wake up in the morning
to light
that isnt as bright as it used to be
as a child age eight
light meant the start of a day
when the sun was only up for a few hours
it seemed
now
the light
is dull and drags me through the day
to the night
where everything slowly
cr    
    as
        he
             s
                          down
to smother
any inner light
i gained as a ten year old

i dont care anymore
i dont care for the light

Being a girl *****! :(
I'm one big ball of emotion
Being tossed back and forth
On the waves of this female ocean

Just when I say I'm doing okay
Another tsunami comes along
Washing away the sanity I saved
Swept out to sea, it's gone

Being a girl *****! :(
All the makeup that we wear
Who are we trying to impress anyways
And do those jerks out there really care

All they do is treat me like a piece of meat
With desert on the side
Would you like some tears with that
It doesn't take much these days to make me cry

Being a girl *****! :(
With some of the things we have to wear
This over the shoulder boulder holder
Wasn't built for comfort that's for sure

And is it already that time of month again
I've about had it with these cramps
If I hear another man explain my mood to me
I swear I'm going to reach up and pull his tongue out through his...

Being a girl *****! :(**
But one thing that I can say
It sure as heck beats being a guy
Where stupidity always gets in the way

I was always told to carry on, don't look behind at your past.
But you also told me to watch my back.
I can't help but be teased by my past, when I'm constantly watching my back.

A few told me to not question, "why?"
and well, again I repeat myself, but, why?
why is what gave me the answer to whom my real father is.
why is the demon that lives within the five Ws.
Who? What? Where? When? Why?
or so it seems that some teachers and ivy league schools would like replace "Why" with "How."

oh, wretched fools.
you can not erase this word from the world that I live in.
not today, not tomorrow, never.
and let us remember, it is the fool that sleeps.
and although I adore my precious slumber,
where I dream like no other,
wake me. shake me. shatter and break me.
free me from my dreamland prison.

watch me strike. hear me scream. you call me crazy?
well it's true, I haven't gotten much sleep these days.
send me to my room, send me to bed,
rest your weary head.
and when so scared, I will run to the safest place,
I know.

I'm sorry,
but am I?

Deep down, you can't tell me you do not
feel it. And I was not kidding when I said
that I am Mother Nature's child,
looking for comfort from the sun.

Uncle Mike always said it, "You're not as stupid as you look."
and to this day, you both ask me why I say this.
you ask me why I am so insecure, was it the divorce?
was it the attempted kid nap? was it the ten different Father figures in my life?

The wolves in Holland, the wolves in hell.
Like a child who played the lion attacking
Daniel in the Den.
It was my sister who was playing Daniel.
The star singer at Readington Reformed Church.

If only every memory didn't trigger
every bit of trauma, that I've been trying to hide.
So I ran from why, I hid from why, I spat in the eyes of why.

However now, I love to meet and greet why with
a firm handshake.
I do this because I love why, and why loves me.
For why and I are similar and we both can play
this game of life together.

And at times when we add fuel to the fire,
we will remember, that fire is warm,
and fire protects.
But we must watch each other,
and remember that fire does burn.

Baby, the fire in my heart,
it burns and yearns for years to come.
and no, I can't say I'm sorry if it ever does burn out.
My secret fire never burns out when I am alone.

"If you don’t have it figured out by the time you’re 21 then you're part of the plan that snuffs itself out.
Hopefully they’ll drown themselves in liquor just like their fathers did, just like your dad is doing", that ******* said to me as he lifted his watered-down poor man's scotch to his cracked reptilian lips.  One more thing I get to internalize. One more swing I have to restrain my ligaments from hurling. Don't let him see you sweat.


“Do you think that to be wise?”, I croaked.

“No, I don’t think it to be anything, and I believe that’s why I love it more than all the wisdom in the world”. What a ******' *******. "Look, I only know I am right because of how often I’ve been wrong" What an infallable argument.

"Look, you can only hope to do things that you don't understand, the only way to do the things you wish to do as you want to do them is to understand.  The only way to understand, is to learn.  Not to be taught, but to be learned.  The only way to learn is by doing.  Going into a new situation blind without any information is not a desired way to start a task.  Researching is the key to removing frustrations that may prevent you from persisting with your original intentions".

If this ******* tells me how to write one more time, I swear, I'll lobotomize the whole operation.

I used to look  for you in everyone
And in every crowd
Relentlessly, quietly...

Now I savengely, frantically run in the opposite direction of anyone with blue eyes or pretty words
Because I don't think I can handle
A ghost of you
Creeping your way back
Underneath my skin