Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Carolyne McNabb Jul 2016
Back into the circus,
Back into the ring.
Just another spectacle,
Another freak they can make sing.
I'll do my flips and tricks,
I'll sing, dance, juggle flaming sticks.
The audience laughs and cheers.
If one jeers, boos- no one can hear.
The thunderous applause,
Whistles of approval,
All of the oohs and ahhs
Please me and tickle my ears.
Welcome to my carnival.
Here in this tent I put on a show.
It is a mirage to please all who go.
It is the most convincing act-
A performance no one can look past.
They can't see the real me
Past the freak they want me to be.
Here in my circus,
Here in the ring.
Ring around the rosy,
Throw the ashes around like sickness.
Welcome to my carnival
Where I'm just another freak who can sing.
Ring around the rosy circus tent
Until in ashes it all falls down.
Carolyne McNabb Jul 2016
Good morning, darling.
What have you been up to?
Do you still want to talk to me?
Was I just not good enough
the last time...
Did I stick around too long?
And now you know me too well.

I know, I know
it's time to pick up the pieces and run but
I'm scared, I'm so scared.
I don't really know what's out there.
You don't even see
how miserable I'll be!
But now I have to pick up the pieces and run.

Did my affections scare you?
Did I kiss your face too much?
Was it just too painful when I
said your name-
so sweet on my lips...

I know, I know
It's time to pick up the pieces and run but
I'm scared, I'm so scared.
Someone tell me I can face what's out there!
Look into my eyes and see
how miserable I'll be.

How miserable I'll be
that now I have to
pick up these shattered,
scattered
pieces
and run.
Carolyne McNabb Jul 2016
I climbed a mountain
and I looked down below.
Maybe I could have stayed up there longer
if I hadn't looked down on you.
I climbed a mountain,
leaving my past on the ground below.
Why did I feel the need to look down there?
I was so ready, so eager to start anew.
I climbed a mountain
but I stumbled when my fears began to show.
I hesitated, backpedaled, faltered,
and fell through.
Down...

down...


down...

to the bottom of the mountain,
back to my old ways, on the ground below.
Maybe I could have stayed up there longer
if I had climbed the mountain with you.
Carolyne McNabb Jul 2016
White orchids, daffodils,
a handful of violet petals
on your grave.
My love I brought all your favorites today.
They match the sky so well,
not like when my world fell apart.
It came crashing in a storm
just like your car that day.
My love, I brought you flowers to say,
it’s over, I’m done
trying to survive alone.
We were okay but now my sky
is forever grey.
So collide with me,
ride with me to
the forever beyond.
Call my name, take my hand,
take me to Never Again Land.
Steal my breath away-
I don’t want it anymore.
My love, I brought you flowers today.
See the flowers on your grave.
I brought you flowers,
*you’ll see.
Thinking about putting music to this on piano and cello
Carolyne McNabb Jul 2016
I was nothing
but a means to an end.
I was nothing,
and I trusted you, my friend.
I was nothing,
and you loved how easy
it was to use me.
I was nothing when you held me.
You were everything,
and I fell swiftly,
hopelessly.
Yet I was still nothing.
Nothing but a means to an end.
You ate my heart whole,
you soulless demon.
**** you-
may you never ensnare another naive soul.
**** you...

go back to hell.
Carolyne McNabb Jul 2016
There is a beauty in madness.
You don't believe me?
There is nothing more beautiful than this:
that someone would feel so deeply
so passionately for one thing,
whether it be a toxic love
or a blinding hatred.
Us humans-feeble and corrupt
have a power underestimated.
The power to feel with the intensity
of a fire-consumed forest,
or a wave that splits the sea.
We have a weapon inside of us.

There is a beauty in madness.
Has it touched you yet?
Have you loved or hated with your best?
Did you feel that power reciprocated
as every molecule coursed in your veins?
There is a beauty in madness.
Will you restrain it
or let it overtake your feeble self?
Carolyne McNabb Jul 2016
A broken down Chevy-
Doesn’t that sound like a country song?
My broken down Chevy
Is where my life started and I began to belong.

That little pickup stayed true to its name.
It could pick up and take me anywhere,
Or we could park in a field and I could write,
To me it was all the same.

Being behind its leather wheel
Was a freedom I’ll forever cherish.
Eighteen with nowhere to be
Except driving my Chevy, every joy I could feel.

When I lost my job
I gained an eviction.
But I still had my Chevy
And I had its bed to sleep in.

There was no work in my small town.
I knew I had to leave,
Just my Chevy and me.
We traveled for days to the biggest city we found.

By the time we arrived
My Chevy had begun to sputter,
It shook, it moaned, it stopped.
And there on the highway, my Chevy died.

I knew this day would come-
My Chevy was a ’57.
But it carried me hundreds of miles
To the city in which my new life had begun.

A broken down Chevy-
Doesn’t that sound like a country song?
My broken down Chevy
Is where my life started and I began to belong.

I left it there on the highway.
With no job and only pocket change
I couldn’t keep my beloved Chevy
By towing it anyway.

Now I’m twenty-five
And the head of a publishing company.
I married an artist who always supported me.
Today he waited at home with a surprise.

My broken down Chevy,
Fully restored and brought back to life,
Was in the driveway
With a note taped to the window with the key.

“I believe this is yours
And may I say she’s beautiful!
I found your Chevy on the side of the highway.
Gosh I think it’s been six or seven years!”

“My father was always handy with cars
And he taught me his trade.
I towed your Chevy and meant to sell it
Once I had fixed it up to shine like stars.”

“As I was cleaning the compartments out
I found your old journal
Full of letters you wrote to yourself
And bible verses, all about perseverance, no doubt.”

“Your story inspired me.
It honestly rocked me to my core.
I had lost all hope in myself and the world.
I was fighting cancer, you see.”

“I read your journal every day, every page.
And the more I read, the more I believed
In those verses you treasured so.
I continued restoring your truck, and last year I got saved.”

“My cancer was gone, seemingly overnight.
The doctors couldn’t believe it!
And honestly
Neither could I!”

“I thank God every day
For the story He gave you,
And I thank Him
Because you broke down on that highway.”

“Now I’m returning this Chevy to you.
She shines like a diamond and runs like a river.
I hope you can forgive me but I am keeping your journal-
My granddaughter is fighting cancer now too.”

“Please pray for her and I’ll keep you in my prayers always.
Thank you for being the person you are.
Goodbye and thank you again, my friend.
Like your broken down Chevy,
We’ve been made new; we’re eternally saved!”
Next page