Let me tell you about this boy I love.
His name is common, but I've never met anyone like him.

He's got mood-ring eyes
and an open-mouthed smiled.

He lives far away
but I've never felt closer to another person.

We're not exactly the same people we were as when we began.
and that's not a bad thing.
In fact, it's quite good.
Because that means we've grown
and he hasn't gone away.

It means he's the one that's going to stay.

let me tell you about something I learned through my travels,
regardless of the fact that i've only ever stayed in one place.
play with the same toy enough,
and if you're not careful - you'll break it.

shook up,
got stood up.
for a couple of gals in shorter skirts.

made plans,
***** demands,
i'd oblige without complaint.

if you sat still,
you'd get ill.
at least that's what you've convinced yourself.

i've been called a *****.
been called a tease.
been called a ******.

and that's just the start.

flinch at things that have no meaning,
but sound like they should be offensive:
****.

no, no sweetie.
the words that hurt me
are the ones laced with gold
and grown in a field of baby's breath.
no, no honey.
the words I fear
are ones you can't hear
because they're hidden between the lines.

victimize
with those eyes.
the ones I saw staring back at me.


                                           you transform my distress
into your guilt.
I'm not a scapegoat
for the way you feel towards yourself.

                                                you're blamelessness
                                                reminds me of my shamefulness.

i'm convicted of crimes against humanity
convicted of crying over you and me.

                        you saw it didn't you?
                        that I couldn't make eye-contact with you.
                        because i'm no good.
                        but good at being bad.

disappointed in me,
myself -
because my best never seems to make it into your realm of goodness.
hiding
bleeding gums from when your words are pointed at me
i'm still finding the tiny glass shards you kept beneath the sheets.

You've always got that face on.
Always the victim.
Always bored.
You always say always.
I'm always late.
Always busy.
Always waking up early.
I always say sorry.
We always snark.
We always swoon.
We always fantasize
About a day in the future
When we're never not together.

Meet me in the summer when my hair has grown out a bit.
Meet me on a Wednesday at 4:00.
Meet me with open mouth and balled fists.

I'll come to you on day with a breeze that reddens your cheeks.
I'll come to you with flowers tucked behind my ears and your favorite song stuck in my head.
I'll come to you whole.

Let's go to the beach way past our bedtime.
Let's ride our longboards downtown and dart in and out of traffic.
Let's meet in the middle and then stay put.