops - the joke is alive
and so is the laughter inside

The siege state ends
and when we rise from our graves...
we will lose our minds
if we haven't before
are you strong?

I am drifting away
losing all of my sense

Siege state for the soul
Can you spare me some

I thought I could laugh
but the enemy lives within
siege state covering everything

No virus like your own
Hold on, hold on, hold on
I am surviving right now
But I will come back
(you should do as I)

Everything is alive
because fire, simply, does not die
and if you are crying tonight
your life won't fade away like that
hark! it will pass.

Silence, you won't hold me hostage
again
I'd rather burn the house and scream
to avoid the pain
than stay in the sidelines and wither
slowly
with my doubts and my words
making me choke

I will ask and beg for what I want
This is my new attitude towards the world
Silence won't cut my throat
with her sly knife anymore
Before you speak, think
that's not advice, it's just ****!

Because silence won't save you, at all
Silence will simply keep the dogs at bay
while the bomb ticks away
Silence is razors at 16 years old
Silence is slow death
Silence is...an emptied space
a form of decay

Silence - you are not the way
I have known you for long
so I know
Silence - you might win the battle
but not the war!

My life is being  changed in so many ways
Silence and sound, everything gravitates
Silence when I'm full
Silence when I choke
Sound when I'm in heaven
when I'm in your arms
Silence and sound
Hidden but always present

And I feel too good to frame it
into a song
But something's missing then,
something's just a little wrong

I see the world
I see for miles
I'm stuck, I cannot write
But I could fly

I am seeing a different side
I haven't been so happy in a long time
I think...
I haven't been more conscious
that art is needed but so is life

The words flutter in my head
Life does!
But it dies in my guts
But it never fully dissolves
You are always who you are
That's the best thing
That's the worst.

There is something I cannot catch
something's on its way to sprouting
I better water it
I better empower it
Even if I feel dead sometimes

Silenced, still
and enjoying
the time awhile

cooking in me
within
silenced I am
watch me, watch me go...

drowning in scenes, things
drowning in lacks
drowning in myself
To find with time
A little piece
of me...

It all boils down to this.
My metal legs could squeak.
I tell you my secret, so you know.
I don't know if you can take it.
You are no me (we already have enough
with an amoeba here)
But you like me,
strangely...

We might try, we might try, we might try,
but I might get undressed and you might get scared.
Or simply repelled...

He didn't save me
but I saved myself
close to him

I don't need him
but everyday is sweeter
when we are near

He's vital like fun
He's candy for the soul

I am the **** in love
And I just can't get enough!
He feeds me thirst for life
"Is is too real for ya?"
Sometimes he drives me mad
but our love is thicker than that

I don't need him
but he turns pitch black into bright pink
he's a spell I don't want to ignore
this man I do love

You made me smaller
To you - all devoted
nothing inside me - but you, you, you
I became so distant from my truth

You reduced me to a cartoon - no longer a girl
or a woman for that case
You reduced our love to a quick bed -
and I accepted it so well
Losing, dying and I couldn't help
Crying, rotting away!
I could see it sometimes, but didn't dare to face
Now I've got clear vision - I see for miles
Everywhere

And I don't want to go back to that place
to that state
I feel strong. A real life size girl.
Smaller. Love made me a Bonsai girl

On you I was fed
but it was poison running my veins
in the very last days
It never was enough
I just want to grow!

You were not aware - I buy that
but now I am - I gotta take care
I might have lessened myself -
but to step back it's okay

They say I can't be a feminist and **** ****
They say my fantasies are capital sin
They censor my speech
They also like to say I'm quite meek
But too wild when I finally chill

They say I can't date a man older than me
They say this girl - who does she think she is?
They say I can't be on pills and against my chains
They say I can't bite the hand that feeds
And they just don't understand me
They say so much about me! I can feel it over my head
But I learnt to do something instead

So much hate and misunderstanding I get
But I use it to dye my hair
And prance like a peacock around
Showing my weird pretty feathers

**** it!
I know all your ****
It just won't soak up on me

A smile
she shows her teeth shy
Now I do bite
Now I feel, now I am alive!

All I can say is: okay, it's okay,
I have nothing else to say
but this fullness of existence
And somehow, I am not in the least afraid
sometimes, I can't even feel the pain
the world is sure an ugly place
but look at the Sun
look at the sky, look at the plants,
take a hard look! look at people's faces
a world like this, can't be doomed to exist
the world is sure a disgusting place
but I can't really see it today
I'm too mesmerized
by the music playing everywhere
everything holds wholeness
everything is complete
I am, at least
and I am the Universe
today I feel at ease
it's so easy filling a modern girl, I guess
just give her love, give her art, give her ***

I feel satisfied
nothing could get me as high
this peace, this certainty
everything's gonna turn alright...
everything already is fine...

Our love is plastic
he won't go far
but so far
let's have fun

It goes nowhere
but what am I supposed to do?
I am confused, but today -and now-
(I think) I feel good
He grinds against me and
the lights are dim
and the reggaeton beat
and his lips...biting me

Smells like cheating
Smells like lack of clarity
Smells like danger
Sounds like a party banger

He is like smoke
getting in my lungs
he will be gone
but so far let's have fun

And this is a kind of beauty
ephemeral
but not true
not real
wake me up from this dream
please
I like it, but it feels stolen
not my own

Now you are away
I can write you down
I don't want to ******* now
but it's flattering
you want me so much

You are my Iago
You feed on my fears
You are a snake
A snake to me
You show me the ugly side of things
when you barely understand them
Filling my mind with **** taking me nowhere

I am starting to get tired
of you whispering in my ear such crap
Take away my glee from me
I am starting to get tired
because dear life is not an app
that you can test and you can try

I am starting to get tired
of having a second father
found in you
I am starting to get tired
of your rational stuff
You fooled me once
won't fool me twice

So hooked!

I can't make up my mind
this drug kicks in too much!
So hooked!
It's such a rush
that ends up in hell's town

I haven't gave up on you yet
you're my cigarrettes!
So hooked!
Sparkles of him fly on the air
and crash against my man's face

So hooked! So caught!
So scorching - but so hot
So tiresome - why can't you let go?
Why can't you let me walk?
Towards my new road

There's something dead between us two
I killed it. Or did you? Did we?
Things are not the way they've been
Although I fought till bleed

There's something dead between us two
You're here, but I'm still ******
You're here, but the problems still knock
Is it true or do I Project again in you?
There's something dark between us
But not comforting as the night

Can I saVe it? Can you?
There's something dead between us
we better acknowledge it
before it spreads up

There is something inside
that you just can't ****
it's the eternal
the chtonic
the real thing
it sleeps for years
next century it lives

You can't stop thinking
what about getting high
on life's drugs

It's nightmares
and dreams
it doesn't hide from you
so why did you do?
Can't speak anymore
yet my mouth dies to!
Sometimes I am too paralyzed
by pleasure
and the rest of the time
I am paralyzed by the afterthought

Just don't let it go
Let it get gone

I am so glad, so many reasons to smile
yet something rots inside
why, oh why?

Everything crystalizes
on me
It leaves a sour taste
after all I've lived

And little questions, little feels
that really meant nothing
Crystalize like you hadn't seen any of it
You keep analyzing - as you always do
But the chills he sent you
those were real, those were good

I am so spineless
You really cannot take my word
that I will or I won't
I don't understand myself
why I behave this way
Unable to say
I'm a riddle, painful and puzzling

Everything I said I knew I wouldn't - I did
Life carried me - like a devil?
It all began like a game
don't know how to break the spell
we threw to each other
I was powerless, swept
But I kept saying, "yes"

Yes, yes, yes!
The word comes to my lips
Because I love you to debris
I must do something, stop this wheel
Before you and I
are crushed beneath

This is an open heart surgery
It hurts!
But it must be done
To carry on

I've been spinning in circles
And now I see truth somehow
I refuse the past, though
Yet I can see for miles now
The Magician has thrown me a ball

But this is no good
I've been going misunderstood
I yearned you...but I thought I could
do something apart from you

Anxiety everywhere
filling always the place
Addicted to drama and pain
kept going there for days

Oh! It was hell to be
trapped in between
always thinking of you, thinking of him
This place of despair I filled with chicks
Further falling in
the pit of me

This hole I try to fill
this hole that ***** my morals down
but no shiver comes

Why can't I stop seeing and thinking?
I forgot feeling
I should have known this

I have a fear.
A thrilling pulse in me
Sometimes I shake, a foul taste in my mouth
And I wonder what this is all about
This wrong feeling, mixed with love
If we are witchcraft, I will be ******

And something surfaces out of the dark waters
Stability? Are you there?
Are you to blame?
Old friend, never knew your name

First I had the stars
First the explosions, bright in the sky
A stream of beauty, shot to the heart

Stability - I never knew you well
All I know is boredom, but she's your evil twin from hell
I am not used to happiness
I tend to mistake her
I am not used
to the canvas being stable and clear
Stability, can you hear?
That the canvas was always black for years
And I dwelled in lower ways to live...

Am I so used to storms
a grey sky can only predict thunder?
The canvas might be not bright but it's constant
Constant love being pumped
Like a drug, you won't be withdrawn
Stability, what's this?

Stability, who are you anyway?
Are you to blame
for
my insecurities (a lot)
my million fears in love
just because
I don't know your embrace
and I have to pull away?
I might get used to this
to the peace
after it

Oh baby I love you much
Oh baby you love me back
But yesterday
I snapped

I am Carl Sagan - cannot hide my love for your stars
You are a wizard - keeping our magic inside, bottled up

I felt like crying in the street
Over the songs you used to send to me
You make me shut my mouth about us
I am Carl Sagan - a mouth I open too much
I am like a child, cannot hide my smile

*You are growing up, you are growing up
Don't let anyone make you steer from the direction you really want
Where you heading to? The stars, named after us

The last time things went this way
My brain was set to flames
I screamed, but nobody heard
Not even me, the wails went underneath

I can spot the patterns, and I stay quiet, in awe
Everything looked perfect: it was rotten though

But things do not repeat themselves like a broken record does
The clique, the clique and drinks
And strange thoughts and changes at home
My sick visionary mind catches all
Disturbing presence, uncanny feeling
in the guts
All of it true, but...

Things are not the same now
But there is an imperceptible sound
A reaction in the blood
A world to lose

The same death
The same purgatory
The same hell
All concentrated in but one second

The last time I underwent this
I nearly died
It's up to me to decide
or not
but I'll try

I declare the state of poemless
Most magic fled from me
I will keep myself on this plain bread
But I can't stop thinking of the garden that was there

State of poemless, seeking pleasures
but the pleasures are gone
There is a hole
in my guts
I've been here before
but that's ****, it doesn't matter anymore

I stumble around in my head
I ****** up something I cannot really name
crashing
making noises that cloud my Sun
I was ****** up before, sure
but I had outlets, I had doors,
I was not as lost
I focused on the wrong, after finding a door
I obliterated it - like I did back then

Only the blows from God move my mouth
All I need is the clarity, where I left it at?
Reality hurts like a sore wound
Reality is the solution, but she hides

Because order is a *****
because neatness is a punishment
This mental jail won't **** me
but this time I won't fight like
I always did
It's not a matter of lose or win,
it's a matter of...discovering
of using words in a way
that they are not words anymore
of waiting for the storm
to finish, for the rain to wash
Still I feel empty, I feel not great
How could I in a state
of beautyless?
I am still a part of the sky
but my light is going dim
it hurts, it hurts, it hurts

Every door I knock
it's closed
Who to blame for

I seek the answer
But I'm deaf
to myself

Who the **** am I?
All I love
becoming obsessive and heavy
Reason won't ease this pain
Heart has totally tangled it up
Total state of war
how can I stop it

Your arms, your arms,
your love, your love
Did I **** it? My hotline to the world...
I need to let you know
that I love you so
but I am at war, war, war

It seems impossible, that this be over.
Yet it hurts, so it's not the answer.
I've been here before, when I was lost.

I try to think of something positive,
but the black always comes back for me.
It gets in the way of everything.
My thoughts are not mine again.
And I get this sickly pleasure
in the war
I see the wounds heal
and I start to think
that it brings me joy to be here

I am so tangled up.

We are posting photos
and you're gone
We might be lost forever
if you want
now tension has shown its face
I feel a strange relief
a strange peace
in being here, alone,
with my family of the heart

and a strange pain
of losing you
you were helping me fight
my winter
but you fought too hard
you fought too hard

"This feeling is the byproduct of schizotypy, rituals, and doubts."
But there is a hint of truth, a hint of love...
the love we are trying hard to sustain...
Black and white, mixed in a strange grey.
As usual...
But still with a lot of contrast...
Black and white, crazy thoughts in the backyard of my mind.

DO YOU LOVE ME?
Do I love you?

I wish I could write.
But nothing's going right
I have to touch the sky
I have to arrange myself again

Sometimes insights cross my mind
They are so thick and deep
I can't digest them sometimes
It hurts to be back at square one
At 13, when my world stopped
And I got off it. Got off from me.

It's scary to walk down
the alleys of borrowed thoughts
(that's what it was)
Yet something mine was there,
all the ******* time
It's scary, I feel shocked
But now, I know
I can't speak the whole...
because I am overcome

And I heard her speech
but she didn't really help me.
I need my angels and my demons
to work but never be summoned
We live well this way

Do I connect things which
really have nothing to do with
Jumbling, collecting, scrambling
my thoughts today, in a cloud of restlessness
Unenlightened mist...and a bit of fear

And here's the irony - I did it again
Life, laugh at me
I do not care as long
as I get your cheap thrills.

Strolling down Móstoles - I am
Going to meet my man.
The world is an omen right now
schizotypal delights
of *** - over anything else
but they are plain delights
today
The omen of joy itself
The world is perfectly untidy
The world (or me?) needs nothing but loving

Men are looking to me
and they mean nothing
but they mean everything
as I'm close to you and me
**** omens, in the street
everything is the way it should be
Perfectly in time, every beat
As I stroll around with me
in my poppy and short skirt

I am eager to meet you
and this is the prelude to us
We, that set the sky in flames
with the whispering of our names

Finally, we all settled down.
And things make sense only now.
(May God **** me if I ever settle down
the way they do!)
Jobs and kids
We've got lives, at least
There's nothing I'd rather wish!
Miraculous, and so ******, it is
We became "adults" - but some of us
are caged still like kids
like birds
who sing

Finally, we got a path
We sowed what we reaped,
but life hasn't been a ***** - to us
We all got over those ugly years
Where you sold yourself and I drowned in fears

If we meet, what will be of me?
If you look at me,
you will see a freak,
(in all senses of it)
It's no surprise - we got only who we are
I'd **** to know what's on your minds
On the sad place, where our dreams got crushed
I see it floating like debris on the water
Did we really got over? Are we still indebted to the past?
Was it true what we did then - was it a mistake we should pass?
Like an old skin that, oh, snakes shed
Are we the same snake at all? I am, and I am not
This mystery of the self

Finally, we grew up
Who are we? Was it a tryout?
An existential tryout for us

Finally, we are out.
I do not wish to be back.
But I can't help to look back
And I have a weird feeling in my heart,
when I see who we are now,
this was a winning hand!
that things only get better
if you learn to wait in time

I saw tonight
Chests wide open
Waiting for me to grab 'em
Like fruits juicy and inviting
Electricity flowing

Beds of hair
lying on those chests
My pants are quiet
But my mind is already shaking
I could feel it in my bones
And then i got dizzy and cold
Lost myself, lost ourselves
(A lower, non upgraded version of me
All the **** I used to be, trapped in non-me
The one I was before all this)
Suddenly I broke down
Into the cheeks of my forbidden? lust
I saw tonight life
Opening its lids in front of my eyes
but I also saw
all the toxic fumes i used to have

I am getting away from death
But death is faster than I thought
I don't wanna be lost
Not again, not more
God don't let me die
Drown in a pool of lies
Drown in my own piece of inherited land
I wanna see the light
shine so bright

[And live in soiled beds
And never pay attention to what they say]
Björk will save my soul
Surely selling my soul will do not

Do I want to be with you?
Bunch of faces that I die for
I am the daughter of a strange race
Struggling hard to find my place

So uncomfortable, yet so wanted
All the things today I felt...

Poetry of the subway
Struggling to find a path
The dark, cozy path
Leading to the heart.

I can spot the points where I fell
It's all a bunch of nerves
and arousal and unrequited love

It's all about getting used to ****
Demisexuality? I kiss way too easily
The old pathway reigns supreme
it always wins! If you allow it
I am gnawing on hard bones
I am getting attached to the hard drugs
that I never planned to get caught on
yeah, that's it: I'm ******* caught.
Erasing myself quickly - but no more
It's like getting used to a same song
(Obstacle 1 by Interpol played now)
and ignoring the myriad offered by the world

In your absence - I am something and nothing
In your presence - a electricity current
A drug shot to the vein, that makes me forget
about safety and health, and I beam
but I know it's not correct, in fact,
it's a mistake
because you and I will drown
in a well of pain

London opened my eyes
was it me? was it my friends?
River Thames
I knew you'd clean my brain

This will tear us apart
but I'm not in the mood for crying anymore
this question could paralyzed us both
It will tear us apart, it's tearing me apart
You ****** - with a tangled knot
You run away from this - but I can not

I love you, I love you, I love you
but there's a chain around my neck
taking away my breath

Remember when I told you to get away Fast As You Can?
You didn't listen, then!
Now we're here, happy and undone
Waiting for the sun to drown

It feels weird to say so
but I have to let you go.
Stop those frenzied hands
sweetly polluted by the memories
of yours all over my body...
Let them belong to someone else...
let them become other, let them grow further

The doors have been opened wide
They open when they wish, not at my whim!
A new world for me to taste
I've been delivered tonight
from your heavy spell
which meant nothing in the end!
It's just the meaning I want it to take

You were the fuel for my poems
but a fundamental change comes
Life is wider than a notebook.
Away, away from you. Always there too.
Nothing more than the soil for the new
I have to carry on. Can't be holding on to you,
breaking me down, making me grow fond
of your unattainable love!
and your promises, and your problems
which I do feel deep inside
but being troubled never stopped me
from trying to fly high
From eventually getting it
and joyously clap my hands

I feel lightheaded - but yesterday, I was
******* excited
I have to forget you, I saw it clear like water
Can't cling to your dream
a dream that is never fully fulfilled.
And his hand is below my skirt
and it gives me the chills
And his kiss, oh his kiss
Tonight I could die for this

I can't give up the habit!
You are deep ingrained in my circuits
But it's a thought for today
We can't spend eternity
begging for our love
I can't spend my whole life
waiting for you to come right
I just want to fly...but you are grounded
And I don't want to rot away
Flying - I just need to
And I have to, I tell you
Maybe you were just a part
of my chaotic life
Important, but not the core one

I still wonder how I did it
how could I ever survive?
How did I manage to keep a smile
every day of that tough summer ride

How could I put up not with one,
but two men at the same time?
How could I confess my soul to my friends,
write poems, not get trapped?
How could I distill so much from...so much?

I guess it was my furiously ***** hand
every night
how did I cope with all of that?
how did I ever accomplish that task?

I guess that strength lives still inside
I should never forget that

Let me rest
in our bubble
and allow no trouble

A bubble is lifting
me and you
above
their stress and their rage
now, we don't really care
the bubble - we are safe

The bubble might be weird
like you and me
but it's home, you see
it's all I really need

The bubble bursts
so the question is
did I cut my nails before?
I hear voices howl yet
a bubble is something to fight for

Our bubble is not made of soap
thin, making your eyes red
it is magic-enhanced glass
it breaks not at none of my blows
thickened with loving use,
like kintsugi cups

can I go to the bubble with you again?
can I never leave the place?

I am dying
Or at least it's the way I am feeling
I died with a smile on my face
Tell the moral majority
That will show them they won over me
They won't bring flowers to my tomb
Because they don't see the difference between death and life

I was rising from the dead
No you won't send me back there

It's like that
Every break up brings me back
Twists me up
shuts my mouth with normalcy and stuff
My poetry is magic - have to take care of it
Control well the energies - keep the spells with me

And I see myself
roaming the world without your hand
And I see myself
utterly lost but you're not to blame
Woke up from a dream, where the shapes were beautiful and sweetly moving
now I must learn living
so my eyes can see the shapes as they are: as in a dreaming state

I'm writing in a sweat - people will be there
maybe I need to accept my fate
Everything is periphery to me.
but fighting is hard, i get no pleasure from it

I can see myself
drowning after you
people make me drown
and beauty will creep
everywhere
it is.

Is life keeping me from life
in a twist where my very smile
keeps me tied?
To his side

Love is not a prison,
even if sweet
For in prison you can't feel
Love is a thread you do
because it's natural for you to knit
Love is a path carved with kiss

So I will let the waves drive me home
I'll grab my clothes and sail on
to my arcane knowledge of the world
to the remedy that always works, and also
to your arms

Am I falling sick again?
Can you spot the patterns?
Am I going back in my steps
Is my brain battling back
How to swim this tide
That smothers and chokes
I will be lost without your love

And I look back, I look back
into my wounds same old schemes
so obscene
I look back to find an answer
in the past
What made it break that time?
Old lovers coming back at me to haunt
Patterns, can I control?

Tarot cards and omens fly
I have a million lenses for a pair of eyes
They impair my sight
My body is reduced to my mind
And I cannot put my wings to use
And go to Earth - only truth

I forgot the path
was tough but always with a smile
I don't decide
Although something breaks inside
stirs up
refuses to die

Why I kiss death so sweet?
I have no control of this
But going back to hell
Maybe it's the only way

My brain is no good
Save me from
I am shredded to the core
And every bandage cuts more
Give me a kiss if we have to go
Don't leave like that - you made me ***

Sweet, sweet - lost my virginity to you!
Sweet, sweet - I am alive no one suspected this
Not even me

Sweet, sweet the days and the nights
caught by some kind of magical charm
the metal legs they can run
the flower is fierce and wild
as she always, but concealed, was

The year is dying and I am dying with it
that's what I feel
but this was too good not to remember it forever
this year will be remembered

Sweet, sweet - the year
lost in your arms, don't come find me
Sweet, sweet - we will go on
to further places of love...
and I see the future all black and tough
but if I train myself hard, if I learn a new spell
I will survive this hell...

Life will be sweet no matter what it brings
Just keep your eyes open - dance and jump to the beat
The beat you can't avoid to hear