I forgot to tell you Happy Father's day the same way you forgot to be a father. Oh.

Stop.
He's not a bad man.
He made a mistake.
Stop.
He drank one too many.
He loves you, mom.
It was an accident.
He didn't mean it.
Stop.
Look at my arms, mom.
The bruise healed.
He just lost control.
Stop
I know he loves me.
He loves you too, mom.
He's still my dad.
I know he still cares.
HE DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT ME
IT DIDN'T EVEN HURT THAT BAD
SEE? I'M FINE.
HE'S STILL HERE.
HE NEVER REALLY LEFT.
HE TOOK ME FOR ICE CREAM.
I SWEAR TO GOD IT HAPPENED.
I SWEAR IT HAPPENED.
I SWEAR.
HE'S OKAY NOW.
HE'S BETTER.
STOP.
STOP BLAMING YOURSELF.
STOP HATING YOURSELF.
HE'S NOT A BAD PERSON.
HE'S A GOOD MAN.
I SWEAR.
I SWEAR TO GOD HE'S A GOOD MAN.
STOP!
**STOP!!!!

Please let me breathe today.

You say, "I ate so much I want to go anorexic"
You don't know
but I'm anorexic
I'm a loose cannon
Doctor says I'm gonna die any day now
but I can't stop
All I think about is food, and calories,
and how good my hip bones would look if I was only 5 pounds lighter
I have no friends anymore.
But I'm surprised.
Even I hate me.
Even I don't want to hang out with me.
I have no life besides sitting at home thinking about carbs
As dead as I look from the outside I feel more dead inside
As cold as I am all the time, my heart is colder.
So don't you dare say you want this life
Don't say this is desirable
Because its not..


I hate myself.
If only I was skinnier...