Transformation:
one into many &
many into one

the bird of paradise
half truth and half lie
it's not pure fiction
but pure singing
or intensity of the dark light

this vibration of your U(nconscios)
is a floating vessel
(sunk into mystery)
for my dreams
mine is for yours and for her
and for them
this is the way we meet
It's scary and wonderful
to recognize each other
some mirrors are crazy
light hides itself best in the dark
and darkness hides itself
best in the brightest of lights

there are too many layers
of liquid meanings in this
creature called life -
the same way
the ocean is carrying
different layers of
pressure and dark

the bird of paradise
dissolves itself
into singing cause
this is the only way
to meet its music
a bird constantly changing
the shape of its wings
to accomodate danger -
the danger of being alive
on your own
day after night

my winter eyes are epic
emptied of the seduction
of never dying days
for now
but
still looking for an incantation:
this field this wave this sway
this maze this daze
the soul's substance
untranslatable
allusive
perfumed

some find it in the dark recesses
some insist it doesnt't exist
I contemplate blankness inside
my skin
my mind just a dream catcher
for illusions
a suspended note
an erasable tape
a network for the delicate architecture of moss
or was it mold?
some words have no heart at all
and we need canyons of tenderness, paths of joy
is it time that is dripping its imagination
in this turmoil?

the irrationality of mornings of violins of drums
strikes a chord inside
what is the basis of harmony?
so many shapes of wonder
on bridges, shores, sidewalks and hills
and valleys of the unknown
full of space atoms

a spirit of a shaman sits beside me
she calls me soul surfer
perhaps
god is
part violence
part beauty
part wonder
and I fall for it
when I find it
in the flesh
of the heart
only

that moment of terrifiying beauty
for which there is no language
only a foam of primordial letters
and the possibility of cosmos

the hours cascading in his veins
it was so natural and shocking:
he was my hidden black whole
(the black whole one thought crosses to another)
and with my bare feet on the blade of the horizon
I was bleeding curses
promises to the unknown
confessions of sublime intensity

the terror of beauty so real
as we danced that mysterious dance
of light turning effortlessly into darkness
of darkness turning effortlessly into
light

it all starts in pieces
maybe I was his morphine
and he was rebelling against
every fragment of unhealed time
in his shoulders.
with him I discovered a new sea of time and
fused with my roots
I rest suspended in the chaos of possibility
to the end of my undreamed dreams
as he was hallucinating my younger selves
anew

we opened the other dimensions of time
descended into flesh
without really knowing
how coherent pain can be
and I could go on and on and on, like the beat
we were only a poem
without destination
but the possibility
of cosmos

silence was improvising in my eyes
in this tender fog between one moment
and this moment
and I could see the old love approaching
to invade me
to intoxicate me
with its hypnotic violence
this love like a fossilized wood in their gaze
came to visit me
again
with so many faces
so many whispers
it was as if angels had descended
on the barren land and
with their unthought hands
were tenderly carressing
the old bones unsung
what else could have I done
than
open my eyes and dream
the palimpsest of forgotten dreams
forged in the greatest intensity
of all the fleeting moments
in which
they blinked

(I need to shelter my heart from
the silence of decaying leaves
from the violence of life destroying
itself)

111822

If I die today, I don’t want a sorrowful service
I know it is quite inevitable and yet I want people
To learn not to lose hope or lose joy.

If there’re words that they will utter,
I pray it’s no longer for me but for those who are left —
Who are truly in need of comfort as living individuals.

Let them play a Worship Song
And remember the goodness of God
And His faithfulness that will endure forever!

For even death should not separate
Every relationship with Christ
But death should add fire to their faith.

I hope they will sing a song for the Lord
And no longer sing me some lullabies
For I would no longer hear them.

If I die today, I want to leave not an earthly legacy
But I want people to remember me
As a follower of Jesus who has finished her race.

If I die, I would no longer run
Coz I have stopped where God told me to stop
And let me see His face as He grants me a “Well, done” hug.

But today, I still breathe the air God has given the world.
Life is a gift and there’s no reason to waste it.
Let me appreciate life by serving my Master with all I have.

Today, I want to keep speaking life to others –
And I’d rather choose to empower them now
Than hearing them later with no ears to sense them.

I’d rather receive rejections today as I speak the truth
Than overhear their late acceptance
When I lie in the last home the world could give me.

Today, I want to move freely – led by the Holy Spirit.
I’d rather move now for the sake of God’s will
Rather than not being able to move anymore
Because my timeline has passed its season.

I know God has planted so many dreams within me.
I know I can do more in this world and I can achieve more.
But I want to learn how to achieve the things
That my flesh cannot attain.

I want to give a smile,
Not to those who may laugh at me when I am at my worst.
But I want to focus on my Only Audience
Who is the Ultimate Judge of my life.

I knew I am inconsistent in so many things
And I have failed my God so many times.
But if He exposed me today, then it is for my good.
I may not understand why and how
But I am sure that my God doesn’t lie.

He knows I am tired of the pressures life pours on me.
I may find myself drowning in the worries of this world
But these things are only temporary.

I know someday, I no longer need to lie on my bed
To have the rest which I think I deserve.
And when the Day comes,
I will no longer sleep
And I can no longer distinguish Night and Day
For my eyes will only be fixed on the Apple of my eye.

It’s crazy pleasing the world
And running the way people do.
We are all tired but may we know
The rest our Saviour had freely given us.

We don’t need to toil the way we know how.
Coz this time, we will shift from “prison” to “reason.”
And there will be a huge elimination
Of the things that do not matter in eternal life.
And I pray we can distinguish it
Through discernment which is a gift from above.