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Eilish Nov 2014
When did my mind change?
When did I become this senseless, desperate monstrosity?
When did you fall out of love with me?
Eilish Nov 2014
The night we meet
We sat in that field
Sharing cigarettes and stories
I told you of my heart ache
And you listened

The weeks onward
When we fell in love
And we dreamed and we planned
Marry me in Thailand, you said
But I knew, by then, when you were lying

And then away you went
Across the world, to another world
And I was lost
My life became longing and heart ache again
But you were still listening

Still I lost myself further
Drowning in the dark
I listened to another
Taking advantage of my heart
I hurt you, I hurt you

And we met again
Eyes locked together in that foreign city
Walking streets together as if,
As if we were the only two left in this world
You listened and you forgave

Back in our home
We combine our things
Build a nest, build a sanctuary
Where we lived peacefully and lovingly
And then we didn't, not at all  

So much has happened in these small two years
My mind is ill, I can't comprehend
Everything is sour, its all such a mess
My heart is still aching
But your not listening
This night we met, my friends and I
Sharing cigarettes and stories
They told me of their heartache
And I realised, I should have really appreciated you
My mind is ill, my mind is ill
Don't even know if this makes sense, I'm just typing.
Not very subtle for those on here that know me personally.
But its not like I ever leave the house anymore so I wont see you around.
Eilish Nov 2014
These words you say
And the others too
They don't mean a thing
They are all so untrue

I care, I care
I'll always be there
It will all be okay
I promise, one day

Why waste your breath?
Why tell me this lie?
Just speak your true feelings
And tell me goodbye

******* hell I'm so mad
I hate seeing you sad
And I miss you too
I want to see you

Its not a competition
I'm just trying to say
The things that you do
They hurt me this way

I'll try, I'll try
But right now I'm high
I think, I think
**** I need a drink

He seems so happy
Oh you know him so well?
She's batshit crazy
Oh just go to hell

I don't own the guilt you feel
Each time that I cry
Who even cares?
I want to curl up and die
Eilish Nov 2014
This one is different from before
This one is empty
This one is angry
This one is dark and sad
But it is not like the others

Is this what its really like to be in love?
I have never felt so much pain for so long
So what were the others?
Because they were definitely not this.

This one is ongoing
This one is hopeful
This one is longing

And I don't even know what I'm saying
But I do know
There will not be an end to this pain
Unless he takes me swimming in the seas of Spain
Whats even going on?
Eilish Nov 2014
At least I thought

None of you are who you want to be
Who you say you are to strangers

Its seems the opinion of strangers is what matters most
If it means you will be regarded in this false light

Lets be disingenuous
Lets be in denial
Lets play pretence

With all of our wonderful
You are perfect as you, but I suppose that's not important anymore.
Eilish Nov 2014
It has been a long time

Yet it feels as if yesterday
You awoke from my side
Reluctantly leaving the bed

Gentle pressure placed upon my eyes
Back then I had less reason to hide

But change happens quickly

Empty and lonely we each said goodbye

The in between






And Love

I still see it in you

I am hopelessly hopeful that you see it too
Eilish Jun 2014
I have been absent
I have been used


Left for food
Scraps on the floor of ones mind

That piece together to make a once smiling face

Now distorted with shame and hysteria

For those unknowing to stare, to judge

Today I learnt that I am strong

Today I saw the love you're trying to deny

and with your presence, changed but yet there

I will bet that ******* that tore me in two

that stole me from you

and never let me forget
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