I stood there thinking what
to say, but i knew you wanted
to hear what was happening
while you were away. I stepped
closer so you could hear me, my
words were shaky but I knew
you would listen to what ever
I had to say.

I started with what had been
going on, the interesting things
you had missed while away, you
were always good at listening to
what ever I said, didn't matter the
time night or day, you listened to
the boring the nonsense that fell
out of my mouth each day.

I lied next to you so we could be
closer, I would often lie next to you
never making a sound, just being
next to you got me through the
next hour the next day.

It was getting late, I had talked
for hours, you listened to every
word that I said, I love you, as
I got up brushing the dust from
above, I always left flowers removing
those that were just stems in decay.

I will be back soon my baby, I
miss you so much, as I touched and
kissed your grave. I'll not leave it
so long next time, I love you still
everyday, you being gone brings
pain to me. But I will see you again
when my time comes, till then
my love know you will alway be
the one.

I am but one rain drop up in the
cloudy sky, ready to fall all the way
down, I rest in the clouds watching
below the sights I see from up above
are enough to evaporate me in
one go from here.

I drift over the sea, friends in the
big blue I see so many traveling till
it is there time to evaporate and
be one with the clouds once again.

I float over many places, sights I
do see, the things that scurry
underneath me so many things
does a rain drop get to see.

I feel it is my time to go to that place
below, as I release it starts to go cold,
I freeze and change from a liquid to a
solid, such a pretty pattern I have become.

I see friends on the way down, different
shapes from me, but still the same on
there trip from up high to that place
down below.

I land softly, not like before when I was
liquid and splashed on the floor, I will
lie here looking up, till my time is up
and I evaporate upwards. Then once
again join my friends in the clouds,
watching once again every thing below...

A memory so old, turned to sepia
From the pigmentation of Time
Losing all defining boundaries
As the album pages become dog eared
Due to long years of reminiscing
The moments shared together
A happy snapshot, now fading away
Can’t recall anymore on introspection
The album full of memories
Black and white turns to sepia
And ravages of time discolors
Once colorful moments
Captured only in black and white






© Amitav (Radiance)

Each word
'curls'
around my heart
like smoke shaped, teasing
wispy fingers

I don't see it ..
               or feel it ..

                     but then my heart begins to tell me.

It moans
                and creaks

                             demanding that I listen.

I can't ignore it now
                            as it hurts.

I lay my hand upon my wounded chest
                               telling my heart,
                                            reminding it

   that we cannot feel this way
                                        
                    ­                          not today ..

                                                      not tomorrow.


                 My heart calms ..

                                     for now

        

                           but I know that it won't be for long.

After the first
Never again
The second
The same,
Regret, pain
The third
Disappointment, shame
The fourth
A piece of paper with a name
The fifth and I’m officially insane
Confusing clouds, constant rain
Begin to drain
Me

Thoughts, a fact
A pact
To myself
My rapidly deteriorating
Physical, mental, emotional health

31 tablets, 52
What difference does
A few
More make
Another mistake
I break,
Crack, smash
Like China
A million pieces
Despair fills the air
I lay, unconscious
Without a care
In the world

Sleeping tablets
And anti depressants
Desperately searching
For the essence
Of a hopeful soul

Hospitalisation
Anticipation, frustration,
Sedation
A safe place
With locks on the inside
Reflecting on the times
I’ve tried
Cried, lied
To break free

After the first
Never again
The second
The same
Regret, pain
The third
Disappointment, shame
The fourth
A piece of paper with a name
The fifth
And I’m officially insane

It stops here
Succumbed with fear
As I walk, tread, carefully
Undress the mess,
That is me.

2010 ©

Eternal tears in a lake that never
fills, only the eye of eternity drops
tears of time, which will never run
dry.

For time is eternal and so the tears
will always fall from the eye that
watches everything and all.

Tears dropped for time weeps as it
watches life, death never ending,
this lake will never fill, as it has all
eternity as the eye of time once
again drops a tear.

I envy it, as it will
not grant me that which
I wish, to set me free from
the pain but it just lets
me be.

I want to be released but
I am a prisoner of pain,
suffering and disbelief.
I want to walk in to the
light to shed my mortal
coil.

I envy death, as it is some
thing I cant be granted, I
must suffer until that day my
body gives in as the pain
is to much, till then I am
locked in this cell called
a body waiting for my release

Do you love me,
???????????????
Do you feel the same as I do in my heart,
???????????????
Do want me in your life,
???????????????
Do you even know my heart,
???????????????
Will we be together forever,
???????????????
Or will are hearts drift apart,
???????????????
Questions asked by each and their hearts
but only each of us has the answer
as it is left for each to decide with their heart.

Imagination as the mind
explodes, creation from the
hand spills from the mind.

Random images flood the surrounding
walls like a gun shot to the mouth the
thoughts splash over the walls.

Dripping through the fingers creations
drawn written an expression as a mind
on overload.

I am blind to the world around
to the beauty that should be seen
with each blink of my eye, a camera
taking a photo but never seeing the film
within.

I could touch everything feel the
senses that are around me, touch and feel
to take it all in with a touch but my fingers
are cold not feeling that which I could
that is around me.

I want to breath deep to smell
life to use my mouth to taste that
which will explode my senses, to
smell it before it is consumed.
fulfil my senses to that which
have I have not smelt or tasted
before.

My sense are fine but I do
not take the beauty of everything
in, life is to busy to see that around to
take it in, to taste that perfect muffin,
not just a bite to throw it in the bin.
I need to touch everything to feel
what is there not just brush past it
we must take everything in.

My words will die with me
silence will fall, the voice
that was heard will be silent
once more.

I will fall to eternal sleep, my
body will never again rise in
the morning again. My eyes
now forever closed, never to
see the sun rise up or the sun
sets fall.

My soul has departed to that
other place, my body no longer
calling it home. My words will
no longer be heard, but they
can read my words, and you
will get to know me even though
I have long gone.