I'm having beer for breakfast
& you're nowhere around
freed a completed checklist
of my spine spiraling down
I'm queen
I'll eat you legless
your knuckles form my crown
through your deep breathing down
your knees become my necklace
and I'm pushing through your sounds  
it's the bed that's shaking now
but you feel it in the ground
your sweat has met the sheets
and through your bones
I feel you now
between our breaths
we're chest to chest
I fumble through your brown
with every strand tied in my hand
and both your lips against my mouth

Each is alone in the world
and on some the flowers
are of one *** only
they stand as though they had no secrets
and one by one the flowers emerge from the sheaths
into the air
where the other flowers are
it happens in silence except for the wind
often it happens in the dark
with the earth carrying the sound of water
most of the flowers themselves are small and green by day
and only a few are fragrant
but in time the fruits are beautiful
and later still their children
whether they are seen or not
many of the fruits are no larger than peas
but some are like brains of black marble
and some have more than one seed inside them
some are full of milk of one taste or another
and on a number of them there is a writing
from long before speech
and the children resemble each other
with the same family preference
for shade when young
in which colors deepen
and the same family liking for water
and warmth
and each family deals with the wind in its own way
and with the sun and the water
some of the leaves are crystals others are stars
some are bows some are bridges and some
are hands
in a world without hands
they know of each other first from themselves
some are fond of limestone and a few cling to high cliffs
they learn from the splashing water
and the falling water and the wind
much later the elephant
will learn from them
the muscles will learn from their shadows
ears will begin to hear in them
the sound of water
and heads will float like black nutshells
on an unmeasured ocean neither rising nor falling
to be held up at last and named for the sea

you're ruining me

I can feel my bones shattering slowly under my own weight.
I haven't eaten in four days and I've only drank water when I'm having it forced down my throat by my Mother.
My heart hurts my chest with each throb, and I curl over in pain when I'm in bed.

Stuck in fetal position in the bathtub with the now-cold-water cascading over my body.
Each breath is now a sob and my body shakes from the cold and the uncontrollable tears.

I haven't bothered to brush my hair or wear actual clothes.
I've worn the same outfit for about a week now.
The same old gray sweats with unknown stains on them, matched with a black tank top with a large bleach stain on the back.
My breath probably also reeks because I've been to lazy to brush my teeth.
The only reason I shower is because my Mother drags me to the bathroom.
She doesn't want me to get more sick.

I can tell she's worried for me.
She's told the whole family what's wrong with me.
I've overheard her talking on the phone about me from my room, while she was in the living-room.
I'm surprised she hasn't called the police yet to bring me to a hospital.

I don't need a hospital anyways.
All I need is him
But of course that is no longer an option.
He's abandoned me.
Left me for dead.

He's known the affect he has on me for over a year now.
Of course he still uses it against me.
But it's too late now.
I was just his toy that he could mess around with.
And he's thrown me out into the trash.
Like every other toy that people get tired of.

I need to rid myself of these feelings.
It's dragging me down to hell.
It has affected my whole life.
I've decided to be finished with it.
I no longer want to live like this.
And I won't.

I'll bring death to myself
So I no longer have to live this way.

This body
These limbs
Those second hand organs
Part buckshot
Together forming a symphony
Of bad decisions
Inflating the punching bag lungs
Behind my sewer grate rib cage

Persuading my blood
To stay on track
With the veins i've been given
Finding embrace in fires
I can't put out yet
Boiling reasons to feel again
Falling thrift shop short
Heart lunging out
For new parts

Walk with me through winter darkness.
Snow creaking under soles of shoes,
Stars like dust on window glass.
I gave you my glove

So you wouldn't feel cold on the hand
Holding mine.
You smile from heart to soul,
Walking with me through winter darkness.

Who needs daylight?
Any ghost would recognize love
And leave us to our sweetest selves,
Walking together through winter darkness.

Walk with me.
We have years to match
Our
Paces.

you wished me well with my addiction
refused point blank to write your poetry
where it could be injected medicine
distilled from the pages of history
the agony of the reality made me wander
aimless and homeless broken and desperate
I chewed on the leaves of empty pages
pretending I could hear you singing.