Drinking my turmeric tea
makes my mouth taste like vegan chicken soup
I spilled it on myself
so I’m committed for looking suddenly jaundice
Oh, ain’t that what they always what they do?
Mark the healthiest ones
as fatal or insane

Is it true that opposites attract?
She liked fantasy, he liked fact,
She liked green beans, he liked peas,
She liked chicken, he liked cheese,
She liked champagne, he liked port,
She liked lazy, he liked sport.
She liked new cars, he liked wrecks,
She liked cuddling, he liked ***,
She liked cookies, he liked cake,
She liked real and he liked fake.
She liked daytime, he liked night,
She liked to make up, he liked to fight.
She liked sweaters, he liked coats,
She liked airplanes, he liked boats,
She liked poetry, he liked prose,
She liked tulips, but he gave her a rose.
She said, “Stay.”, and he said, “Go.”
He proposed and she said, “NO!"
He left with dignity still in tact -
So much for opposites attract!
Phil Lindsey 1/7/16

I tried to write
With some “PANACHE”
But it turned out
To be just trash

Then I wrote
With “SAVOIR FAIRE”
But there was just
Nothing there

And so I tried  
With some “PIZZAZZ”
But, I’ve had better
Come out my ***

So now I write
With “AVANT GARDE”
Because writing well
Is just too hard

Thus, I let you poets
Write the stuff
That we all
Would be proud of
WIZDUMBs BY JA 256

I am humbled by the poetic ability and diversity of this community.
                                   I applaud you all.

Whilst walking down the street
I heard a thunderous tweet;
'Twas a straining little bird
Who couldn't pass a ****.

The little thing was constipated,
Its **** wide dilated;
Tweeting loudly in mid-bog,
Trying to eject a log.

I observed with sympathetic heart
As it trumpeted out a ****;
Straining, chirping loud and long,
Letting off a foul and noisome pong.

I watched for nigh an hour
Its display of **** power;
Then a final intestinal pump
Produced a huge great steaming lump:

A mighty ball of faeces
(a giant of its species,
and total bumhole splitter
which shattered its feathered *******).

Goodbyes seem like a waste of time,
at moments such as this.
We'll meet again around the bend;
I'm almost sure of it.
If you don't believe me,
take a look at all the facts.
It's gone like this now all day long,
and yesterday at that!
I'd say it's best we walk away,
with a smile and with ease.
You'll find me floating down the road,
or see me strolling through the trees.

Everybody will tell you,
"Now don't fall in love with a poet,
or a writer.
They're all liars or manipulators or both.
They're twisted in the head!"
Now,
I won't even argue the truth in that however,
what the **** is life without risk?
I'll take your stale white bread existence and flavor it!
I'll weave words that'll hit your ears like silk!
I'll show you pristine mountain peaks
and dark alleyways from a perspective so radical,
you won't know the difference.
I'll show you the whole ******* world from your couch.
That is,
if you'd fall in love with a poet.

You funny.
I can be funny too.
I've got a functioning funny bone,
just like you.
Watch me hit it on this thing.
Ouch!
Hey, wasn't that funny though?
Didn't you see?
Let me tell you a joke:
There once was this guy who set out to type a joke,
but halfway through it his funny bone broke!
Ouch.

This one time, I traded cigarettes for jokes with a few of the homeless folk who live in Orlando.
I was still in high school then, but I can still remember how they went!
Well, actually, I can only recall two of them.
They go like this:

"If you have fifty ***** and fifty politicians in the same room,
then what do you have?"

"Um, I don't know."

"A hundred people who don't know **** about ****!"

Hahahahahahaha

"What do you call a *** on roller blades?"

"Hmm, no idea."

"Rolaids!"