I guess, it just felt a little strange. Usually I was always drowning in my thoughts.
To the point where it consumed me. My...my mind...at times,
was my demise,
as much as it also saved me.
But, there were these moments where I lived.
And, it was beautifully tragic because, he knew exactly what it was.
He didn't just hear or see it.
I guess, we as humans,
just feel these moments.
He knew me well,
he understood my laugh.
I learned who I am and why I exist. And I told you to never doubt that I am an extremist.
When I cry, the universe shakes a little. But, when I smile and laugh,
I am selfless.
I just gave and gave my soul to him. He could close his eyes and still dance with every detail.
I was alive.

                      
                          ~ A. Almoudheji

We all have habits
Hang ups we turn to when words fade from use
When the touch of another feels false
And the skin that you're in feels ill-fitting and loose
Of addictions we choose, are you the user or the used?
Light-headed from smoking far too many cigarettes
But it's better than the spins I get when your name is said
Her toxicity is met with one of my own
Eroding with every upturned stone
To find a reason to use the air in my lungs to talk to her
Instead of fill them up with smoke
But I don't.
Returning burning bile from drinking far too many drinks
But it's better than the taste of blood from getting hit in the face
A father who longs for the respect of fear
Maybe he hits you because he hates himself
And he sees in you the colour of his eyes or the curl of his hair
Or maybe he just does it because it's easier to hurt than to love
The same way you drink because it's easier to be drunk than to forgive.
So **** anyone who does anything to keep you from being able to live
But try to forgive
Not for them, but for you, to begin to heal these wounds
Because your peace of mind was not built for two
Live while they rue.

Today
I almost allowed myself to miss you.
And then I remembered who you were.

It's 1 AM and I'm alone again,
Simply existing like matter in space.
Frozen in the cold front that emptiness brings,
Cloaked in the darkness where loneliness breeds.
Through sullen eyes and an unforgiving mind,
I see something shine bright and clear: you.

Not you, the one who left me behind,
Your shine comes with a tint of rust.
You no longer glisten in the sun, but burn.
Your light you shine never showed your true color.
It was because of you that my darkness grew,
And began to engulf the light I'd shine.

Not you, the one who I burned out.
In my darkest hour you shined your light.
But my soul by then was a black hole.
Your light got lost in the dead of night.
And so you fled, before I found the light again.
Left alone to fight demons in the dark.

It is you, the one I've yet to truly see.
Your light shines too bright to see your face.
But I can feel your warmth, even in this cold.
Your light is a beacon of hope that I'll run towards.
At the end of the tunnel could be two things.
I just hope my heart won't burn out my eyes.

Sometimes I feel that depression is a terminal disease
And eventually I will die of a broken heart.
I feel that sunshine will only kiss my body as it lay cold
And that I will only see the beauty in daisies when I am pushing them up

Sometimes I feel that something in me is broken
Some secret unspoken
Something is a little off
Not right
And I've grown exhausted of the fight
To be normal
To blend
When asked as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up
I always said
I want to be okay

Sometimes I want the pain to end
But it's become my only friend
She covers me
Reminding me
That relief is only one swift flick of a blade across my wrists away
Once,  I almost listened to her

Sometimes I know I'm not okay
I stopped hiding the scars because I wanted you to see me
To save me
To hold me close and not let me go
Because if you did I'd slip into the black hole
That I've labeled my soul
And get lost in there

Sometimes I get scared
Sometimes I cry
And sometimes I just exist
And let myself feel
And hope things will get better
Because sometimes
That's all I have to hold on to.