It starts in the pit of your stomach
And slowly makes it's way upward
The muscles of your abdomen tighten
As you feel it's grip grow stronger

You try to fight it, you know it's there
You cannot run, you're awfully scared
Your esophagus closing, the tightness growing
And expanding to every muscle you have

You can hardly breathe, you can barley see
You're only left to ask "why me?"
Your gasps become shorter, your heart racing speeds
That you only see in the movies

And then, as it does, it ends rather quickly
The feeling you're left with is really quite sickly
But no matter the pills or the therapy
Nothing will free you from anxiety.

For the only battle that can't be won
Is one that just can't be undone
For you can't run, and you can't hide
From war unfolding in your mind.

The monotonous sound of the engine running
running but unmoving under the hood
still as the air and silently purring
as if not to wake anyone

None stirred as the beast sat waiting
waiting in the bitter cold of night
cold as the ice and silently churning
as if not to wake anyone

Light emerges from the crack beneath
beneath the door, slowly climbing
climbing like a mountaineer and silently burning
as if not to wake anyone

Silent rendezvous beneath the stars
stars and sleep soon after followed quietly
quietly as you stood and silently left
as if not to wake anyone

The vastness of the ocean is enough to overwhelm
anyone who were to witness it. The pale blue water
stretched far out of view, the clouds dangling pale
above.

Below the surface the blues blended with the greens
and the greens with the yellows and reds
and for a moment there was bliss
where colors met
and nothing mattered

but life continued on

and the colors began to fade
the sky turned to night
and the ocean was black once more

we weren't afraid
for we knew the day would come again
and the colors would dance
if we'd just wait.

when I asked for your forgiveness
i'm sure you doubted what i'd said
it didn't make much sense then

but as time has evolved
and our futures unraveled before us
everything became so much clearer

"incompatible" wasn't unfamiliar
because when I held your hand
no matter how hard I squeezed
I could never feel anything at all

and when we cried,
because we cried,
we swore love off evermore

but I guess you were lying.

Just five years ago, we met in the park.
A cool autumn night, just before dark.
We talked into the night, of the things we had seen,
the sun rose soon after, the sky glowing green.

Just four years ago, we had our first date.
Great first impression, I was half an hour late.
I was so nervous, these memories ephemeral,
Your smile was so wide, your eyes glowed like emeralds.

Just three years ago, we’d been dating a year.
You were my darling, and I was your dear.
I couldn’t get over how lucky I’d been,
but things aren’t always good, under the skin.

Just two years ago, you moved into my place.
Being with you was great, though a bit tight on space.
Six months after that, I dropped to one knee,
the day you agreed that you’d marry me.

Just one year ago the diagnosis came in.
A large tumor, far beneath the skin.
You cried and you screamed and you called it unfair,
I lost no love for you, as you lost your hair.

Slowly but surely you withered away.
We never were sure if you’d make the next day.
There was no way to help you, they did all they could,
everyday, by your bedside, I stood.

Just ten minutes ago, they called me and said.
I needed to see you, your life on a thread.
I sped through the traffic, I ran to your bed,
but when I arrived, you were already dead.

Your hand brushed over mine, I blushed a bit,
Smiling, you curled your fingers between mine,
Dare I say that you were a blessing? Devine,
doesn't even begin to describe it,
if love bugs exist it's clear i've been bit
My soul grows weary as I write this line
I'm not going to pretend that I'm fine
You ripped me apart, turned my life to ****,
I try to pretend but I've been redrawn.
Breaking away from my old habits is
hard when you were my redemption, my dawn,
my morning light, I can try to push on
but I can't hear one more "I'm not even his
anymore, why does he care?" I'm gone.