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mk Jun 2018
i spray your perfume on my wrist
rub them together, hoping for the best
i see my veins swell as it crawls up my arm
tattooing your name through my bloodstream
my body is having an allergic reaction
to the smell of you, and i'm holding on
remember the smell of your skin that day
mid-afternoon, hidden away
i remember the first time i touched your chest
after that, i forget the rest
these memories are crawling on me like scars
and i rush to put my wrist under water
but its too late
or maybe its fate
i'm tattooed with the thought of you
my blood runs all shades of grey
my heart slows down, ready to take me away
in a trance, back in your arms
and the feeling of your lips on mine
back to those days when everything was alright
and home wasn't confined to a spray of a perfume
or the scent of the past
these days it seems home grows further
every time i get closer
احبك ,حبيبي
mk Jun 2018
i ran and i ran and i ran
three countries away
three continents over
i ran so that i didn't have to wake up
and take a shower in the same shower
get dressed in the same clothes
smell that same **** perfume
all laced with memories of you
i ran so far that i managed to forget who i was
managed to forget that it wasn't just my addiction to pain that kept us together
it was all those memories and laughs
and suddenly the taste of your lips
doesn't seem too distant when i still see your deodorant on my shelf
when i see our ticket stubs on my wall
when i have the wrapper from the chewing gum i chewed before kissing you stuck to my cork board like a ticking time bomb
i ran so far that i forgot what it felt like to love you and suddenly i'm back in my own skin begging you to love me again
but you're full of anger
and you're full of hate
i'm full of fear
and i'm scared of fate
my purse is still the same one you held for me
my neck is still the same one you kissed
my wrist smells of the perfume i put on before our first date
there are seventeen boxes of hershey's drops on my bookshelf
each one shared or gifted by you
the flowers from my garden
you picked
are crumbled
but fresh, scattered on my bed
i ran three countries away
i ran three continents over
to escape from a love
that i don't even want to get over
maybe it's best to never return home at all
mk Jun 2018
-
the first holiday is the hardest
the first morning is the hardest
the first meal is the hardest
the first bath is the hardest
the first illness is the hardest
the first joy is the hardest
the first ocean trip is the hardest
the first broken wrist is the hardest
the first loss is the hardest
the first hurt is the hardest
the first love is the hardest
the first hate is the hardest

the second is too
(without you).
they say the first everything is the hardest after a relationship, but seconds **** too lol
mk Jun 2018
somewhere between i miss you and i'll leave you
somewhere between you love me and you hate me
somewhere between the oceans and the air
somewhere between ****** and self-sacrifice
we're somewhere between the years and the memories
somewhere between let's start over and let's begin
somewhere between let it end and let it end
somewhere between i love you and you're still mine
somewhere between i'm killing it and i'm not fine
somewhere between come home and take me home
we're somewhere between the ages and the past
somewhere between the first and the last
they say the first year is always the hardest
but i'm still somewhere between ecstasy and death
do you want to start over? or just let it end?
mk Jun 2018
i thought i was starving for home
the smell of the soul and the taste of the air
i thought my hunger was for all that sunshine
the familiar roads, the wind in my hair
but i sit on this ground that i have lived on before
waiting on home to accept me once again
loneliness and betrayal, this land is empty
hollowness and silence, there is no love here
i sit here in my nothingness and count the black sky
this isn't home
this can't be home

(i miss you).
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