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 Mar 2018
PEARL SMOKE
iF iRelapse.
Baby Just Know, iOnly love You.
The Drug Will make me go Crazy & Lie Saying iLove iT
More Than You. My Slip Will Turn me Half Way Back To my
Old Ways.
Wicked Mentality & Heartless self, Numbed Out, Emotionless
Painless And Careless.
Nomatter the Relapse and reactions Ijust Want you to know
Il forever love you more.
 Mar 2018
PEARL SMOKE
iM Scared Of Losing What
iHave Left.
iM Scared Of Seeing What
iHave Left Go Away.
iM Scared Of Disappointing
My Loved Ones Again.
iM Scared Of Being Reminded
What the reality of Drugs.                        can do once again.
iM Scared iF iM Sober Then Fall
iWont Ever Change again
iM Scared The Drugs Can
Take over me Like it Has before
Once more.
Scared Of Feeling Numb And Live The Whole Drug Addiction Cycle all over.
 Jan 2018
PEARL SMOKE
I Relapsed.
I Am Not Going To Apologize..
I will Not Say Sorry.
i didn't let You down.
Don't feel Dissapointed or Angry.
I Did NOT FAIL YOU.
You don't have A Reason To Say "You let me down" or any phrase in that catargory .
Don't Try to Argue With me.
You did not play any roll in Helping me accomblish my 2 1/2 Year Sobriety.  
Do not attempt to lecture me.
I'm Not looking For Forgiviness.
I'm Hurting So Bad.
All I Want is Real love
Support , Comfort And a hug.
You Don't know what it's like.
All You See is "She did **** again"
There's A big Story to it.
Many emotions and Complications.
I'm struggling So Bad.
I just want happiness
 Oct 2017
PEARL SMOKE
Will I lose or will I break.
I can not let my Addict mind
Take over as it will convert quick &
dope will become my fate.
For ever Gone, unpaired & Lost.
Toss my self away to the drugs
 Sep 2017
PEARL SMOKE
*** is wrong with you?
Are you really ****** serious.
Knock it tf out before
I knock you out.
That **** ain't ok??
****** stupid ***!!
How can you seriously start thinking like that?!
He's your bf!
Don't let the dope get to your brain! He can't **** this!!
 Dec 2014
PEARL SMOKE
iWant To Be Set Free.
Away And Cured From This Addictive Disease.
iWant To Be Happy, iWant To Actually Smile
iWant To Be Able To Feel
iWanna Laugh And Enjoy Life
iDont Like Being Addicted
iDont Like Using And Tweaking No More
iWant To Quit
Sober Up Entirely
From My Health And Mind
iWant The Angel Back On My Shoulders.
iWanna Do Good
iWanna Succeed And Become Somebody
This Drug Always Seems To Get The Best Of Me
To Fall Easily
God Give Me Strength And Strong Wings
 Sep 2014
Dee Thomas
Matthew 24:12
Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold

As I grow older, the world grows colder and my sins become well defined
With the world on my shoulders, my hate is bolder, my soul is now confined
My lips speak free lies, paid by deceit I despise, in death I have found delight
I’m behind my soul’s arise and wicked don’t disguise their darkness in the light
My worldly ways relate but my thoughts won’t debate my ailing mental health
Poverty won’t wait; man’s tongue filled with hate and devoid of all real wealth
Seeking signs of being freed, something we cannot be, reaping the pain we sow
My wants exceed because my desires cannot see there’s no more room to grow
My cold heart is dying, my eyes no longer crying because I feel no more pain
I am intrigued by the lying while consumers are buying and nothing do they gain

If I gain the world and lose my soul, then I have gained nothing in the end
My selfishness vast and out of control, It is my modesty that I cannot mend
This world is wicked and taking a toll, to my dissolving sanity it cannot lend
Society becoming the blackened hole that blind science can no longer defend
With blood on our hands justice is a goal in which power and money can bend
It wasn’t my innocence that they stole but the dreams which my demons attend
Missing my discernment, I’m no longer whole to the depths of despair I Descend

Amassed guilt in pounds
Built on unfertile grounds
Shame is my tether to years

Feeding off of the belief
That faith brings relief
Helps me avoid the fears

The poor of heart abound
Where the wicked are found
Lost in the youth of my peers

I have found my despair in life
Admitting I can’t avoid strife
I only wish I could find my tears

Isaiah 59:3
For your hands are stained with blood, your fingers with guilt. Your lips have spoken falsely, and your tongue mutters wicked things.
Hard to watch the news without writing one of these every night...I find it hard to understand why we don't see the nature of what is happening in our society right before our very eyes. i put the bible verses in here becuase they are so befitting to the wicked world that is evoving to self satisfaction. Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We are overrun with greed and selfishness and blind to the consumerism before our very eyes.....I am not some religious zealot who is bent on pushing my agenda, just a normal person in an ever changing world.
 Sep 2014
Emily
you never cared about me
you never wanted to be mine
you just dug a deep hole
stuck me there with all of your lies
made me feel miserable
unwanted, ugly, and used
can't believe i fell for it
it happens every time
this big heart i have
is nothing but a curse
love ruins my life
and makes me feel like i'm the worst
i can't think straight
funny how i can't even function
shaking uncontrollably
sweating profusely
not one good thought
flows through my head
only thinking that i wish i were dead
you make me feel like death
is the answer to my problems
it may sound dramatic
but i can't even breathe
what is this life
without the one you love
you said you needed me
you said you had love for me
but you treat me like i'm a pest
make me feel like i'm a bother
i'll just leave you be
it's clear i'm not wanted
it's clear you don't give a ****
i wish i could be like you instead
someone cold and wicked
******* with a broken heart
i can't seem to write anymore
i wrote this in one short sitting
i know it's not good
but i have to let it out somewhere

© Emily 2014

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