“But do you know what happens to girls who love lost boys? They become lost themselves. Without fail.” --- I found this quote in my notes and I am so in love with it more than ever not only because it's true but because it's the greatest thing that can ever happen to you.

If you love a lost boy, you will lose yourself.
You will walk as if your entire body is in flames.
Burning light every hour of every day to help him find his way.
And then as with all fires, you'll slowly start to die.
You'll flicker and flinch and wish the wind would blow hard enough to put you out of your misery; but it never does.

Instead, one day, you'll lick your salty fingers and **** the flame.
Ashes of you will fall to the ground and as you try to swoop them up, more will crumble.
And pretty soon you'll be nothing more than a pile of burnt up soot staining the floor.

But...  you will get back up.
You will find the bits of yourself you thought washed away slowly come back.
As if the sea carried them home to the shore.
As if life swept them up and kept them under a rug to return to you.
You will find your pieces and you will stand.
And when you do, you will burn.
You will burn brighter and stronger and more beautiful than ever before.
You will blind those who live in the dark abyss that turned your softness into embers from which you once came.
And when you take your first step back into the world, your footprints will singe every tired board of wood that tried to melt you down.
That tried to outline your frame as another victim.
That tried to win.

And when you do, not the wind;
or rain;
or thirsty pieces of wood whispered as "lost boys", will ever dim your light again.

I never said you could command my spine;
yet you did
and now I can't remember what it was like to stand on my own.

they would've seen various city lights
danced under the stars
in the middle of the park at
midnight
they would've embraced each other
on a daily basis
palms colliding as their
fingertips intertwined
they would've exchanged secrets
without hesitation
snickering to relieve tension
they would've dreamed together
grasped opportunities
whilst remaining side by side
they would've grown old together
admiring how drastically their
surroundings changed
and how they succeeded in staying themselves
throughout everything
they would've lived
breathed
cherished
laughed
appreciated
loved
if he hadn't changed
if he hadn't noticed that he did

You passed me in a '68 Chevy
Didn't blink twice, didn't even wave
You left my head and heart feeling heavy
*******, I'm a Ford girl anyway.

I am reminded that the women before me also had their bodies turned into sinking ships.
Captained by reckless men
who abandoned deck,
When their words could no longer be used as anchors.

she was made of bible verses and creationist sundays and he was a hurricane that only tore down churches

I have made a mess of my soul.
It is calloused and ugly.
I have collected every heartbreak, every hurt.
I carry around my mother's trust issues, shackled to my ankles,
my father's tendency to fly off the handle
and regret.

The scars left behind by my past lovers are still aching
and I am small. I am an open wound.
My insides are spilling out; oh, what a mess I've made of my soul.
Nothing but an insecure girl, who once knew but now could not see; constantly looking for ways to remind herself of what she is not worth.

I am sorry that I ask why so often when you say that you love me.
It's just that, when you say it, my knees would shake with uncertainty,
my heart would ache with uncertainty
This isn't your fault. It's not that I don't trust you.
It's that I can't trust my heart enough to keep you.

I am sorry that this ruin of a soul is all I have to offer.
I know it is hard to love something so full of chaos,
please, I promise
I am trying my best to clean up the mess.

I am tired of dreaming you next to me.

Are you lonesome
Tonight
Do you miss me
Like a moth
To the light
Your smile
Shows me the way
To you
Though,
It was all child's play
I feel so foolish
I fell for your words
Like an actor
In a theatre
For the absurd
So easily replaced
Somebody new
To take my place
Always knew
The time would come
But
Just wish.....