I have been watching myself for years.
It has taken years to destroy each knot
each rule, each limit, and each principle
to finally accept that a fractured self is still capable of wholeness.
Chains and fences and harsh lines
These things I built up so tightly
for a sense of purpose and identity.
Proximity to perfection is not synonymous with safety
Although it can feel that there is no truer guideline
than one's own.
We must allow space to fail and meet our limits
meet our shadows
connect with our benefactor, humility.
To constantly be running toward an undetermined end
is to be critical with no reward.
When will you ever be good enough for yourself
if you never stop to sit and look around.

Sometimes I forgot
why I hold my breathe
but I do it anyways.
It's more out of habit,
like how my cat licks herself
a thousand mindless times.
But sometimes,
I remember!
I am so lucky to have these lungs,
to have this chance.
I remember, to be gentle
to myself.

Ill always smile
when I think
about you.
Your soft touch,
your sweet smile,
your gentle laughter.
You give me hope;
hope about people
and about society.
Our paths crossed
for only a short while
but you made my
heart flutter,
you caught me
in a way I’ll always
remember.
-JRM

no,
I am not a gate keeper
and if I was
I'd be a bad one at best.
Loose screws and chicken wire
am I nothing more than a broken fence
for every right I appeal
seems to stir up your defense
why is my heart so open
and your hands so greedy
digging into my soil
why can't my words
and my hurt
loosen my jaw enough
to over ride my logic
to take that chance away
from hurting you
by asking for what space
is rightfully ours
to share.

Before long,
and day after day
the universe still asks me
to open up wider
than I had ever thought possible
my heart
for the world to be consumed
by my love and understanding
my deep and turbulent ocean
can still give
more
than impossible
and that can never be stolen

it's never too early to pack up your whole life
of memories and hopeless grudges.
Pounds of paint
scraps of metal
half read medical books
screws and nails

I'm moving out tomorrow  
and boy am i excited
to pack up my belongings.
I'm excited to stop crying in this room
about a future that's unforeseeable
and a past that's unchangeable.

I'm excited to ***** the backyard with my hands
with potting soil and dream seeds