The moon has nothing to be sad about,
Staring from her hood of bone.

She is used to this sort of thing.

Her blacks crackle and drag.


Sylvia Plath

Here I lay,
powerless.
Why reveal
who I am
when
who I am
is not
acceptable.

To be ostracized; To be sealed in
       the Hell Fire I raise for raze.  
I can't candidly express my thoughts;
for I am different - and what is different
is not able to be understood - and what is not understood
starts wars; gathers men in poison rooms; rips apart bodies
like rag-abortions, grasping at the surrounding cracked Earth.

Here I lay,
powerless.

It was riding on the tail feathers of the violet ray just beyond
a red dated warning label amidst a portion of the dark void and
six of them sat upon the steps in white hooded robes
two with galaxies painted into the irises of their eyes

A humanoid standing about 12 feet in height with dry winds
moving as rifts through his waist long strategically tangled hair,
reveals no more or less than any should know.

Here I am again, back where I began Iron locks, rusty doors,
It doesn't matter how hard I try
The fires are fiercely fanned

Leaving only ashes, smoke always lingers
I pick myself up, dust it all off
Wonder why I bother, again and again
Sifting for fragments, with ****** bruised fingers

Why do I do it over and over, just to return
Back to the cage, I'll never escape
Breaking out for a moment, slammed back in
I'm alive but never lived, I watch my years burn

Why do I hold on to hope, I should put it all down
How can I find the pieces, so very tiny,
Over time and places, they've been scattered
Will I ever be myself again, my mind is twisted around


I'm waving the white flag, I'm calling it done
To weak to get up, no reason to be found
Leave me in my ashes, this Phoenix won't fly
Every ounce of my pain is a boulder, now buried under a ton


Just call the time of death, it's done

©Pauline Russell

Your heart is a cage and not a home
In your company, I am truly alone.
I try to break free but you shatter my bones,
Won’t listen to pleas or the logic I form.
Foundation weak, bound to crumple on itself;
You take my body and turn it to dusty ruins,
Nothing left but rubble and disgusting sewage.
Inside my heart trembles from your gentle bruising,
Made from the ways you use me;
You love to love when it’s amusing.

Convince me that I did it so you’re not abusing;
You’re a gift that’s not worth losing.
I crawl into fault that belongs to only me.

I’ve never seen a prison that looked so comforting.
You’re a hungry wolf, though portrayed as a sheep.

-SLuR

I. Sincerely
To the girl that decided
my time
wasn't worth hers.

II. Declarations
I love you.
I miss you.
I care about you.

III. Present
All I wanted was your
presence,
but you consistently
faded.

IV. Attachment
You wanted me unattached,
but being unattached
I walk away.

V. Conditionally Unconditional
My conditions are
presence
loyalty.
Sorry I lied about unconditional.

VI. Someone
You've got time for someone.
Not me,
but for someone.

VII. Simply Enough
I cannot give my time
for those who do not.

VIII. Giving
You can't ever
get
what you're not willing
to give.

IX. Complete
I love wholly.
I don't switch.
It's all
or nothing.

X. Home
I tasted home upon your lips
where you tasted distance.

XI. Lost
I lost a home.
Another place
I called my own.

XII. Closed Doors
I knocked.
I jiggled the ****.
No one ever answered.

XIII. Small Chapters
I was a page to you.
You were a chapter.

XIV. Discarded
A book forgotten upon a floor.
Pages torn, Chapter 1.

XV. Poetry
I turned you into poetry.
That's what you wanted,
right?

XVI. Past
I will write about you
long after you've been gone.

XVII. Self-Worth*
I may have lost you,
but you lost me too.

I collapsed into this little girl fantasy
I didn't even realise I knew
Missing from me even when I was a little girl
And yet all of a sudden I was lost
In fairytales
Dreams of happily ever after
Foreseeing your name next to mine
And other names
Fit for tiny feet
Envisioned a future
All green eyes and curly hair.
But it wasn't just my mind
It seems our bodies did too
Kind of funny now isn't it
How everything envisioned it but you.