The stars are falling off my ceiling.

I'm paying bills,
Buying college books,
Saving for a car,

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

My calendar is full
Marked with appointments
And work hours

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

My friends are getting married,
Having children,
And buying houses,

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

Like the child
In my heart
Is emaciating,

I'm twenty years old,
And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

I come from the land of grime
Of slaps and snack cakes and stray cats
And many petty crimes

I caught lice eight times before I  started school
My world was loud and I thought those anger fits were the norm
But that's how it is when you're raised by fools

I come from that side of town
With drugs and ****** and broken swing sets
And everything tinged brown

Here is where we wallow in mold and **** -
All the things you'd scrap off the bottom of your shoe
And somehow the streetlights were never lit...

But this was my world
This is my world

I was quite literally dragged through the mud
And every time I staggered back to my feet
I was swept away again by a sudden flood
Or shoved back down beneath the elite

Now when I tell you this is where my soul was forged
With red hot fury of the beaten and the ******
Do not mistake me for a simple woman scorned
For that is only a title for what makes me who I am

When I say my heart was shaped by the hands of vile men
And the hesitant, shaking fingers of those as fragile as me
You need to know that this is the reason for my estrangement
Though am I not defined by those who touched me with greed

Where I come from shaped me
But there is much more lying beneath

I am grime and mold and crime
I am daisies and fire and bumblebees
I am salt and Twizzlers and a loosened vault

And this I can proudly claim:
I am no longer ashamed

I have found myself on the island
of misfit toys, broken dreams, and lost things.
Not so much as found myself,
but more like I jumped overboard
a sinking ship and reluctantly drifted
to the only place I seemed to fit.
Things are pretty grim here.
The wind whistles with despair and
missed opportunities.
The sun shines very rarely and, when it does,
it's too bright for our fragile eyes
because we're just too used to the darkness.
The shores are quiet lovely though.
They're the divider between our world and the real one.
We can sit and warily observe others living
without having to actually partake.
These times are tinged bittersweet however,
because as much as we would like to deny,
we are envious of how those people move about the world
as if it isn't a place to be feared.
It's not all bad here,
no matter how we might complain.
We make the island what it is.
In return, it lets us simply be.

I.
I look both ways when crossing the street
even if the light is green and it's 3 am.
I sleep with a light on and my door locked,
though I know the danger of locking the door
counteracts the safety of the light.
I don't drink, even in trusted company
and I definitely don't let it bother me that I'm missing out.
I've learned from other's mistakes.
II.
I cry when scolded by authority figures,
but not when I've been betrayed.
I never go to sleep on time
especially when I really should.
I say everything on impulse
and shut down when faced with anything I don't like.
I don't learn from my own mistakes.

Is there a word for the feeling of desperate hopelessness that only presents itself in the early hours of warm mornings? Is there a word for when you can actually feel a bond you have with someone begin to fray? Is there a word for the way the sun sometimes shines through a window and you can suddenly see an entire galaxy of dust?

There should be. I think whatever the word is, it must be the same for all three.

Ah, there she is
Do you see her?
Yes, her
Eyes soft,
like morning dew
Inviting smile,
like a summer morning
"Who is she?"
...If only I knew

"Goodbye, I guess..." :
The last words I spoke to you
and I saw that look in your eyes
like you weren't able to understand
what was going on.
Like you were Tod and I was Widow Tweed
in that scene you loved but I hated
because I couldn't handle the pain in those fox eyes.
(Goodbye may seem forever,
Farewell is like the end)
I felt our connection fray
and I was no longer grasping at threads,
trying to keep us together like I said I always would.
I'm sorry I broke my promise
but you broke a hundred of yours first.
I jogged away, hoping the momentum
would keep me together for a little while longer.
Still, my heart resisted, begging to go back
and I compromised, glancing to where you were
only to see empty space on a forever haunted sidewalk.
(But in my heart's a memory
and, there, you'll always be)