She took a razor tipped
Farewell trip
To rip strips
Of now red flesh
From her breast
Desiring the expiring
Of the deeper pains
To be replaced by
Physical ones

So cut for cut
She cleansed her soul
Drip for drop
Draining on the floor
And then
Then there was no more

No more pain
No more cuts
No more her

The night is dark blue
Almost black
Except for one
White dragon eye
Wearing vaporous clouds
And I am alone

I say I want to be alone
Because I love this
Quiet with only
The music of
Insects and birds

I say I want to be alone
As cars flash their brights
All busy rushing home
From their bluegrass delights
While I work late nights

I say I want to be alone
Awake with my memories
The grey speckled house
The small single cement step
The late nights
Playing outside
While family sat in
Old lawns chairs
Enjoying the sweet
Spring, fall, or summer evenings

I say I want to be alone
And it is partially true
Because I cannot undue
Time’s wicked will
By rewinding its
Stubbornly fast wheel

I say I want to be alone
Because I do not know how
To be any other way
Even in the day my eyes stray
Off, up, and away
In daydreams and memories

I am constantly yearning
for something to pour myself into
to completely encompass me,
to be blissfully lost in
be it art, poetry, people
nothing fills the space
I am always left unsatisfied
it is always within my grasp;
the feeling of rightness
that this, is what I was born to do.
And yet always so unattainable,
I am searching for something
to destroy myself in
and I am still searching,
still searching

It is a solid ache
Harder then
The chest tightening
Cardiac devastation

Hands shake
While I wait
For the world
To catch up to
My kind of love

Tears fall
Unless I distract myself
The cemetery
Holds more like minds
Than I ever find
In these times

I am alone in a sea
Of self-satisfied idiots
Who think the idiot is me

Muscles melt
Legs bend
Minds tend
Towards fantasies

Chants and prayers
Inaction in subservience
While they let the madness go on
But I am wrong

A child starves
They pray
A war goes on
They pray
Rug burns
And sore *****
Bent over
Waiting for an answer
That never comes
But I am the *******

The rose melts
Painted crimson
In fairytales
Of wonderland

The sun departs
Vacating its hydrogen heart
Leaving me with
Only its darker parts

Cascades of liquid
The coagulating kind
Float inside
My troubled mind

Thus, I wonder
While my fingers tap
Beat for heart
Equal to the first
As it will be the last
Will I ever live to see
Such madness pass

The sky is falling
Little lights slowly descend
Little broken rays of solar skin
Coursing in the blue horizon

The day dies a slow
And sensual death
Teasing out each second
With slowly disappearing
Orange illusions
Till the night consumes
The suns last gasp

Veins of lightning
Crackle in the distance
We count the seconds
To imagine how safe
We might be

The cloud sweats and spits
Falling debris
Soaking me

My mind searches
For less familiar ways
To say the same thing
I wearily search
For a better way
To stay awake in the wake
Of this sad storm
Till I can let sleep
Refresh the best of me

The cycle of my mood shifts
From high to low to slow
Soul scabs over
The things I love
Become mundane
No shame
Because I cannot
Drive my mind and body so hard
And expect to maintain
Such creative highs

Jealousy is the anger of lusting souls
Wet with unmet ecstasy
Promised nothing yet they believe
They deserve everything
Finding resentment for those
Who do and are eager to receive
The same pleasures they desired to achieve

Sleep should be my refugee
But anger is my wasteland
Half nightmare half black harbor
Dark liquid coal stirring my soul
Taking my light hearted temperament
And trading it in for its furious friend
Breaching the ****** birth canal
Ripping my insides out
Such a betrayal of trust
So sick of this slick ****
Twisted people trying to turn me over
I walk away with broken stiches
And a bile filled stomach
While they walk away
Thinking their stinking bowls
Are dandelions and sunshine
They are all fine but my mind
Becomes an echo of old scars
A deep familiar tunnel
That I have to struggle
To drive back out in
To find the daylight again

Is it my fault
That you cannot
Follow me into
The darkest rooms

Failing to see
The click clacking
Of death tracking
Innocence

Failing to feel
Parallels of pain
Emotions you can’t name

Am I to blame
Because I softened my words
To be heard
Whispered
Instead of yelling
Smiled and joked
Instead of crying

So you kept lying
To yourself
Measuring value
As an integer of wealth
Check marked
Your vacant heart
Filling infinity
With nothing

Is it my fault
Because
I did not argue harder
For the sane way
Did not strain
Enough to say
Please stay
With me
And our shared humanity

Now your boots
Sound of conformity
A terrible drum
Poking me
And I can see
Where this beat
Leads
But you will not
Believe me

So when you reach for
The cold and deadly knife
Stuck in the heart of humanity
To pull it out
And bleed out
When you finally see and agree
Will you blame or forget me

Why do I have to be tense
when the easily offended
are the ones who commit the offense
emit attitude with their pretense
moral to a biblical degree
With no true human decency
Publicly they frighten me
privately they sicken me
declaring hateful victory
over love and humanity
Or is it just me?

These moods are dark encroaching forces
Shackled to sad fortunes and unfair fates
They wait for things to improve without acting
Saying that by praying they will make it alright
Bent knees in supplication suckling on this greedy nation
Brown smelly droppings like they were caramel toppings
Fools facing downwards while surgeon’s hands deftly
Strangle any angle of retreat or success
Stealing the last happy hopeful breath
Till my brothers and sisters retire to death

I attach myself to achievements of another
Me in the string of consciousness
But I am a shadow of him
As he was an echo of older versions
Reborn in the morn of refreshed brain chemical
A regeneration and transformation
Working with the passions of past moments
Playing with old phrasing, claiming ownership
But for each verse edited, each syllable reworked
The me of now revisits and demolishes
The me of old, as I have done so many times
Today I am myself, yesterday I was someone else
And tomorrow I will be changed again

Please
Don’t bury yourself
Don’t hurry along
Don’t forget me
When I am gone

I always thought
I’d outlive you all
But just in case
I’m the first to fall
Don’t bury me
In the ground
Carry me with you
As you leave
This wretched town