all my hopes and dreams
from yesterday remind me of
my young innocence

possibilities
staring directly at me
teasing, mocking me

now i chose a path
i long to turn back around
to see the what-ifs

the sky opens up to the endless infinity,
clean, serene and spacious.

     to look up and see openness,
     leaves oneself a sense of relief.
     the worries and fears become air
     and travels up, up, and up to nothingness.
     till vacuum is all that is left.

     a manmade deity that is omniscient and transparent,
     who fulfills to his promise to be always there for you;
     in happiness and sorrow, and in victory and defeat.

     great big matter, so boundless, continual, and colossal,
     with every piece, a unique wonder;
     with every imperfections, a flawless marvel;
     remind you of your components akin to
     the matter that makes the sun.

the sky opens up to the endless infinity,
clean, serene, and spacious.

to nurture and grow,
to thrive and survive,

in this exhausting world
where one is just another cog
in a money making machine.

to seek solstice and refuge,
where i can be still
and be one with the world.

where the air is crisp,
flooding imagery
of lakes, trees and hills.

to start life anew,
leave the worries and past behind
take a step towards the future.

i step out of the warzone.
leaving the worries and anticipation behind,
melancholia washed off by the waves of excitement.
to the forest i go, to the shadows of bulbous trees i hide.
away from reality, away from society,
away from the rockets and away from the bullets.

the lead in my heart dissipates.
in the branches of evergreen spruce –
my horrors and sins, caught, tangled, and trapped in wooden reach.
as i venture into the deepest secrets of these lowly woods,
carrying with me a camera, so heavy and so light –
capturing the whispers and movements of life.

this has been my tradition in years past.
when i am hanging by the thread and hope seems lost,
i go to my haven where life flows freely.
there i find the importance, the mysteries,
the magnitudes of this world – all things i have been ignorant of.
looking above to the heavens,

sheltered by the canopies of multitudes of green.
the damp, filthy earth lingers.
i am wrapped, masked, and bandaged in maternal care.
the mourns of yesterday silenced.
the wounds of yesterday deteriorates,
decays with the fallen foliage,

that gives life to something new –
these years have been a collection of videos, photos, and poems.
a trek to the woods away from the war of the extremes –
full of short-lived happiness followed by long days of sadness,
like a short summer thrill, interrupted quickly by winter’s chill –
so abrupt and so rude.

the song of the birds and the ancient branches stir joy in my heart.
the mosquitos cherishing every bit of fresh blood –
reminding me that i am alive – and very well appreciated –
a living sacrifice to aid in long winter days ahead.
now, that i am reminded of the impending cold – all this colour and life
will soon fade away and under the roof of war i take shelter yet again.

life has been a blur
existential september
chaos, come hither

ready to drown in the blues
that come with fall hues
because sadness is my muse

fearless in my doom
ready to thrive in my gloom
writing in my room

swaying to the thick summer breeze.
the sun, always at its peak
blazing on dry floridian ground.

hand in hand, intertwined by fate,
played by the gods of love.
a spark meant to last before the bells toll.

separated by foreign lands,
unfinished plans,
waiting for the last dance.

sweat trickle on tanned skins,
bodies wrapped within reach,
passion and lust fused.

this is the curse that binds us together.
to my lover from the distant land -
may hecate cross our roads again.

the sea salt grit runs through my gelatin bodice,
     elastic tentacles float around this dominion of mine.
          and you are my treasure –
     treasure hidden in plain sight
and mine to protect.
     i grasped my suckles around you,
          with perfect fit suction
               i held onto you.
                    but it was my own ink
               that blinded me and smudged the truth.
          you are not mine, nor am i yours.
     so with hesitation and grief,
i ride with the monsoon tides.
     to the vastness of the seas
          i offer my only treasure.