You look at me
Like I should know,

I look at you
Every way I go.

You know where
To put on a show

And I wonder
Without the ****** hair,
Would I know?

And I go back,
Tell them I'd enjoy
A night in that bed.

Some people find God
Smoking a cigarette,
I found him in the way
I made them laugh
And it comes in the forms of colors
Like blue and green,
Brown and a slight tent of red
But it doesn't matter,
At least not most of them
Because it doesn't matter what I do
I will never know what it feels like
To know if you would have loved
Every color in me

Come on,
Color speck boy
It takes more than that this time

I can see through it
But I still have to look at the ground

Don't worry,
Color speck boy
It's like that with every guy
You are no different

Even the boys that don't
Make me feel intoxicated
Has the same power over me,
Makes me coward away
Like I'm indifferent, lacking,
Never good enough

And I've made plenty of them,
Color speck boy
If each mess was a drug
I would just now be coming down
From all the highs

So I'll stir it up and
Down it later,
Preferably in the dead of night
So no one can hear,
No one can see or know
That I am dying,
Crying for the things I lack,
The things I can never get back,
Every little and big things that
Make me not enough for the guys
That make us connected

Because you know of me,
I know of you
You've heard of me,
I have heard of you
But you will never know me
Like I want him to

We were younger


You was lightning,


Fast and beautiful


And I was thunder,


Bold and truthful

You assume you're better

Are you sure?

I could snap you in half

If you'd like to grow some *****

Or maybe I'll look the other way

Because who even are you?

The equivalent of a gnat to my life

I'm replaceable and so are you

Freckles,


         They just aren't on your face


And they connect more


      Than just random shapes on skin,


They connect people like


           Stars and galaxy's in the


Palms of the beholders.

A downtown
queen,
She finds solace in being
seen.
The loneliest of
birds,
she doesn't like it when
these feelings are
stird.
Would it have helped
if I had more
beauty?
Four foot something,
but I don't like myself
with dark hair.
Would it have helped
to have been a little more,
or a whole lot more,
trusting?
I'm sorry,
I know it's a continues
recycling of things that
didn't, doesn't, and
never will matter.
But memories, ideas
and impossible dreams
like to come back as waves
in the form of
dark blue scatter.

I hope you do.
I hope you live life to the fullest.
Enjoying every moment,
Never wasting time on regret.

I hope you travel the world.
I hope you search every corner
And find everything in you.

I know you won't think about it
And I know I have changed sides
And every aspect of my mind everyday

But finding you gave me that feeling again,
The kind you probably don't remember.

I hope you have endless life
I hope you collect everything with your mind.
I hope you love fiercely
And never have doubt

The ultimate question here.

Do I sleep my life away or

Do I forgive myself for the things I can't change?

Because they aren't losing sleep over my pain

And you can never take back the things you did but it doesn't mean it's who you are anymore.

If people feel like
They know what you
Deserve
I'd surely hate that for them
Look at me,
Feel me,
Breathe me,
You will never be me
Keep it to yourself,
You'll get yours too
For thinking you can
Dish out what someone
Deserves

I haven't cried
In front of my father
For at least five years

And I haven't felt
This lost in
Quite literally ever

I'm crumbling,
F
  a
    l
      l
        i
          n
            ­g

      A


                          p
  
    a

              ­     r

    

                                        t

And


I

have never needed
something as bad as
I do


                                                      you


­But you're

                           g o n e

The past doesn't follow you
wherever you go.
I'm not saying it'll ever leave you.
But one of these days,
while you're busy writing stories,
I'll be off making memories.
And you can drown in the
ones you grew to hate.

Have you seen what I'm working with now?
I'm running it into the ground,
Bringing it to my level.
You were down here once, too.
I'm ultimately sure of it.
Are you doing your smirk at my sad existence?
Or just watching it pass by?
Maybe that salt life is still calling your name.
It's funny either way,
You have a way of popping up.
I wanted to ask you why you used to look at me like that.
Used to, that's the big part.
Now you can't even look at me,
Red means go to me,
Just in my head for a minute.
The sweet relief of metal in my side and broken glass in my skull.
Just a minute of daydreaming of everything ending.
Maybe if it was on the couch and the scratching of nails
From my dog being locked in its crate,
Heavy breathing was heard.
I would have asked you and now, years later,
A different house and a different couch,
That grasshopper noise would stick with me
Why am I writing about this?
Why do I even think about it?
This year has been a record breaking year.
I'm no longer negative about anything,
Just my self and my sad existence.
I guess that's what happens when you've finally
Been hit with a train wreck and you're frozen,
Grounded to the spot with the hard hitting reality
That everything is my fault.

your body                        
is art
your words
are satire
your hearts
a galaxy
your soul
could be my
remedy
your eyes
are maps
your arms
could be my
favorite place
to take naps



                        do you know
                             you're in
                               my head?

Throw your head back fast,
Don't over think it,
Lids closed don't last
Eyes down to fit

Wooden table with years of weather
It's probably long gone,
Replaced with something better

You find comfort in knowing
That new trees are growing
To build new tables

And you'd sit at the table,
Place it in the same spot
And wait for a dying fable

You would sit there forever
For him to find a little down time
Because he knows how to be clever
Turn the ending sublime
And make you feel better
When you knew it was the end of the line

I don't know.
Maybe I should

just tell him.

I don't know.
Maybe I should

just end it all.

Right now.

I mean,

that's what lardas-ses do,

right?

The one with trust issues,

not to mention the only

thing im good at is

making boys moan with this mouth.

I don't know.
Do you?

I wonder if you could read

The things I write now,

Would they somehow make you proud?

Or would you just remember

The words of a fifteen year old girl

That didn't even write them,

Just formed to fit her current mood

And have they?

Are your dreams beautiful?

More than you could have ever hoped for?

I hope they are.

The lacrimal caruncle
swells with blistering feeling,
flooding out the medial canthus.
It streams down the nasion,
dancing over the pinken,
inflamed to a roaring raw cheek.
Landing on dirtied and tore cloth,
used with the moisture to wipe
all the dust away from every memory,
even when it's possibly too late.

Now there is hardly anything
to be discovered in all of this.
You have done a decent job,
your hands are tired from it all.
Weak and brittle,
you still know now.
You know it could go every single way wrong,
it could be a waste of time,
it could hurt you beyond any kind of repair.

But you know.
You know it's him.
You know it will always be him.
It will always be him
that you wish to lay beside,
it will always be him
that you want to feel,
it will always be him
that you feel everywhere you go.
It will always be him.

I'm messing up
And I'm messing up bad
And my dad says to not worry
But we're losing the house probably
And I haven't done anything with my life
And now every time I mess up
I'm back to being fourteen
I feel you now
It was fast
Everything is so fast now
And I breathe in and you're in the air
I scrub my skin but you're in my veins
I cry and your the salt I taste
And I want to throw my head back
But you're the water above my head
And I have never wanted a promise kept so much
But I've messed up
And now I just want to be more numb
Than any pill I've ever taken

Even the strongest forms of religion
Gives up on lost souls

Curly hair set free long ago,
I wish them well

Lip rings and tattooed hands,
They aren't here to mend any fences

I'm a broke soul
Looking for a way home
I never worked good on my own

And I need something that doesn't care,
Something that passes me by but I feel it's there

I had a dream not so long ago,
New place and eating my ****** lunch
He comes up and asks if Im okay
I look like death past the decayed

Lost weight and eyes sunk in,
But from even the view point of him
I knew it was pure and good

That's all I have left for holding on
I would give up but I just can't
Find the way to let go

To stop everything

the green is round and
it beacons me to hit send.
just to say hi,
maybe 'how was your day?'
i want to ask you everything from;
what food you love?
do you like cats or dogs better?
what is your favorite color?
what is your favorite weather?
do you type your words out
or save time with u instead of you?
what scares you
and what dreams do you want to come true?
I know it doesn't matter,
but how do you like to be flattered?
but i dont even hit the bubble
because everything surrounding you is trouble.