And when it is over
and finally the last of the ashes
float into the sea
the sky clears
blue concave lens
through which I cannot see
here I will breathe
as if underwater
oxygenated flow over gills
I don't need to understand
bathed
of muddy ash
supplied with what I need

I think these things
   as prayers....

  grey flecks
        swirling down
            around me

the hotel was always blue
heavy blue like grandfather's suspenders
blue heads on slivery bodies
taking up new residence

into the tree chipper
blue new blood
plaid blue and red in blue

doctor's blue-
time capsule blue
the coast line blues
heavy waves of mystery sway

I am writing these with the thought of you,
Addressed pages with an unsure pen,
I do not know this feeling well,
An old friend lost for so many years now,
What a cold winter it has been,
Such a cruel rain that has fallen,
My hope is that you’ll hold these close,
Remember the words in your silent hours,
May they be a harbor to your storms,
Or the warmth in december,
Lay your dreams on these sheets,
Rest your bones just a little while longer

I've been smoking cigarettes.
Hoping to fill the void.
Completely numb.
Completely obliterated.
I've been crying.
Tears like stones.
Tears like acid.
I've been breathing slowly.
Inhales like sleep.
Inhales like knives.
I've been existing.
Life like pain.
Life like death.

**** the blood of envy
Boil it in pots
Tell me I am simple
tie me up in knots
Not another body
conquered by your cells
I will be tomorrows  
people never tell
Possible conclusions
you had never drawn
Where are all the colours?
everything is wrong
Bitten by a spider
gnawing at its web
We are not together
I could never tell

I sometimes wonder when my mind will catch up
Whoever thought us up had something in mind
I never can tell if I’m learning or just surviving
I just hope I’m a chord somebody is trying to find

The sign said the line for life starts right here
I looked down and it was where I was standing
But is it Rome or my own home, how to know?
Maybe it has something to do with not pretending

I don’t have a ticket but it’s playing in my head
But they can’t tell you if you’re the salt or the water
The ocean is beautiful but you can’t drink from it
Whoever made us won’t say why it’s mixed together

I decided a t-shirt was enough of a statement today
But I had to be sure that how I lived could be worn
The only thing that made sense was either a word
Or a picture of a man dreaming of being reborn

You had to tell me the limits of my capacity
It was as if you told me tomorrow was my last day
I can’t question myself all the time or else what?
That’s the choice, a question or a time to feel okay

I saw a man shrug who could make people happy
He walked away thinking he missed his chance
Everyone else wished they were him for a moment
But whoever made us won’t let us wear his pants

The things that hold tight the most can’t be seen
The light forms at the line between heaven and earth
We can choose which way to go while darkness decides
The only path to take is the one that challenges your worth

Every promise I ever made  was important in the end
I never told anyone things like I would except if they did
We can believe in nothing and rearrange furniture at will
But breaking a promise became a life from which you hid

acknowledge me. seething with tumultuous needs, the crispness in your cocktail dress sways fingertips, interstices of unscrupulous overuse, the deep accreditations you accreditted to our use. The oral collages of fogs synthesized sacrilege. Organics and the ultramodern. Speak ballet with me, turn your head sideways while I look at you a new amazing way. Write your future in the dna of my hands, I read the secrets off yours.

From your darkest nightmare,
To your sweetest dreams.
I'm always nearby,
To tear you at your seems.

Wether it be a midnight stroll,
Or a walk down memory lane.
The untold thoughts in wich you avoid,
Gives me existence in this plane.

From eight legged fiends,
To slithering serpents.
Or the disturbing being,
Behind the curtains.

Look out!
My inner demon is free!
And he play's skyrim,
So hide your knees.

Don't get on the scale.
Do eat three meals a day.
Don't find yourself running to the bathroom to throw up the only thing you hate more than yourself.
Do get eight hours of sleep each night.
Don't purposely take too many sleeping pills on "accident" in order to fall into your silent slumber.
Do learn to look in the mirror.
Don't forget to remind yourself that the face looking back at you isn't the worst thing in the world.
Do learn to love yourself.
Don't let the world harden you.