There was a girl living in black canvas
There was a girl drowning in secrets
And a helping hand came to save her
from the dirt

She was only 16
But she knew heaven and hell - they go hand in hand
And this helping hand
was a so-called wolf
Was he a wolf? I still want to know

He drank her vital fluid for breakfast
She bled a slow death
A different one from the one she knew, but death,
nevertheless

To find venom where once love was found
He fed on her insecurity and her illness
offering a poisonous hand
That sends you to the couch, fall in love with ghosts,
happiness, happiness, maybe with a deathly touch.

And then we met again
always and never the same

And my eyes were colored a hue
But now the hue - I felt it change
what about a hue made of myself?
It's all I get

And deciding between those two irreconciliable tales I've spent nearly 8 years.
What is it really about him?

He's talking to me
and I'm in a daze
He's talking to me
And I follow what he says!
His shirtless chance blinks in my brain
A little less schizotypal, today
A little less awkward, I'd say
I blurted words in front of him!

I feel dazzling
but ah, I don't want him
He's not my man
He cannot give me these things

He's beautiful
just like you
He will grow to be your carbon copy
and find some ****** to do
But I want originals (it's true)

For the first time I didn't freeze
I just go with it...
What's this?

Like  a child throwing a tantrum
She's labeled a brat
Like a child that has grabbed hold
and won't let it go
without putting up a fight

First the tears came
now a whimsical anger goes
I am back to myself - 5 years again

I feel smothered when I come home
Smothered by my thoughts
All I want is your arms
All I need is us

A dream left - now comes back
If it was true, then it never died
I was only 16 and I was on the brink
I could faintly feel - I had dreams!
Of boys and girls and going places
and running wild and free
Was it real? was it make-believe?
It was, it wasn't - get used to it

She's resurfacing, her old shape
with a cleansed core
I am re-born
but it does not feel any worn
Eternal and old

And mom and me ate Chinese that night
And I got ***** thinking about you and I
And the sweet ghost of *** hovered around
and I wasn't distraught!
I wear warm sweaters because I feel cold
Can you help me take it off?

Bitter honey - and ham and cheese
Was I cognizant then? Of everything?
Still in the dark - still a ****** dressed in black
But a dim light, a dim hope that now catches back
Half-mourning, half-awake, half-alive
Everything comes back in time, waits for the time
to be ripe

We began to dream one day with a kiss
But it's getting obvious this is just a heavy dream
This candy is lethargic and lulling
Makes us full with nothing, and...
He's winking me from the other side
Who's winking at those blue eyes?

We've got lives before us
We were complete before the start.
Much more exciting and realer than this -
we are on a ride I know will die.
You had your **** hard.
I had a photographer man.
(who makes me hot in turn)

So we are dreaming and it keeps us going
but a dream is not real and it will have to get gone one day.
I will get back to him, my root of desire.
At least, such is my wish.
You will get back to yourself - away from me in a way
and my smoke and my mirrors and my steam
I don't want you - but the dream makes me want to blow you
a kiss.

Temporary - like a tattoo at the pool
in the heat, wet from your bath
this too shall pass,
but do things die?

Temporary - the pain
temporary - the Sun's rays
they will hide away
only to come back again
both the peaks and the rock bottoms
will dissolve, will end

Are they real? What is real?
temporality should be your glee
take it easy, take it light
you'll prevail

Temporary - this feeling of despair
Temporary - because it does not stay
Temporary - this **** that I can't take
Temporary - no more, no less
"what did you expect?"

Everything's temporary
like lost heartbeats that add up
to the melody
like footnotes that carry all the meaning
everything's ephemeral, but...

ah...

in the amidst of time
something sticks out
wait a minute
maybe death isn't real
maybe this is for keeps
and eternity is not a full fib
maybe I will exist
if I forget while I hold
my temporality

In this terrible weather
where nothing ever happens
so uncomfortable,
so unreal, so blue
still, I saw the flowers bloom

Because you can't gag or bind
the force inside

Weirdest summer ever
but still we dare to walk
Scared at first, kept in our house
tears and cravings
over the Sun left outside
furious *******
we have to stay alive!
Thank God, thank God
We'll seize the day, and the nights
We'll outdo survival, turn it into little magic
to cope
not to die

The Sun approves.
It always does.

I see the children walk from school
I watch the people eat their food
and a hint of poignant - when watching
all the hustle, all the natural and good
It's the earthly order and power in chaos
It's our silent scream towards adversity
our ******* to paralysis,
the idea that nothing will make us stop
"we refuse, in fact, we can't give up"

And you say that it's affecting you
and we all are under the weather now
we can't give in, though

This is survival
and it's ugly as ****
but it's a scar we can learn to dignify
so kiss me, touch me, **** me
in those strange times

And I came thinking of you somehow
It wasn't you, but it was close
the shadow of a man I saw
It wasn't expected but so is your love
You are an undeniable impulse
But so is he, in his very own way

And he is not real
but he has a point
he touches a side of me
if else asleep
Do I need to be free to reach?
What is this funny sparkle I feel?
Why it waned?

"Thank you Icelandic eyes
Thank you **** webs
Thank you holy break up
Thank you Twitter girls
Thank you friends
Thank you poetry"

He's the burning ice
And he's the everyday fire
Two sides of me
that I must reconcile

I am dying inside with all this ****
which shores up my soul
But I am seeing a new road
I need my vision dose
I saw my meaning, an answer
This is a remain too
What should I do?

In memory of all those broken children. Don't let them win! Win back your soul! Stand up! Fight!
PS: All you ******* could not **** me.*

That girl in the corner of the world
Shoring up the waste and the beauty of her soul
She died, but oh her corpse
I carry it some of the time

That girl that can't believe her own worth
That she's not utter **** or something worse
That she's human, has got a heart
and a body, and it needs to be loved.
The girl bullied anytime she speaks,
anytime she dares to merely be. In her ugly sweater and unsexy jeans,
tangled up hair, deadened stare,
her fear to breathe, for fear the air will choke her.
(It will)

She's dead. She had to die. Otherwise, I would have.
But that girl carries corpses and demons inside!
She smiles, so wide and bright
and gets high
on stupid compliments because she still thinks what she was told
or shown
or punched to accept!
The venom seeping deep in her veins
how to forget the dark in the middle of the day?
A goodbye when everybody has just arrived

She's dead. But I am not.
And now I flaunt my weirdness all along
and people love me
and most of all: I can love myself
and the pills they do help
but the path is carved by myself, I guess

Things I don't understand
only most of them!
And the night is disconnected
from the day
The body - walks away

This is all wrong
The wrong direction, the wrong road
Don't try to save face - just burn

The rush of thoughts
in my head
after coming
alone in my bed
A ***** fell from my head
Everything was going great
But that ***** made a mess

And there's no mess
in my morning mental musings
but I was tired of fighting
Burn love, it never saved me

I am the absent mother waiting in your living room
Away for long, I pop after being so gone
Battling on her own
I fought dragons in my brain and wandered around
I needed this time off
to pick up my pieces from the floor
(And I might go back anytime if I'm not careful enough!)

I am the absent mother - no one quite understands
I danced with souls and recovered my name
But this was my fate
I am the absent mother - I can't ask for love
Although something pushes me forward to
I've been places, you cannot even imagine

And we've developed from each other far
You can't come and claim love like a tax!
But biology is a bind - the biology of the times we spent together in the dark
How we fed each other when no one was
No matter how different, distant, we are.

And now I ring your bell coming home
And now you're surprised and a bit shocked
Glad, but still froze
Because I am the absent mother, the absent one
Because she couldn't live with a head - with wounds - now scars

The abyss looked at me
And I stared into his eyes, deep, deep
inside

And now he got a grab of my soul
Now I have to dissect what he brought
Now he ****** up my world,
no pleasure like waking up from his nightmare
in the light of love

How am I going to cope?
The wheel of fortune...superstitions
or truth above?

I've got a reflex inside of me
it snaps and stings
it's hurtful and it burns
Fire pushing fire
Made of anger and desire.

The first time I felt its call
I wasn't aware at all;
Cover the tracks of your lover
with another one
Topsy turvy thoughts, twisting you up and down
That rushing into someone's arms
in a state you cannot discern
But the river dried
when you turn off the light

Loneliness pushes me
prompts me in solitary, kissed dreams.
When you turn your back on me,
I turn to my instincts.
I creep under men's shirts. I stare into their chests.
Grab 'em.
(Was this learnt?
I can't forget it now
Am I real? Am I real?
Take a look below)

The second time,
I felt so attracted and needy of you
that I couldn't help but think I'd rush into anyone else
I dry my tears like this
With wild fantasies...

Any man does, anything goes
when drowning in the ocean vast
But no time for this
Because I've got your kiss

Sometimes a question lays open
(it happened to me for days)
It came out of nowhere.
And the answer you crave. It takes up space.

The answer is there all the time.
So stop looking for it every elsewhere.

The answer is blank – a kaleidoscope
it is nothing and it contains it all
and it screams at you:

Stop, stop, stop obsessing about things!
Enjoy the kiss and do not wonder what it means
Because you know, if you dare not
To ask and just hear the answer
Straight from his lips

In the back corridors of your mind
things hoard and thrive
can you take care
of this garden of phobias and desires.

Things look so clear in this distorted glass
But nothing ever really does

In the back corridors of your mind
your true self you find
It's made of pieces, of truths and lies

Be careful in the back corridors of your mind
they are light but they can get dark
they hold the key to your life
Be careful to interpret their signs
But it's easy really, as listening to someone talk

We were
amoebas
but we grew
and therefore
our bond was lost

We were underdeveloped life forms
yet being so consistenly formed
in our dreams and hopes
we were just waiting at the crossroads
for someone to pick us up

We were the beginning of life
back then
Embryonic state
everything to gain

and we have been picked up
I thank God - we could not stay there for long
even if now there is a threat of drought
all over my heart
do you get those? do you?
the saddest part of it all
a link is gone
we are flickering like a dying light
but hey, this is life
and it's not like we were empty now

I cut myself
with your thought
I cut myself last night
on your venom Kiss

He’s always been a demon
no good at all
with an angel’s face
I don’t know why I did that
Why I had to push the thought outside
The words came to my mind,
“Is this how you want the night to end?”
and next thing he’s charging with his body,
his lips, on me.
Waves of heat rolling…my chest it explodes, my body it burns
The starter (once), the killer.

Last night it was him, not you
Last night, it was painful
because I’m not loving who I love
and I’m loving that one I do not love
that one I hate

Incubus of you

You were not there
to share my happiness
my moments of joy
you never made it easy to enjoy
so now you can't watch me cry
You are blind
you don't have my sunshine
and you can't grasp my dark

Yes you'll help
To pick up my pieces but
you always miss
You dry my tears
but never know what it means
and make up an explanation
that fits

Because you talk, you talk, you talk
but you never understand
what lies in our heart
those of us living far from you and Dad

I know you are good
and I thank God
but you are wrong, too

I am a brat
with scars
in her arms
I am a brat
Bad behavior, rebellious child
Pure danger

Misunderstood - freak show
Spoiled - not tender
But there must be something
to which I pander...

I am a brat - a dreamer in arms
I am a brat - who decides that?
I am a brat - but you loved me back
I am a brat - that's been through much
I am a brat - I know nothing at all
I learnt it all in my own

I am a brat - a child still, you never let me go far
I am a brat - a girl that catches something and still yells
more! more!

I am a brat - maybe if you love me
we'll break the spell
or you'll join me and see a bit
of my reality through me

I hope this poem dies
I hope this poem is a lie
I hope this never comes true
I hope this poem dies

Am I under
the breath of death?
At it, at it again

Leave me a sweet taste in my mouth
Turning sour, bitter afterwards
Make me feel sure and at home
Then the big hitting - or none at all
Comes!
And that's how it comes - unseen, undone
And next thing - he's gone

I had higher, higher expectations for you
I broke what we had...
We need a resolution - what shall we find?
The runaway, you try to settle down...

Are we another story to be told
To strangers and not us?
Something that passed, nothing more than the shadow of a scar
A mark more in the gun.

I talk to my friend Bradley more than you
But I'm being bitten by the bug of doubt too
But I know he doesn't love me like you do
But there's a catch we have at which we have to look

And I struggle to meet you outside our bed
Which is sweet but it's not just everything
I need it most when I feel it's lost
I feel like I had lost something along the way
You are getting lazier every day
And I am getting tired as well
But you are losing things for real, maybe
But something's gone sour inside of me

Should I go out and bewitch them with my words
Should I open my wings and fly
flying is not half as fun as with you
but a bird cannot clip her wings, drop her life
I saw something in the water gazing at me
A shadow whose look I could not beat

And the tears come again
down my face
mom says don't cry for men
but it's hard not to
when you loved so much
It's hard not to when you gave your heart
When he carried you heaven above
When you shared kisses everywhere
and now just empty loving and space

And what if really we were wrong
and we cannot stay here in love.
And what if this was a dream
now I gotta go get higher things?

Always alone, without you
Ring me like a call girl
Is that what I mean to you?
Always ready for when you want
You said losing me was hell
But the only thing you care about is yourself

There's no use in keeping alive
what it's dead now
I had higher expectations for us
tHan ******* on you all the time

I miss us, I miss us
but we aren't there
You miss me, you miss me
But I have worn myself out
I miss you, I miss you
but I have no right to

So let's move on and stop
be something else to each other
even more!
stop stalling, fighting, going nowhere and on
Because I am a sweet pill and in your arms I lost my humanity
I am the pill who got ill
I am always the pill getting ill.

Let's get away
there's something off
let's break away
let's find a way
this is not life babe!

Clear like wáter
pure like snow

She called me at 13
I was trapped in the most deep
where life itself shines like fireflies
Turned into stars all of my fears!
I heard the calling; a change to be made

She's losing her mind - she's going too far
She's burning up - she's breaking down

So I painted my eyes black
and hung an LGBT flag
I got an account in the web
Started releasing things.
My playlists became punk,
Reading poems, I cried in class.
Started crying too in the back of cars.
Still I was holding to my old crap
because the dark oh there it was!
But my truth started poking its head,
knocking my door.
"You can't turn your back on me anymore"
Go down, go down, choke, choke
You will come out, you will come out.
I gave you metaphysical pleasure,
metaphysical pain.

Poetry, you left me when I left myself
Life was going to be hell, but you'd be there
The call of the wild - that's you
Pushing me forward, balancing me - you always do

And people around scared of me
So was I, indeed.
The call of the wild - I never heard you, but at times
Your voice screamed loud
But I can see you, in the old photographs
A ******, struggling - just like now
And now you are back - you show your shy weird face
An untamed flower shows its head - caress her

Life is this carousel that never stops
for anyone, so hold your breath
and watch the splendid beauty
of this ever spinning thing, its oscillations, its thrills
Exes, lovers, up, down, below, above
Friends and more, family - bound
Fears, hopes, love, intuition, life caught
on a single momento

The carousel might make you dizzy
then take a seat, regain yourself
and keep spinning, do it slowly this time

Are you taking the right path? Should you step aside?
Keep walking! You won't be lost
there's always someone
at the other side of the door
when you call out for help
someone's there

You were a casualty of love.
Nature is cruel like that.

Began like a summer flirt,
a cheap thrill
never got further than that
although I broke your heart

Fell for your words, fell for the speed.
Sleeping in your bed, had to kiss you first.

But everytime you got closer to me
you said I couldn't come
You're hanging on to a dead dream
One that squeezes you tight
Nature is cruel like that

And now I know my place
now my soul is spilled through my throat
now my body shakes unvoluntarily in his arms
I happen to break your heart.
A few words in Whatsapp
"I let you go", you say

Nature is cruel like that.
You let me go!
But you were not the one.
I didn't choose.
It was nature, channeled through me...

Beautiful meaningless thing
Little pretty ephemeral flirt
A vacation from myself
on the ship

And I can't write
another stupid rhyme
I am seeing things, connected in between
I am seeing patterns, blurry schemes
I see flowers, devoured by weeds
I see my metal legs, I see my whole life
truncated since 13
I see all my failures, too many to count
So many days in the dark
thinking it was me
I see everything
I see myself, trying to win
With a new ace on my sleeve!
Throwing light over years and years
Wonderful, harrowing feeling
tonight - but you are by my side

The circle is closing on me
The cycle is complete
Things are going to change
I am afraid, but I am more afraid to stay
here

Sometimes I think, I tend to think it's not worth it
All the dresses, all the pain, all the tears, all the strife, all the illusions,
delusions that will die.
The worst part of it is it's alive and dead at the same time.
You forgot you cannot make it in the city of lights?

I've lost my internal compass
did you take away, have you seen it 'round?
I want to talk, but I just blurt
I want to sing, but I just squawk
I feel unwell, too much **** to (un)say
The rabbit hole! Show me all!
My metal legs - they will stay
Why do I need to calm myself?
I get lost - a meta knot of thought
A jungle, made of concrete
A place, with no dreams.
A swinging smothering tide
A feeling you will lose this time.

Everything broke - me included
I cannot keep my mouth shut - I will lose this
It's not a fashion statement, it's a deathwish
It's not a whimsical desire, but my whole life
my tears dry
You say and you talk about reality
but reality is a many sided thing
**** their reality, never worked for me.
If you knew to which point I came to be broken
how much it has weighed down my wings from soaring
and only now I was flying...
I love her! I can
At a distance
So I don't break in parts
'cuz of joining

Now I see it the way it is...
It is complex, and maddening, and confusing
And beautiful

I gotta wipe you as soon as it can be
I gotta kick this made-up hate from me
Not remembering what you meant to me
making it all look so bleak
it's easy to dismiss once it has fled
or we have killed

But there was cracks of pain also
So much longing never met by you
There was madness, some things were not cool
It was me a bit, but oh it was you too
Every kiss a heart pierced by swords
Every week needing the drug
Every bruised moment healed, but constantly hurt

How to reconcile such aching
with such lust?
You would make me hot then do me wrong
And that would twist my little heart
All the tears, connected to those chills
To be with you anywhere, it was such a thrill
That's the crux of it!
How bound, how free!

The crux of it, now I am confused
about what is it with me and you

You could not chew my secret
It got stuck on your throat
I could not chew it either myself
but you made me choke
I was alone: the secret was my own.

I lost you due to myself
All the illness and perplexity
in my brain
If I am crazy now, you are partly to blame.
But ah, maybe I shattered myself.

You had a knife in your tongue - almost murdered me with it
I had a bruised soul - almost died of your harsh stroke

It's a wound I must handle with care
It is usually not gone, always lurking there
It only healed by itself and the warmth of the air
With your lips kissing it tenderly every day.

And I've seen you - first love (girl)
and I haven't cried
but I did afterwards
You broke my heart when I barely had one
You killed me when I was about to be born
But you couldn't.
I stand strong
and after years of solitude
I TOUCH MY BODY AND I FEEL GOOD

And now I am here
reborn
after the hurried abortion of myself
when I was young

I'm trapped, I'm bound, by you, love!
The devil, the dark - clothed in light
Unexpected, slow like honey
It crept inside me the feeling
The waters, raging
through my lips, speaking
unadvertedly
I didn't call them, but they were there
They were dormant - but oh hell!

How you pulled me, afterwards
The love, the heaven of us
To places I don't want to be
The devil came and seized me
brought me to my knees
The devil - these waves...swept, washed my feet

I must learn to see past all this
I love you, but not the way you did
Love is a great word people abuse
The grain of sand in which we built
everything
turning to
nothing
now

But that wild roar
I won't put away easily

I want to approach it, but it will **** us again.
I can't risk that; you're my everything.
I crossed the threshold; I did it to be brave
Now I'm burning on the fire, I am in pain.

And I had a vision today
Of the doors of hell
Maybe all you have to do is to look away
because else it keeps staring at you straight
And the word fakeness, the idea
chases me. I feel a restlessness in me
no matter what I do, say, or feel.

I simply can't go back
to my phobic reactions
To neglecting my own directions.
I remember how it all was
when I was 16 and younger (still young)
It kills me inside: I want what I want
your love
But there's a hole, in my soul
Did I open it with my hands
Did it open itself like that

But I love you, so deep.
This is my curse. This is my gift.
Visions please do not leave me
take me back - show me the real
A flower shows its head - caress her

He's been an enjoyer
I've been in my cocoon
While he drank, ******, had a good time
I was discovering the beauty of tears,
the meaning, the pain, the logos of it

Now he takes my hand
leads me to his world
And I drag him to my pit
So he can stare at it
Have a glimpse...

Now I taste the vines
Now I see the world
"I brought you my bullets,
you brought me your love"

Now we exchange everything
I'm his secret garden and nothing else I wish

Now the artistically broken girl
meets the charming, calm man
Now the shadow meets the Sun

Now he shows me the light
Now he shows me I've been blind
too much time
were I?

This is the price you pay
For being close - to her
A fundamental death of you
Clothed as life's substitute

But when the light comes - it never comes
His arms - I cannot react all I can
Maybe it's not my light
Where the **** is my light

I am a tangled, idle web
I want to untangle - for God's sake!
But my ropes are used to this
They find comfort and bliss
in the lack of beat
(And they build a rhythm, of the soul
A survival guide for the heart
A new generation
An old music
so everything's kept in place)
For it meant trouble, a lot of time ago
Can I go back to myself? Should I go?
This is the real web
What others put me through
I am nothing but the consequence
of what they did to me

Find an answer - real soon
Gotta move
even sooner

You are the cupcake from devil's lair.
Enticing, but carrying a curse within.
I want to bite you but you are no good for my health
You are a habit long acquired but not permanent
My health is decaying you will surely not help
Tired of your ghost howling around my pain

I got delivered from you!
Why can't I stay on that track
Why it always comes back
Why don't you become the soil
for new flowers, richer, taller,
to grow up?
It's a way to live forever - why is it not enough
for you?

My problems can't be an alibi
to break hearts and wreck havoc along
You are the one - who will do me wrong
You won't come back - why I can't stay on that track
Ishtar, where are you now?

There is a promise in the sky
I can feel it with my feet and my hands
It might become broken but I have to try
Even if this turns you on
It's breaking me down
You are my fears, and my hopes
all tied in a knot
You mean it all - but you shot yourself on the chest
I am not Sandra Dee - but I am not giving in

And I was terribly broken hearted
Emptied of what I love the most
So I rushed to write you a message
always at my whims! poor one!
a tool of God

"I should have loved you the way you deserve"
but what filled us was his absence
the mere reason we existed was to obliterate
my fate, as tragic and gleeful as it gets
love, that liberating chain around your neck
your life, your death

My memories crowd me and invade me
I wish I never talked to you again
This is not your place! And you don't know
that night I came
I bit my lip not to scream his name

Vicariously happy memories
because of what we could have been
were you not you and were I not me
but sweet reality always wins
a dream that's slowly choking me

Weren't it for you,
I could have never known like I do
Tool of God, sad sacrifice of love

I will give you back your books one day
This is the kiss I never gave you
the kiss you'll never get

I loved you like a refugee
I loved you because you were there
to cauterize the pain

Now I'm forgiven, I'm delivered
and I can go around with him
I hope you find her really soon dear
you deserve her, like a million
yeah that's the way it is
because it simply won't be me.

I was living a dream
I was merely trying to live
My sweet experiment
that others have with such ease

(In the spell of loneliness
every touch is magnified
in the spell of loneliness)

I was shooting my arrow, aiming at the points
The puzzle started to make sense, it was thrilling at best
I was arriving to the core of the question
I was digging Deep
painful but I'm in Deep need

Now all I need is
someone to lick my wounds
Don't know where I go now
I'm lost.

When I am falling
I see the house fall too

What if the house falls?
I built it with my heart
But a question lingers
is the house and me, therefore,
false?
Is it a honey trap I am building
is it made of stars?
Will I go back into my hole, my room
and never get out my mind
(never knowing who I am)?
Will I get stuck in my ways
and be a weird -always beautiful-
flower in a crystal bubble?
Like a bonsai, so stunted

All the joy - I meant it
All the tears - I did
But a shadow of doubt
Pushing me to the comfiness of the coffin
To warm freeze, no hands in your underwear,
no fears at all, for nothing happens here
what if it's better to take again the way
of the wire, the ghosts and the stump life

...
it is whispering what if?
What if this is death too,
what if I am a moth flying to the light,
what if I am desperately on the try?
What if it ain't worth no fight?

The house won't fall so far
This path is true: unsafe but so alive
The house is on reliable rock ground
Only reaver, tortuous land, my heart
The house leads somewhere - where, I do not know

My fear, my fear
like a broken link

Read my body wide open like a book
Read everything I've been through
The body speaks volumes
Like it we or not
Because...was I tainted from the start?
Did I divert myself in some point of the path?
Here I am
thinking too much
Maybe I should go back
to where everything came from

Maybe I should go back
To nine years old
libido still unpoisoned so
still not cracking
still pure
and ***** like love

13 years old
Shaking on a bed under the promise of love
Shaking on my fears, but still alive
and even too heavy with life
The wounds open, scars wide
It frees energy and pain

Then got lost
in me
Got foreign to me
Now I'm back
whatever it is
But there's a memorial sleep
in my limbs

Feeling like the ugliest thing
The most broken one
All I am comes undone
I woke up fearful, but happy because of you
Of all the love I receive
And never expected to
My brain repeats sentences
Neuroticism lies ahead
My fear reduces me
to nothing

Kiss me baby
Nurse me in you

The poison saves
if you know how to handle it

Another poem bred in hell
I thought I won, but lost again
You left a seed, grew into a ****.

A **** that doesn't let me breathe
Paranoid schemes that you used to feed
It suffocates my lungs, my heart
Strangling my chest
a doubt tearing me apart
The notion that you are not what you are

Fear of lies, fear of what may be
And I won't be able to see
Your lips they are for me
Is that dream real? I can't believe.

Why you don't reply my mail
What do you do when I'm not there?

You visit me like an omen from the past
If you knew me now, maybe it could last
I can feel my body tense and tight
like that old night, like that old good night

How you broke my heart - you are the point
where it all starts
Now that I am slave to a fickle rhythm
Thomas, if I catch you now, ai se eu te pego, man
Let me show you what I learnt so far!

I am not the same girl - scared and so in love
Now I am free and I roam till I get lost
I felt the force, this time it could work
I felt my breath as shook as it was back then.
If I could step in time and catch back my strength!
A dream to keep breathing, a dream to go on.

What’s wrong with pink?
With being girly,
loving the pretty or needing a kiss
With all the things I was taught
I was wrong to feel

I’m all pink – but you can’t handle me
And I do take pride on this
because I am not weak

Pink and fluffy – and it’s all okay
we want this - but you make us ashamed
I am pink but I still can be fierce!
I am pink, like flowers, like sunset,
like skin, I hold a world within
Let my quirky cute self be.
I am sweet but not a toy, you see?
I give my candy when, and to who I wish.

Two ways to lose your head:
in joy, or in pain
Being the feverish, cheeky fool,
or indulge in
self-destructive moods!

You think it's about deep or shallow.
You are at your most profound,
when you smile wide

I know what I choose.
I don't mind madness anymore.
I mind meaningless ache.
But if I have to accept or reject,
I know what I do.
I choose midnight long talks
and a million kisses and a million hugs
I choose being too high without drugs...
I choose feeling frequencies, I choose lush
I choose losing my mind, to find me back

To be nuts till the end,
but squeezing the fruit
to lick its juice
instead of blades.

It wasn't you, at all
who saved me
but myself
and the air
the people around
the strangers I know
the adventures you'd never approve of

No it wasn't you
who saved me
who spread my wings and made me fly
You have been the aid by my side
An average feeling, neither good nor bad
And I thank you for your goodness
But you've weighed me down
My wounds have not been
dramatically altered by you...

I value your love
But it is not enough...

Because I am a boat
Sailing away
We cannot stay

I know the heaven of those who die for love
vicariously, although sometimes I just know
I want to be there
Sad place to be in, but pretty in a way
To die at the hands of something you long for

The heaven of those who die for love
in my thoughts
A place to die, to give up
Don't expect me there

The heaven of those who die for love
is held too high
Because the light never leads astray
If you can only salvage love with death
run away

The heaven of those who die for love
is it real? is it wrong?
Love has that hue, I know it's true
To feel all sold and tied to one - all for you
But real love - makes you bloom
These blackened flowers sprinkled with tears
do not!
They wither
like me

Do not hold dearly to the loss of blood
love the blood though

I look at her leg -
I just can't process
it's not ***, it's not ***!
Then, what else?

A defectuous pressure over there
Nothing to do with him
But it's so real, so clear
You can't just let it pass you by

I've been particularly bad these days
Problems with my *** drive and everything else
Slowly slowly, things did escalate
I knew I was heading for mayhem
Did I care?
And here I am, again in non-pain

I look at her leg - I want to run away
The awakening is followed not by the Sun
But this life feels so odd, it's not my own
Everything upside down

The horror, the horror
has many shapes
but this one is the superb one

This hunger
isn't fun anymore!
I am this vessel full of ***
that never empties its heavy load

The hunger is killing me
and keeping me on my toes
The hunger enhances everything,
yet makes me sick!
My ***** is wet, my eyes also drip
All I think is your body, all over me
You're my favorite wildest sweet...
It's lashing out at me - I just can't be
The hunger is deep, the hunger is extreme
it is, i swear it is
Every single night, in my bed,
gasping for relief
I need you to **** me quick
I need to fly with your kiss

There she goes, the innocent *****
watch her in her short skirt own the world

Wide and clear eyed
Confused, but willing to enjoy the ride
She's a mastermind but she doesn't know
She just goes with the flow

She's the innocent *****
And she's gonna eat you all
because
she's the purest form

"Don't call me a ****
don't put me in your ****** box.
Oh wait, I don't give a ****!"

Here's to everything she can be
Here's to the magic it brings
Let her in
I did