I’ve got nothing to do
but carry on a life without you
I’ve got nothing to say
that could give you a reason to stay
I’ve got nothing to write
that differs from my melancholy thoughts from night
I’ve got nothing left
because everything left when you did

we collided
but where were the sparks
where was the extraordinary explosion
where was the passion
where was the focus of my daydream
where were you
were you in the taste of cigarettes
were you in the darkness of the night sky
were you in the breath transferred into me
where was I
was I in the blur of my vision
was I the distant beat of the music
was I in the smoke lingering on my tongue
we collided
or did we just crash?

We are the ocean
You are the serene morning waves
I am the choppy midnight tides
We are the trees
You are the sturdy branches
I am the weak withered leaves
We are the sun
You are the light illuminating every corner of the Earth
I am the rays scorching those in my way
We are the stars
You are the shining dime of the night sky
I am the self-destructing explosion in the dark
We are the music
You are the pulsing strength of the beat
I am the forgotten lyrics lost in the melody
We are each other
You are the best part of me
And I am the worst part of you.

My heart
Cracked at the corners
Freehand stitches attempting to hold it together
Whispering your name through the beats
Your heart*
Rich shades of crimson
Never broken and never needing to be fixed
Each strong pounding keeps you alive
Our hearts
Complete opposites
Weak leaning against strength
Dark looking to light
Our veins are ******* in each other like two ships
Leading back to us
*Two hearts in one

I wish I could say I understood
But I don’t
I wish I could know what runs through your head as you lie awake at 4am
But I don’t
I wish I could listen to your voice one last time before you keep quiet forever
But I can’t
I wish I could hold your hand tightly to keep you from leaving me
But I can’t
I wish I knew why you left me
But I never will

It’s Monday
I’m waking up without you
Rain is falling almost as hard as my tears
It’s Tuesday
I’m dragging myself out of bed with a heavy head and heavier heart
The glow from the outside is more harsh than uplifting
It’s Wednesday
I’m halfway between feeling everything and nothing
Birds chirping outside my window make it hard for the silence to get to me
It’s Thursday
I’m calling a cab to take me home from a night trying to forget what’s engraved in my mind
Stars in the sky are reminding me of your eyes
It’s Friday
I’m in my room confined to four bare walls
Breeze from the windows nearly freeze my body
It’s Saturday
I’m ignoring the calls and any efforts of communication
Dark clouds block the sun once more
It’s Sunday
I’m awake at 4am thinking about how you’re probably not dreaming of me
Rain is falling again, but my tears have dried.

No
[noh]
adverb
def./ a negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question, action, or request.


I said it.
Over and over when I saw the drawings and heard their words.
I choked it out.
In a bathroom stall as tears ran down my cheeks
They didn’t hear.

I screamed it.
In my head when he held me against him
I whispered it.
Out loud when he touched me in a way i didn’t want.
He didn’t hear.

I cried it.
In agonizing pain as he stood in my room.
I pushed it out of my lips from the depths of my hurt with my voice shaking yet strong
It wasn’t strong enough
He didn’t understand.

I lied it.
When the doctors asked me if I wanted to die.
I murmured it in the ice cold room pulling my sleeves so my scars didn’t show.
I just wanted to go home but home wasn’t the blue house on 69th terrace
I didn’t understand

I sobbed it.
Into my pillow at 3am when it trapped me in it’s death grip at last.
Her voice had become louder than mine
And I can’t say it anymore.
No one listens.



-o.g