His voice is a smooth velvety depth
Full and rich deepness like rushing blood
It calls to mind summer sweetnesses
Like ice cream, the kind you only find on a boardwalk by the tumbling waves
Like basking in soft sunlight on skin,
Cool water in your best friend’s pool
If only there couldn’t be too much of a thing,
If only depths could be infinite in safety
Because I know I wouldn’t be the first to drown
I wouldn’t be the first to fall for sunshine and get burned,
Not the second to feel home in rich depth and forget who I was before,
Not the third person to say I could tread water up to my neck and find I couldn’t.
1-15-18

I went through a point in time,
A period actually which lasted for about three months where I didn’t function,
And then I went to this animal shelter
I guess I figured I might as well do some good in the world
If the world wasn’t going to do any good for me
And it was magical beyond my wildest dreams
Because that’s where I found all these kittens
Before I knew it Luna and Sola and had stolen my heart
Later I found Starr who was known for being evil in the same way I was
So I adopted the lot of them
And they made me feel like I was living,
Brave.
But I only felt brave when I had them
So that’s why in pretty much every picture of me during that time period
I am toting at least one cat
I didn’t even like cats
Until I came to depend on them
Well... now it’s me, Luna, Sola, and Starr
A family. Alone in the world but still
Family.

Big unwieldy reputation
Everytime I take a step it’s a big conversation
But nobody ever wants to talk about the real me
And once upon a time I had someone by my side
But I learned long ago real friends are hard to come by
Well, if good people are hard to find that must be why trust is even harder
Big unwieldy reputation
And people who want to play like adults but are scared like children
Because they’ve learned nothing in life is ever, not even close
And they know every move you make enlarges your reputation
No, no, no, it doesn’t matter if it’s true
It matters if it’s good; it matters if it’s exciting
Because we are a ruthlessly sick crowd craving a taste of excitement
Which is why we all get left with a big unwieldy reputation.
Big unwieldy reputation.

I am a witch burning at her social stake
Who has spent too long just striving to breathe
And so I’ve managed to teach myself
Some people can’t be trusted
Can’t be trusted at all
I’m done letting myself waste time with all this hurting
So I’m finished with all this blindly optimistic trusting
Instead, I think it’s time to show them what a real witch is.

I am a witch burning at her social stake
Who has spent too long dodging the pitchforks
And so I’ve managed to get good and things
Like running, and hiding,
Reading people and situations
I’m done letting myself hide from the light
So I’m finished with this blindly fearful trust
Instead, I think it’s time I took over my life.

No more fear and no more trust.
If I’m supposed to be a witch,
I will be a witch for them,
And however I want to,
I will show them what burning is.

If you think nothing is impossible you’re wrong
If you think it can’t happen to you you’re wrong
If you think for one second
That a suburb and a happy family
Can keep you protected
You are wrong
Simply:
Life is a game
And you’re out real quick
If you don’t know how to play
Complexly:
You will learn
What the real version of reality
Looks like when you’re wrong.

That December night
Was simply an icicle
With a black and white moon dangling
The whole thing misted over in gray ash
And you were steaming by the river,
Charcoal with biting Pride
But I was a fire
Ready to burn, ready to rise, ready for any action I could sink my teeth into
And, so it was
The laws of nature required we meet
That December night.
1-9-18

Your voice cascades all around me
Like bouncing waves whispering over my skin
Your little nod, the bright eyes within
They make my storm a little calmer
But I don’t know how to tell you that reassurance is beautiful to me
So I promise I won’t show you my heart
When I hear you join the boys who talk about me as if I can’t hear their attacks
1-18-18