Anger
It's unnerving
It fills the blood and takes control
Possession is the true word
Hold you captive till its satisfied
Sadistic in its evermost desire
Though the true nature is to harm
I fight to hold on
Hold on to my moments of humanity
Hold on to those bits of good
It slithers through me
I can hardly stomach the feeling
Arms aching, my body sore
How do i get rid of it?
Or do i let go?

Ghosts
ghosts are real.
I know this
because I know men who see them.
Men who are...
to say the least rational.
Men who are of sound enough mind
not to believe in spectral forms
or fairy tales.
And still I've sat in rooms with such men
watched them cast a glance
toward empty corners.
Watched as their eyes glazed and brought them
elsewhere.
Ghosts exist in the mind.
And that which exists in the mind of men
is very much as real
as that which exists
in their physical worlds.

You can't comfort me like her
I dash into her grasp when she's near
In her presence I feel most safe
I can detect her love radiating from off the pages
I whisper what plagues me in her ear
Behind your back I confess my love to her boldly
When I'm with you I'm wishing she could hold me
When I'm broken
Shes the mechanic that fixes me
My tears full of ink
Morphed into written words
I disclose my pain to her
In each line
Addicted to her like a fein
When I say goodnight to you
I lay with her and dream

I'm not the type of guy who cares
If you come to me with complaints of guys wondering eyes
You'll just get a blank stare
From two dead eyes
That pierce you
And behind them
You can't see
The trapped anger
Banging from behind my retinas
Wanting desperately to be set free
Desensitized
Not much of a friendly guy
Friends I once had
Never last
I hate people
Like a white racists
Talking about how much he adores the black race
Desensitized from the comforting I've never had
But I'm glad
Who wants to feel
When people aim at your emotions
With the intent to ****
Mine are being kept in a styrofoam box
With a three gage lock
And there they will rot

the line
   between
life and death

   split seconds

the bloodless face
does not respond
to questions
asked too late

in awe
we bow
to the rules of life

realizing
the limits

acknowledging
the truth of the ancients

about
how to cope
with dying

If I was a boat
You were the wind that engulfed my sails
Carrying me
As I glided over the open sea
So freely
I took you for granted an let go of the wheel
An as we reached uncharted waters you dwindled
Could no longer handle my careless ways
You were sensitive to pain
And gave into reality
But you were my gravity
That held me to the earths ground
But now I see it was me
So from a bow
I'll set an aflame arrow free
Watch it impale the sail
Caressed by the wind the flames grew
I let you go with the pieces of linen swept up in the wind
Thoughts of you drip from my mind
And get caught in my throat
A taste I once loved
I can't stand no more
You were the balance that help me walk along the tight rope
But it's time to let you go
So I'll let you flow out of me
Like *****  
And it hurts when I gag
There's so much that's there
Not enough time to breath
But if this is the only way to set you free
Then I'll let you go

I'll let go of my selfish desires  
the memories
The moments
The times were all I could do is stare at you
The times where I was at a lost for words
The times you filled my heart
When you where the colors to my world
I'll let it all go
And allow the gray skies to take over
Allow your days to fill with an overflowing sunrise
While I drown in my liquor of tears  
As the hurricane of misery passes me
I'll allow the screaming pain to take over and enrapture me
In my ever flowing blood stream
I watch my foolish words and my vexatious ways enthrall me with torment
As I was yours
I forfeit these desires and cut the ties
This my goodbye
My adieu
To you my beloved
It's time to let you go

on the first day of spring
my mother died

she had always loved flowers
and had turned
our interior hallway
into a luscious greenhouse
   father was not always happy
   about the falling leaves

in her later years
when skiing was no longer hers
she hated winters
   their long nights
   their waning sun

she was always longing
   for spring
waiting for the day
the morning sun lit up
the kitchen desk again
in her parents’ house
where she was born
   and had grown old

the night before
I had called and told her
that here in the south
the first flowers were already
   dotting the gardens

she had smiled on the phone
   almost inaudibly
speaking had become difficult

   maybe her last images
   were of colorful spring meadows

today at 7.10 a.m.
my mother died

spring has come

Hate fluctuates in the air when I breath
Can you relate
When I tell you it constricts me like a snake
The angel sitting on my shoulder has been removed
His rival has crawled in my mouth
And sits in my tongue groves  
It's hard to control what I say until it's to late
My words crippling like a deceptive *****
I've lost all concept of who I am
Can you relate when I say
The reflection in the mirror has gone away
Trust use to ride shotgun with me
But I bailed from the car
When I let it grab the wheel
We would veer off an wreck
It drove me to think people could be trusted
But their words were like plastic toys
Fake
And they melted in the heat
Believing in others a mistake
It's hard to think anyone else can relate

I wanted to see
See who you are
Who we ought to be
What we should've been
But there you go
Once again
I remember this pain
I remember your words
Your promises
You amaze me
How easily you trap me, everytime
Will I ever really let it go
Will I ever let it be enough
What are the limits
*what are our limits
Will I keep your love
Or can I give my heart a break
Wait...
Is that the same thing?
Braking my heart...
Wait no...
That's not what I meant
I meant rest
But I guess,
Why not,
Once again..

the days fly by
busy with all those useful things
I do to make a living
of some sort

and all throughout
your presence in my thoughts
   wondering how you are
   whether your days go well
even though we do not talk
about it on the phone
as often at the time

always the feeling
of a saddening lack,
missing your voice,
your touch, your laughter
   even your grumblings
emails and sms’s help just
   to know that you are there

yet nothing lifts my heart
   and blows away
   that melancholy gauze
until we meet again
and I can hold you tight
and dance with you
   all through the night
into a brighter morning

             * *

Who am I
I thought I knew
But now I don't have a clue
I seem to have lost myself
Like a book missing from its shelf
Not to be read
But removed
A book that shouldn't have been written
Before I thought I was a kind person
I must have been kidding
Yes I was designed to solve others pain
But now I've become accustomed to using what you tell me against you
Sharing your deepest feeling and fears will just be in vain
Wanted to be a problem solver
But I just create more
I wanted to be the one everyone trust
Conquer anger
But couldn't defeat my own
Once thought I was a confidence booster
It became my job like a career
But I knew ******* with words
So suddenly And in a flash
Like a car you didn't see coming from your rear
Thought I was the person who was suppose to feel
But inside I'm cold
Who am I