I want to smile
And say 'im fine'
And i want that
One day...
To not be a lie

Last night I discovered galaxies
They were caught in waves
Washing up onto the shore
Following along behind us
Leaving our footsteps to glow

Last night I lay in a field
Two strangers by my side
Soon to become new friends
We spoke of the world
and watched the planets wave hello

Last night I thought of you
Your spirit by my side
I wanted to swim in everything
Take your hand and bring you
Into the deep warmth of below

Hands are underrated; I think
The comforting touch: the human link
Palms on thighs
Fingers entwined

Hands are underrated; as I understand
The feel of another: the hope of a hand
Palm to palm
Fingers dancing to song

Hands are underrated; I know
Gentle or aggressive. Both loving so
We'll love skin to skin
We'll live like eachothers twin

Never forgetting the comfort of hands
Because losing can devastate but no one understands

I left a trail of breadcrumbs for your lips to find
but they were hungry for something I couldn’t create.
I was hiding in a place that wasn’t hard to find
and I just,
I just wanted someone to take the bait.
But when the time came that you caught me there wasn’t champagne, there wasn't bouquets- no.
I looked behind to tag you back but you were already ten steps in the other way.
And to me this was play
but to you it was probably just a game.
We were a picture that couldn’t fit into any frame
or a fire that couldn’t be contained, it was all the same.
Just like the very place you called pleasure became the same room I called pain.

I spent my entire life chasing shooting stars
thinking that I could make all my wishes come true,
stopping my feet here and there just to then try and
catch my breath.
I was always chasing but never very good at pacing.
I got battles with my mind erasing while my heart keeps retracing
and in that time
on the assembly line
they smacked me with a sticker that said, “Replacing”.

You see I was born with fingers that were small and stubby,
stretching out trying to grab the answers I would always come up short on.
My heart’s been known to skip beats but sometimes as it skips,
it gets caught on something and trips
head over heals down a black hole that swallows then spits
me into another time and place where you are stripped;
from sight misplace, but I still chase
because no one ever taught me how to land in space.

And if you took my legs I would crawl through wet concrete,
and if you took my arms I would roll to a mountain peak,
and if my body is taken this heart would still beat
because when you left that home
you forgot to turn off the radio
so all of our songs still play on repeat,
you can hear them through the walls and down my streets
where everyone else still hears it too
but I,
I was the idiot for giving my only set of keys to you.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to close gaps
that I probably had no business closing in the first place.
But even if I’m not the one who wins the race,
or finds the foot this glass slipper longs to embrace,
or catches a shooting star flying in cold space
I know that being here is better than being there,
that living today is better than dying tomorrow,
and even if,
even if these tiny talking hands never get a reply
that it sure beat the hell out of never giving it a try.

We had our time
Hot summer nights
Dreaming under the stars
Kissing scars and getting completely lost
in eachother arms
We bloomed like vibrant flowers
and wept tears of joy
May showers
Talked about our love for endless hours
It was us we entangled in unity
But too soon we experienced the fall
Inevitably we reached a flaw
and those petals withered in the chill
We died out and lost the thrill
This winter has lasted far too long
You're far gone yet I'm still here musing along
Waiting for spring

As I stand beneath the blackened sky,
Horror within the dead of night
Deep below these trembling feet,
Lies a secret bittersweet

Across the lake of fire,
Through deserts of decay
Black out the moon and stars,
Hate ridden is my fate

Embedded by the poison,
Inside my dying veins
I encompass nothing more,
Only solitude and pain

But without this moment,
Without this despair
I would not know love,
I would not breathe air

And so I wander,
Between a leaden life
Seeking my fortune,
Through struggle and strife

I think about this girl all the time
Most of these poems are dedicated to her
And I'm so grateful that her parents decided to play it free
Because it produced this beautiful young lady
The only thing left that can inspire me
You see, life is a dark meaningless pit for me
Depression a beast I can't put back on the leash
It took control years ago, leaving this broken son
Basically brain dead, unable to have fun
Enjoyment doesn't come to me, all I know is pain
So when I met this girl, my mind was blown
It rearranged everything I thought I knew about this game
For the first time ever, hope was present
Death not so inviting, life worth living
Something to look forward every day, giving me a reason to get up in the morning
Breaking the constant cycle of sadness and mourning
Her smile? Golden
And hugging her was my only heaven on Earth
The embrace of someone you loved, it can cure you of any hurt
So when the thoughts come back
And I'm chilling with those pills
I tell her I love her, she says it back
And I manage to survive a little longer in this world

In South America, truck drivers are paid collossal amounts
of money, to deliver supplies between towns on
roads, no wider than the width of their trucks.

When you turned up on my doorstep that sunday in the rain,
your eyes told me before your lips did.

Sixty three hundred days is a long long time to wait for someone,
but I would do it all over again,
if it meant I could fall asleep in your arms one last time.

Next Autumn when the leaves turn rusty and fall from the trees,
I'll remember the afternoon we spent in Victoria park,
where you waded to the middle of the duckpond,
just because I said you wouldn't.

Your mother always told me when we stacked away the good china after Sunday lunch,
that your stubborness always got in the way of what was right.

You've been gone eight hours and still nobodies reminded me how difficult I can be at times.

Eight months later and everytime the phone rings I imagine your voice crackling down the line "come get me from the supermarket, I have sugar buns. "

She walked in from the street
windswept,
she had come close to breaking
everything in the outside
weighing down upon her
with every passing second
expectations
clashing
with reality
leaving her cracked
and those cracks told her story
with no falsity
it was plain and simple
and he traced the cracks
with his own yellowed fingers
smiling at her
enjoying the tale
enjoying her
not wanting to save her
or fix her
just wanting to keep her
keep her
as she is