sad I am
     and go to bed
lock my heart up
     from inside
in my soul
     I dim the light

so none sees
    so none hears
all the fury
   all the pain
struggling in my flood of tears

about 250 years ago
young Johann Wolfgang Goethe’s tale of Werther’s
passionate unfulfilled love and ensuing suicide
triggered a wave of suicides across all Europe

the author was more than embarrassed  
it is reported he was actually quite shocked
by this effect of his romantic writ

from then on he avoided the portrayal
of hypersensitive romantic youths
    with their emotional entanglements
    and often fatal ends
and preferred dramas of the simpler sort

     like the eternal fight of good and evil
     the striving for almightiness and universal knowledge
     dilemmas of obedience and command
     et cetera

today, like then, young people
go through the stifling pains of unrequited love
and feel they hover at the brink of the abyss
    ready to jump

then, as today, young Werther’s suicide
is nothing but a waste of youthful life
that could have brought him many happy moments
had he allowed himself to stay alive

It's that time of the month
That makes your emotions run amuck
They seem to be like a stick shift in a truck
Never staying in one gear
Your mood is like spoiled food
As you explain how much your in pain
Lying in anguish
As each ache corse through your veins
Blame eve
For the invisible sledge hammer being lodged into your back
Crippling cramps riddle your body
Violent pain
Like your abdomens are being flirted with
Tiny incisions foreplay
Caressed by shards of glass  
Temptations of sleep a figment of the past
Blame eve
For the hormones that sprout like weeds
Appetite expand and recedes
Like the moonlight tides
The pain come in strides
Punches in its time card
Each month
And you can blame eve

I want to sink my teeth in you
Drain you till there's nothing left
Until your veins suffocate
Caress you with my finger nails
As they spilt your skin
Through your silk dress
Rip your heart through your breast
An watch it quit beating in my hands
Oops that's to gruesome
I want to bound you upside down
By your ankles
Slit your throat
And watch you choke
On your blood
And slowly rip you apart
Wait that's still to dark
I want to slather you
In red goo
From a tube
And lick it all up
Because I like the taste of ketchup
Wait, what ?

It pumps just like yours
But Insides an empty shell
Deserted by its workers
Who complained the job didn't pay well
The environment gloomy
With no windows to keep it well lit  
And no vents to keep the air circulated
So they gasped and choked
On the oxygen that grew heavy like smoke
The ceilings and walls peeling
Draped in a stale red  
Empty desk where the employees slaved
White papers slathered on the floor
Decorated with knocked over chairs
Hallways once active
Now empty
Filled with the sound of flickering lights breathing
A heart like mine shut down
From the lack productivity
Everyone left in a panic rush
Like the stock market crash
I have a heart just like yours
But inside its empty
And the doors still remain chained shut

always there

and suddenly gone

too quietly
too fast
  to adapt to the absence
  of your presence

why did you not
go to your check-ups

why did you pretend
to smile
when you knew
you were dying

why

   why

      why

Men have you puking into trash cans,
With the thought of not being good enough, your life is on every back burner. Because sweet heart lets face it, this place is hell you're living in. Each tear is a knife to your face, a knife to the brain. Mental damage, but it's okay because he likes it this way.

Not here to be like or adored
If you don't like what I write
I don't mind being ignored
There's a reason I have a blank profile picture
In my words you will find me
All my ****** features
Between each line
Each string of my bushy hair is defined
The darkness of my eyes
While your reading
You meet my glare
My poems are a like portrait
And inside the painting is me
A depiction
An inscription
On the pages
And as you climb down the ladder of sentences you'll step on my nose
Only to reach the curve of my lips
While I recite out loud
Finally my chin
Where hair hangs like clothes
What I look like doesn't define me
If you trying to find me
You already have

I wonder what's under that skin?

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
Born in the wild
Raised around apes
As they congregate behind the leaves amongst the trees
Sometimes I feel like I don't belong
But there's no way to escape
I'm just another ball
Tethered to this world to be played with
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
Who's been lost for awhile
No home to be far from
Traveled a road paved with un proportional tiles
Conceived from of the cracks I slipped through
No concept of the word love
Baptized In the faith of hate
Loneliness a stain on my jeans
Bitterness pokes me when I'm awake
motherless child
Who wasn't pulled out the womb
Unearthed from a tomb