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Chris Thomas May 2017
I am frozen in constant motion
I am the fog rolling into the valley
Absorbing a pale, forgotten horizon
For my eyes are now useless and folly

Grant me my daily consequences
Salvation's boulevard blisters my feet
My hands caress these rolling hills
Veiling them in blankets of ice and sleet

As the sun rises, I am stationary
As though I'm tethered to my shadow
The depth of my plight has grown ever deeper
While my list of reasons has grown ever shallow

They label me 'forever falling'
They pull the tourniquet far too tout
I am frozen in constant motion
With no hope of getting out
Chris Thomas Jul 2017
I'm easing my thoughts into mountains distant
Settling them down on a plot of empty land

No automobile could reach this perfect place
No telephone could interrupt my dreaming

There's just breath here that I've failed to inhale
And altitude that brings my mind full circle

There's no money here, nor the madness that shares its DNA
Only me, alone with self-preservation

Have I ever been anywhere more serene than nowhere?
Outside, the mindful breeze flies my burdens back to city lights

I hear only the simple noises; no more bickering, clatter, or static
So I can finally break this fever that's burned me for years
Chris Thomas Jan 2017
"Good morning," says 5:06
This is your gentle reminder to arise
Be forewarned that the sun is waking
On the brink of dawn or disaster

We all have failures to atone for
And this is your gentle reminder that
No matter how many times you climb
Your feet will never stand upon holy ground

"Good afternoon" says 1:15
This is your gentle reminder to venture forth
But this is a place that you have no claim to
So be off like the nosy brat you have become

We all come here to escape someone
And this is your gentle reminder that
The someone who pursues is quick
Running on cylinders that you don't yet possess

"Goodnight" says 11:49
And this is your gentle reminder to evanesce
This is a place that preys upon your weakness
So close your eyes and dissolve into dreamless sleep

We all survive our own mortality
And this is your gentle reminder that
To bring favor upon remaining days
You must release the grasp on the ones before
Chris Thomas Apr 2017
I've learned over the past seven years
That destiny is just a pill
Shaped to go down easy
Flavored to taste sweet at first
Yet poisoned to **** you slowly

There's no escaping the aftermath
When you pray for safer waters
When you reach for outstretched hands
Yet no one's there
Except a ghost without a grip

I can't erase what's been created
Only toss dirt on an already-filthy heart
Stained forever by her apathy
And destroyed by no great tragedy
Just slow, and bitter, bleeding
Caused by her fading scent
Chris Thomas Sep 2016
So you weave an elaborate tale
And you feed the endless consumption
But when it all
Comes down
To the truths, the rights, and the wrongs

You're just a coward
A foundation of putty and lies
Days are dwindling
And your roots
Are showing to be brittle and breakable
Chris Thomas Jun 2021
Outstretched hands
I'm governed by a cycle of choices
Wash.
Rinse.
Repeat.

Dirt under my fingernails
I listen to a thousand voices
Wash.
Rinse.
Repeat.

Gripping a shovel
I break earth and hit layers of shale
Break.
Stop.
Withdraw.

Eleven barren harvests
Yielding no fruit; just a thin, darkened veil
Break.
Stop.
Withdraw.

I suppose by now my disposition is bitter
From the gravitas that courses these bloodless veins
Write.
Speak.
Destroy.

I collect no glee from your failure
Nor scintillating coins that rattle at feet like chains
I just write.
Speak.
Destroy.
Chris Thomas Apr 2016
Outstretched hands
I'm governed by a cycle of choices
Wash.
Rinse.
Repeat.

Dirt under my fingernails
I listen to a thousand voices
Wash.
Rinse.
Repeat.

Gripping a shovel
I break earth and hit layers of shale
Break.
Stop.
Withdraw.

Eight barren harvests
Yielding no fruits, just broken, rusted locks
Break.
Stop.
Withdraw.

I suppose by now my disposition is bitter
The gravitas courses these bloodless veins
Write.
Speak.
Destroy.

I collect no glee from your failure
Nor scintillating coins that rattle like chains around feet.
I just write.
Speak.
Destroy.
Chris Thomas Apr 2016
Happiness is not a highway
It's a green exit sign
Failure is not a collision
It's just the yellow lines
Chris Thomas Oct 2016
I lead, grey follows
I shepherd it in ways my heart commands
I bleed, grey follows
I stitch up the wound and start again

I am unabridged
The death that I fear is only part of my story
I am tumbleweed
But I am blockaded by these shimmering cascades

I retreat, grey follows
Back to a world where my pen is my only weapon
I awaken, grey follows
I recognize that I'm completely off the beaten path

I am captive to my skeletons
And I cannot start from the beginning anymore
So I thatch a roof above my head
And build a floor below my heart
Chris Thomas Dec 2016
The dust has settled,
Minds rest on the brink of disaster
The gravel has crumbled,
Fleeting footsteps have erased ever-after
I'm halfway through the endgame
Yet only quarter of the man I thought I'd be

The winds have circled,
Tearing asunder the bliss of yesterday
The sky has shattered,
Dropping pieces of every blue and grey
I'm halfway to my sanctuary
Yet only quarter of the man I thought I'd be

The patience has dwindled,
Chaos reigns upon the prince's throne
The lies have multiplied,
Thievery designed to draw soul from bone
I'm halfway to a day of reckoning
Yet only quarter of the man I thought I'd be
Chris Thomas Oct 2020
The storm
It started long before I drew a breath
And it's bound to rage
Far beyond when I draw my last
The stars have been landing
Just outside of my front door
In such brilliant displays
Of silver, whispers, and fury
And I've been told there's a place
Full of dark veils and darker dreams
That we used to dance through
On our blinded path to the light
And to this madness
That has yet to speak, I say speak!
Be heard in this silent symphony
Do not linger in shadow, lurking
Because the storm
Is not yet halfway over yet
And all the hours we spend wringing
Would be far better served singing
Chris Thomas Jan 2017
The damage is worse
Than I expected
My wings have been ripped
Violently from my back
In this world of perfect crashing
And unremitting burning
There is no stitch
Capable of fixing me now
Every time
I dust myself off
There's a slinking shadow
That stares me down
Every moment
I plead erased from memory
Returns with the vengeance
Of a scorned partner in crime
A step forward
Is a downed power line
A step back
Is a jagged precipice  
A step to my right
Is a barbed-wire sanctuary
A step to my left
Is the path of least resistance
But the choice remains harder
Than I ever expected
Chris Thomas Oct 2016
Boots caked with mud
A broken key in the keyhole
And headlights that peer through cracked curtains

Talons dripping with blood
A heart stripped from its cavity
And headlights that burn through the blindness

Shirts stained with sweat
A souvenir lost by the side of the road
And headlights that cut through the devil's breath

Stars blanketing southern skies
A falling remnant of yesteryears
And headlights that have died from the overdose
Chris Thomas Nov 2016
We walk with our headphones on
Drowning out the ever-changing noise
Dropping pennies in wire-brimmed hats
As the subway roars beneath our feet
We set gears in motion with no intention
Of ever fixing them when they spin off
We call it freedom, but it's just retribution
For a host of mistakes that we've unleashed
We are paper tigers with nary a pencil
So by all means, tranquilize us before we pounce
And if kindness had teeth that could **** a man
Then sadly, our hearts are still alive and well
Chris Thomas Jul 2017
In the palm of my hands
There is stone
There is lace
And a rope bridge between heaven and hell

Ashen-haired symphony
I am resolved
To tend your wounds
So you can save my heavy soul tonight

I am not a castaway
Just a weathered picture frame
A drop of midnight
In an ocean of morning dew

I feel a hand touching mine
Not of stone
Not of lace
But made of love and atmosphere

And through the darkest nights
Unable-bodied as I am
I finally give way
To the grace that crushes my empty lungs

With each step that I take now
I am hellbent,
Yet heaven-broken
Caution is the property of the wind
Chris Thomas Aug 2017
The rust across your eyes
Should have been a shallow warning
The ease in which I become a failure
Should have been clearer by now

Perhaps the trust I bartered
Was just a copper coin of insignificance
And maybe, the kiss that lingered
Just smeared against the windowpane

The heralds came and left
Their static signals clamoring in our minds
The ringing in my ears won't fade
While we tepidly embrace our fate
Chris Thomas Apr 2016
I remember our heyday like it was yesterday
Starswept and bittersweet
I revolved around your sun
And jumped in with both feet

I remember our heyday like it was yesterday
You were extra and I was ordinary
I dismantled my world and myself
Everything but you was secondary

I remember our heyday like it was yesterday
Feast or famine, we ate our fill
The minute-hand lost its meaning
Time, a well-behaved child, sat perfectly still

I remember our heyday like it was yesterday
Three hour drives within a culdesac
Just to grasp at the straws of you
Just to drift away into a sea of black

I remember our heyday like it was yesterday
Golden years brought silver tears
But we weathered and eroded away
Became sandstone, and finally disappeared
Chris Thomas May 2016
I will court the most beautiful woman
I will sail the most enchanted sea
I will dangle on the edge of greatness
Plummeting to the depths of my destiny

I will not die whimpering in the night
I'll not creep tepidly into the morn
I will not shatter the illusion of a rose
Not even to escape the thorn

I will carry her fantasies upon my lips
I will strip her naked of her fears
I will bite the hand that feeds my appetite
To make her heart beat through all the tears

I will not evaporate like dew in the fields
I'll not shame myself into ascension
I will not carve my name into granite finales
Just to become her honorable mention
Chris Thomas Jul 2016
I am the sunlight
That causes your pupils to contract
I am the parade in your iris
Postponed by chance of cataract

I am within one of your senses
For the first time in leisurely years
I take form and travel down your cheek
Wiped away swiftly, lest I interfere

Drowning in double vision
Only one of me is real
I am the glimpse of reality in this fantasy
I am the love you close eyes to conceal
Chris Thomas Dec 2016
They tell me I stand on ceremony
That I feel neither embrace, nor slap
But though my rigid eyes refuse compromise
I am human, though not the one I was before

It's true that I like an order to things
And that my comfort rests in things I can touch
But of all the reasons I can see in the mind's eye
"I am human" is the one that resonates the most

I blend into the background where I've made my home
A world where shadows beget only more shadows
But though the darkness controls my existence
I am human, and there's light within me yet
Chris Thomas May 2022
If I was a daydreamer,
When did the sun set on this day?
Was it when my calloused hand trembled
As I painted my dreary soul across the canvas?
Or was it when the sour taste upon my tongue
Merged with the bitterness of her forgotten fruit?

If I was a daydreamer,
When did the dream finally fade?
Was it when my eyelids relished the hours
They once needed to weigh enough to subdue me?
Or was it when happenstance strengthened its resolve
And set me on paths I was never meant to walk?

If I was a daydreamer,
When does the magic swell in my throat again?
Is it when I sever the ties that bind
My desert heart from the tundra of my mind?
Or is it when the tides finally erase me
Like a grain of sand swept out to sea?
Chris Thomas May 2016
If it were only as simple as
Inhaling oxygen
And exhaling carbon dioxide
Then love would be the salt of the earth

If it were only as simple as
The sun rising in the east
And setting in the west
Then love would paint the bluest of skies

If it were only as simple as
Pulling a thorn
And stitching up the wound
Then love would bleed instead of us
Chris Thomas Jan 12
Seems for the time being,
I no longer feel real anymore
It feels evermore as if someone, nefarious or not,
Has traced an outline of my silhouette
Affixed a pair of soulless brown eyes
And caricatured a smile across my face

So for the time being,
I will no longer act real anymore
Because the only things I draw, well or otherwise,
Are Type A blood and messy conclusions
Where spatter and decisions
Are indistinguishable on the canvas of my life
Chris Thomas Jul 2022
The very heart within my chest
The only one I possess

The overseer of my desires
The captain of my blood

Has traitorously abandoned
All sense of reason

And in turn, me...

So now, I reject my own pleas
For it is clear that I am guilty
Chris Thomas Apr 2022

Men have waged war
For less than the glimmer of your eyes
Empires have crumbled into the sea
For less than the touch of your hand
Constellations have drifted apart
For less than the sound of your voice

So savor it, my love

Know thy love beckons
Amidst the chorus of life's despair
Yes, thy love still beckons
Amidst echoes of jealousy's snare
Chris Thomas Aug 2022
She feels more akin to a silhouette
Than she does skin, blood, and bone
She is outlined by shadows, silk, and lace
A queen perched upon a carven throne

She feels more akin to a bead of sweat
Than she does water, raindrop, or wine
She rises with the temperature in the room
Reinventing what it means to glisten and shine

Yet, I shall not jump to illusions this day
I lie in wait of a more tempestuous fate
The dancing her figure does throughout my mind
Never allows my heart chance to acclimate

She feels more akin to a midnight dream
Than she does morning or afternoon
She is beyond the setting of suns amidst horizon lines
The waxing and waning of the palest of moons
Chris Thomas Jun 2022

Wistless as I may be
I comprehend two, perhaps three
Of life's great mysteries

One of them is that
When I am lacerated
By blade, edge, word

Or the most terrifying weapon of them all
Silence.
I bleed.
Profusely.
Chris Thomas Mar 2022
I am just leftover shards
   Glimmering in the sand
       Carefree and camouflaged
             Where my eyes dry from salty seas

I am just salvage
   Resting upon my laurels
       On the shores
            Where sweet and bitter collide
Chris Thomas Jan 2023
"A patient man bides his time,"
Theodore tells the man in the mirror
Tomorrow, all the levees will break
And all the fables will be told
Of distant Decembers and forgotten fathers

Livelihoods will be threatened
And remorse will fall by the wayside
He watches as icicles on the awning
Melt away into puddles on the ground
"Warmer every day," he thinks to himself

He hangs up his scarf and overcoat
The way a simple man, with complex demons, is wont to do
And as his wants devolve into needs
And as all his anchors deteriorate to rust
Her smile unnerves a once-settled man

To think of the quality of glove necessary
To hold onto the wagon in this day and age
So Theodore pulls the door to,
Leaving Chopin's "Horseman" to gallop in peace
And in pieces

He watches her from across the courtyard
"Such sweet bliss in her footsteps," he sighs
And it seems to him as if the snow dissipates
Just from the warmth in her steady gait
Just from the radiation behind her brown eyes

He slides open the dresser drawer
A haven for scattered trinkets, odds, and ends
A place of respite for the weary souvenir
There, amidst all the corroded memories
Lies a corroded pistol, unspoken and unburnished

"And a lonely man drinks his wine,"
Theodore says, as intrepidly as he is capable
For there is a time when fathers stop teaching
A time when mothers stop singing
And a place where the sins stop searching

A last breath is deeply inhaled
But never again will find its escape
With a thud that echoes to Seymour Street
Theodore crumples to the cold wooden floor,
A simple man, finally free of complex demons
This is a poem about hopelessness, unrequited love, and the sense of loneliness that accompanies every loss.
Chris Thomas Apr 2016
One second glance
Into the looking glass
And I am swept away into a fantasy
Whisked by gales I try not to withstand

Radiant, brilliant, like a summer's eve
You cast a spectrum of light into my soul
Fragrant, ravishing, like flora from Atlantis
You tug and pull at every tout string

I am obliterated with beauty
And awash with such fair grace
Destroyed by the sweetness of your lips
Made whole again by a touch of your hand

If I open my lips I may be speechless
But you walk the ground within my mind
Read me quickly before I wither away
And my song will echo the great divide
Chris Thomas Jun 2021
Are frost-tipped noses
As crimson as roses?
Or are they just a window to winter's soul?
Are sun-dipped fairies
As green as rosemary?
Or have they all just flown too low?
Chris Thomas Oct 2016
"Love is loud, but always listens,"
Spoken through a tourniquet
Stare all your victims in their eyes
Until, at last, they finally submit

Demonstrate your charisma, please
While we take notes and spill the wine
Surreptitiously, you prance about
Testing fleet footing in all the landmines

Your whispers pierce my tender ears
All my barriers are paper-thin
West to east, you're back on the move
Wearing a smile engineered by safety pins

"Love is loud, but always listens,"
Spoken in tongues from distant lands
The nearer we come to this armageddon
The further we are from empty hands
Chris Thomas Oct 2017
Sometimes, I lie awake thinking
If there's a magic word
A fantastical phrase
A solemn song of our wonder years
That would make you return to me

I wonder the oddest of things
Where it must be stored
Who could guard such a treasure
And what it would take
To lockpick my way inside

And I die a bit more everyday
Suffocating from memories
Choking from dreams lost
And drowning in the deepest
Oceans of misery and regret

But, of all the sleepless thoughts
That rattle around
In the darkest corners of a broken mind
I think about the tears I've shed waiting
And the years I've let dance away
Chris Thomas Apr 2016
Wake me, o' sun
Bring life to these hollow limbs
I have dreamt only in serenity
To fill vacancies left by nefarious thoughts

Dismiss my trials
Ye holy judge of my lungs
Stagnancy chokes at my breath
As I gasp for my heart's appeal

Make haste, calloused heels
Carry me o'er these fruitless hills
Thirst conquers these feeble bones
As this feral enchantment dissipates

Noon will be o'erhead soon
The heat has grated me into pieces
Fast are thou demons in pursuit
Faster is the hardihood of my will

Thou shadows mount, o' moon
Traipsing to and fro along my path
Free shall I be once the lanterns are lit
Macerated but finally triumphant
Chris Thomas Jul 2016
I'm blindsided by her ambience
I'm overthrown by a lover's mutiny
My reflexes have grown slow to react
As I delve deep into her symphony
Harsh words between lips and tongue
Cold summers between spring and fall
She strokes my ego to veil intentions
Travels by sunsets to watch me crawl
Her pupils glisten as they savor me
Her hourglass, I trace with brittle hands
All hail the euphoria she brings
To quench the uprising of ***** demands
She barters for my soul
With riches found under lock and key
These dungeons reek of deadly sins
As she puts what remains of me on the marquee
Chris Thomas May 2022
Maybe,
Sensationally,
I have found the most elusive peace I have ever known
Maybe,
Sensationally,
All it took was the shatter of every bone
But maybe,
Sensationally,
It means I won't have to die alone
Chris Thomas Apr 2016
Maybe the truth hurts more than I do
Because everyone walks across it
On their way to an ocean of lies

There, they take their shoes off
Dip their duplicitous feet in the icy water
Feel the nips of the circling piranha
Watch the strength of the current's pull

And jump in anyway.
Chris Thomas Oct 2017
I elevate my heart
To stop the endless bleeding
But the tide is coming back in again
I grieve for the smiles forgotten
And the tears that were spilled
Like raindrops on the driest grains of sand

I hesitate to inhale
Because my lungs are still expanding
Fear is a means to a grisly end
And I ache for the timeless treasures
Or a glimpse of the aftermath
But tomorrow is just a leaf at the mercy of the wind
Chris Thomas Jun 2017
As I button up this plain shirt
On a mild Tuesday morning
It's good to know
That I can still smile without you

As I pour myself a glass of juice
And think of my children laughing
It's good to know
That I can still daydream without you

And as the days pass by swiftly
The pain you brought me bleeds away
And it's good to know
That life goes on without you
Chris Thomas Oct 2018
So the wind has circled back around
Picked up your scent
And carried it off again
You know, it's funny
Because the slightest of breezes
Can remind me of it
On days where the rain has soaked me
From the top of my guilt
To the bottom of my soul
On days where the moon pulls at my tides
From the shoreline of my failures
To the abyss your absence has caused

Everyone seems all too quick to remind
That this empty draught of mistakes
Was always just a poison
Weak enough to keep me alive
But strong enough to **** me slowly
And the thought of never refilling my cup
From the tap of your bitter bliss
Inspires sorrow that I have never known before

So now I watch our lightning die
Straining to hear one more meager clap of thunder
Something, anything
To carry your tempest back into this valley
Because even the slightest of sparks
Is enough to ignite my heart again
And set ablaze every forest from east to west
But now, our own creation aims to consume us, too
Chris Thomas Jun 2017
Your lies are insurmountable
But they are brittle as glass
I move the stars around the night sky
To hope that somehow,
I will move you

Your eyes are undeniable
But they are darker than the night
I move these colors around your halo
To hope that somehow,
I will move you

Your second glances are unattainable
But they're not as clairvoyant as they seem
I move these cars along this highway
To hope that somehow,
I will move you

Your aftertaste is unpalatable
But it lingers beyond the morning
I move my lips along the shadows on your skin
To hope that somehow,
I will move you
Chris Thomas Jul 2017
May flowers
Under broken raindrops, pale love devours
Nary a bucket to collect them in
Drowsy mornings
A trembling within, and solemn warnings
Nary a violin to soothe a sinking mind
Every awakening begins with a kiss goodnight
Chris Thomas Oct 2016
Looking around
the banquet table
Feeling the singe
of all the glances
Sifting through
unknown enemies

I hear the
laughter
I see the
guilt
I smell the
champagne

Waiting for
a devil's sunrise
Sweating from
dancing candlelight
Flanking shadows
catch me smiling

I make my
move
I cut swiftly
and deeply
I set the poultry
upon my plate
Chris Thomas Dec 2019
"My dear, I am a vandal,"
I am an eclipse of your brightest days
I am merely hollow, and in great despair
A turquoise sunset in a sunrise maze
I am an event horizon
Better left to its own devices
We are fragile as a sundered vase
Reaching for stars when clouds suffice

"My dear, I am an arrowhead,"
I am doused in poison with no remedy
I am a covetous despot and a saboteur
Forever an omen of our catastrophe
I am the first feet in a field of mischief
A master seamster of discord
We hoard the rain in this eternal drought
Just to corrode, and rust, our lethargic swords

"My dear, I am a bane of goodwill,"
I am marshes in your gardens green
I am ravenous and armed with tongues
A veil over your dreams unseen
I am corruption in the incorruptible
I am a syndicate of deceit
We strive to thrive in a heartless abyss
Weaving webs and yarns of the bittersweet
Chris Thomas Nov 2019
Silver lullabies
Or golden symphonies?
Does it make a difference here
In the fallout of me?
There's a silhouette
Of my future failures
Cast upon the wall
By the violence of the violet
In her eyes
And now I dwindle
Receding into the twilight
Pushed through my own dreamcatcher
That you slipped right through
So gracelessly, so carelessly
And silver lullabies
Drown out golden symphonies
As my dreams keep on chasing you
I finally plead for tomorrow's mercy
Chris Thomas Apr 2017
Failure
        is not a collision,
               It's only the yellow lines.
Chris Thomas Sep 2017
Light floods dilated pupils
As life scribbles its autograph upon them
White roses fall from the sky like rain
And I know there's no turning back now

Tilt me sideways, so the world is askew
For a minute, for a lifetime
Because I'm seeing everything for the first time
With this pair of brand new eyes

With no vanity, there is no mirror to break
And with no allegiance, there is no fate to disobey
I watch as the colors flee from predators
And I know there's no turning back anymore

This sharp breath that I finally inhale
Destroys me from the inside out
Because I'm seeing everything for the first time
With this pair of brand new eyes
Chris Thomas May 2016
I am no peaceful son of man
I am a crown of thorns
I am no hero, saint, or king
I'm just the weary worn
Bathed in evil, I trade love for war
Dreaming of evergreens
I am no peaceful son of man
I am a submarine

I am no peaceful son of man
I am chaos reborn
I am no martyr, prince, or god
I'm just a man forlorn
Shamed in silence, I whisper lies
Long since I knew the taste of truth
I am no peaceful son of man
I am abandoned youth
Chris Thomas Aug 2023
There is only one person in our short lives, where there absolutely is no depth too deep,
no obstacle too large, no bridge too far, nor sky too grey.

For I will dive where there is no air, I will push until my hands are raw, I will walk until my feet have bled, and I will chase the horizon until I have found the sun

Just to bring you back home.
Chris Thomas Oct 2023
The air has taken a chill
Not from Autumn, but from you
And my smile is fading quickly
I drink to keep from shuddering
Not from Autumn, but from you
And suddenly, I have erased my memory
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