So I never thought I would be writing this...I have recently had some amazing conversations with some inspirational people; who have all helped me to see where I have gone wrong recently:and trust me I have gone wrong a lot.....

Depression......what a word...I dont want that word near me;but its what I have been. Its an illness in the most complex ***** of the body that affects every aspect of you....sleep, food, ability to communicate effectively, or not communicate at all feeling fear of some thing and not quite sure what it is you may be fearing...There are feelings of anger, It's so strange, confusing, lonely, enlightening, interesting, challenging, reminiscent, sad, ashaming, happy although most of all thoughtful and thankful.

Its an illness that one in three of us suffer from. I actually believe that every one does, although people have different coping mechanisms. This is what I am learning about myself and others at the moment. Anyway...back to that word DEPRESSION....I have just written that in capitals for some reason, its like the ******* word - lol....For me it should be called realisation...my depression has been about change and managing this effectively and some times not so effectively....I have experienced change in who I am...peoples perception of me, and in every realtionship in my life there has been some adjusting....it been an interesting journey.

My angels...my friends and family....they are like diamonds in the sky...They have been there through this hard journey and I know it has not been easy for any of us....thank you for still loving me and continuing to understand me when I know at times you have wondered where the strong, open, bubbly fun JC has gone. And I know I have propably cause you a lot of frustration on the way, I know I have as I have caused myself some...lol.

I understand that and appriciate each and every one of you...thank you for your advice, smiles, for making me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry...I never knew humans could cry so many tears. You have picked me up when I was struggling and each in your individual ways and have carried me forwards...some times I have not recognise the impact of your words or actions for months...but suddenly some thing clicks...

I have been to some dark places recently and you have supported me and loved me...so for that my diamonds I will be eternally grateful.....

Some diamonds have been light and powerful and some have been heavy and wonderful.

An angel stares into the sky
In the form of a little girl
Born mentally ill,
          The sky which is the
Inner eye of God scatters the spectacle;
        The people ignorant and blind
Pass the little girl, homeless.

All you readers:
Inside your safe worlds
The little girl almost becomes
Visible, only for a moment.

I slowly open the window
And the air breezes in
A world I love to know
Now starts to begin

On the street I see the people
What stories they can tell
In the distance rises the steeple
Where the choir sings so well

To the left I see the paper shop
Mr Johnson has kept it ticking over
He sells anything from eggs to a mop
Just him and his dog named Rover

And to the right is the book store
Where literature springs to view
The day you open the door
Is the day you learn something new

Finally across the street from me
Is the pub named 'The Old Bell'
You should see the sights that I see
And the stories I too could tell

I kissed the wind with full red lips
and bathed in the rain
dancing circles like the naked Sun
I followed the night stars to day
and day brought me safely home
-the light within all light
claimed me as its own and I succumbed
happy to be 'a beloved child of the Universe'.

I used to work with a guy
A good friend of mine
He was as sharp as anyone I knew
Nobody's fool at all
With laser eyes and brain
He missed nothing
A hard and shrewd man was he

In his slightly younger days
He had been a member of the Samurai
The local biker gang
He used to go around
With a dead mouse sewn
To the shoulder of his leather jacket
Doing the things that bikers do

One day we were hand packing
Half a dozen or so of us
Working quietly, for once
All of us elsewhere in our heads
It's the only way to cope with the boredom
Steve was next to me and I heard him
Singing to himself unaware of listeners
And what was this shrewd hard man singing?
"Milly Molly Mandy as sweet as sugar candy....."

                                              BY Phil Roberts

strawberry juice
vanilla and salt
fragrance of the must
smell of rain
a frozen lake
a shooting star
music and poetry
red and black
a patch of moonlit
the stormy sea
a hot bath
a fire on the beach
and more and more  ....
I feel
in your mouth
on your lips
when hold in your arms
you kiss me
and your eyes are still clinging to mine
your kisses...
my breath !

The first step towards achieving success is not being afraid to fail...for if you are afraid to fail, you will not really try and if you don't try...then you will never learn.

Enslaved ?
But the tangled breath
of green thoughts
encrusted by bark
touch drives your
veined forage wild

As you sink roots
deep into the flesh of
insatiable desire
you strip down to
truth and grain