everything was me
i broke your heart
yet im the one torn to pieces
you said goodbye
yet im the one hanging on by a thread
you left me alone
yet i still knock at your bedroom window
you're moving on
and im still sitting at your doorstep

hello
im sorry i couldn't love you the way you loved me.
im sorry i held your heart hostage for six months before smashing it into a million tiny pieces.
im sorry i couldn't bring myself to feel what you felt for me.
i tried, i really tried. with everything in my being. i wanted you to be the one. but now i feel like im meant for no one.
sometimes i cry. sometimes i feel as if what i did was a mistake. sometimes i want to come back and make you happy again, even if it means setting myself on fire to keep you warm.
im sorry for everything i put you through.
maybe im not a hopeless romantic after all.

in the year i've been gone i learned a lot about love, and honeymoon phases.
it comes in waves, almost immediate and crashing down onto you, submerging your being in it's path.
its so powerful, powerful enough to make you blind to everything around you, turning your head at the slightest grey cloud hovering in the sky.
but when its over, when the storm comes, the only way to be truly happy is to escape.
i thought i loved you. i convinced myself so. and if you're reading this, the good times outweighed the bad, your bright blue ocean waves captivated me and i turned the storm into a tidal wave of beautiful memories.
now the only wetness i find is the tears in my eyes when i think about the calm before the storm.