My parents tell me
"Watch out.
Most poets
Go crazy
And **** themselves."

What if I am
Crazy,
And I'm already
Dead
Inside?

will you leave me
self loathing
disguising the image
i see in the mirror
extinguishing the hope
   it took me a lifetime
to build
with one glance
exhaustion envelopes me
the warmth of my bed beckons
to fill my head with the dreams
of how i want
my life to be
then awakening
to the reality
and disappointment
of how my life
actual is.

Who'll you blame for the falling stars
When you're the one picking at them?

       But I only tried to rescue the moon
       He was stuck after the sun.

I remember racing down the streets,
intoxicated, drunk, hammered,
and out of my mind,
chasing party after party
and skirt after skirt trying
to drown the hole you left
in me.

I remember, not so long ago,
chasing down scheme after scheme,
saying mean things,
having no consideration for
anyone's feelings,
and completely denying the
existence of my own,
trying to justify
the holes we left in
each other.

It's hard to understand —
how I'm acting,
the damage I'm causing
in these situations —
until I've come out the other
side.

And even when I do, I still hear
the dark calling me.
It lies at the bottom of this bottle,
and at the top of my
mind,
waiting its turn.

Obsession was the name of my game.
I didn't know how to love healthily.
I allowed myself to be ****** in
By the vacuum that was you.
And in return
I crushed you.
With my hellfire
And the blood of wolves
Coursing through my veins and
You did not weather the storm
For I was not a breeze.
I was not a breeze, but a hurricane,
Bringing destruction and chaos to everything I touched.
So I walked alone
Ever searching for someone
Who could take me as I was
Who could handle the sounds of my cries
The hurricanes from my wings
And did not try and tame
What they could not.

there was a day I  was a boy I played
I  had dreams and fantasies
under the beautiful days of the cherry
tree soft grass once I laid

meadows and trees to discover
and more so much more
I had the future before
me a soft calm meadow

to go to dream about the yellow haired girl
across the street
not knowing why I dreamt
of her so

much, I spent seasons in that
innocent meadow lying in the grass
watching leaves evolve grow
mature fall off

never realized
I was so much like them

that was  yesterday, I said to my sinister sister
she replied that is everyday
I made a face of derision
she drew her face into a gargoyle almost
threatening it was
if she had not been my sister
and I knew all the evil she had in her was
to trip me ice skating and break my arm
I would have been scared
but I saw her and our horse
he hated her
so I knew she had this evil streak
this horse was calm with everyone , but her
he bit her every chance he got , kicked her in the guts,
I rode him *******, he took off with her one day and ran her into a
hanging sign, broke both her front teeth,
and would not eat from her hand,
he was very clairvoyant,

you say , I think, I am just
transferring sibling rivalry into a thing,
not true kind sir, she once
made fire out of my baseball cards with one look
they just flamed up. I think I had pulled the arm off her Barbie before but , hey.
I didn't do it with my eyes.
I learned to get along after Mom and Dad passed
mysteriously.
Then at our family reunion , the thirty year one,
I got suspicious. Only her and I were there.
We started talking about the past .
I said I had to go ***.
Passed the restroom
and have been running ever since.