I know that I should try to find somebody new..
But all I find is myself always thinking of you..
You don't even know it.. And why should you care?
You're happy just pretending that I'm not even there..
Forever means nothing if I don't spend it with you..
But theres just nothing more I think I can do..
I try to tell you I love you but you just don't stop to listen..
Then I guess you'll never know that I'm the one your missin..
Give me just one minute and look into my eyes..
Forget your friends.. Forget the world.. Forget the pain and lies..
Forget about what people say and what other people might see..
All I want you to think about now is what you think of me..
Cause nothing really matters except for the people you love..
And it kills me inside not knowing what you think when your all I'm thinking of..
Maybe I am wrong and you really just don't care..
But why sometimes do you act so sweet if no feelings are actually there..
All I want is for you to tell me exactly how u feel..
Id rather be hurt than keep believing what you say is real..
Whether you tell me you love me or not this will still be true..
Nothing in this whole **** world could keep me from loving you..

Yeah, we have a great relationship. But imagine how much better this would be if I actually loved you back?
But oops, that's right. I forgot to tell you that I'm kind of incapable of loving another human being.

But it's okay, it's not like love is real anyways.

And even though a good percentage of the general population have the same opinion as me, I'm labeled by those around me as a cynical, lonely, pessimistic girl, simply because others can't seem to comprehend that everything I say is derived from my own personal perspective and observations that I've made.
What was it that the naively optimistic, overly positive young man from the book store called me?
Oh yes, an "unjustifiably, unnecessarily negative teen who is disappointed with her life because she has yet to 'experience love.'"
Despite his ignorance and obscenely immature mindset, which evidently accounted for his matching personality, I don't think he realized that my lack of belief in the existence of "true love" was the exactly the reason that I was in the book store.
Because, as I came to realize, it appears that the only form of "love" that I seem to recognize as being adequate enough to somewhat believe in are those spoken of and created in novels.
It's formulated by the birth of a ridiculously intense, love fueled storyline, supported by a mindful choice of cohesive, dramatic, and emotional words.
Hence, fictional love is born, except to most it doesn't seem fictional because it's so breathtaking to read about.
They believe in it, they worship it.
As if it actually exists in an alternate universe.
The unrealistic perfection of it gives them a disgusting, false hope which just drives them to cling to it more.
It's a drug to them, they can't live without the hope that such a "love" exists somewhere in the world; they need it.
And the sad part is, they're completely oblivious to the fact that they have just become addicts, that they just sold their soul and relinquished part of their freedom to a fictitious concept.

It's so fake, it's almost real.

In the midst of nothingness
Searching through darkness
Embracing loneliness
Comprehending vagueness
Befriending uncertainties
Playing with vulnerabilities
Absorbing obscurities
Appreciating difficulties
Drudging malfunctions
Living with illusions
Addicted to intrusions
Slave of temptations

Colors of dark grey and black fill the world in which I live
No other feeling could possibly be worse than this
Where once was a room filled with laughter & Cheer
Now stands loneliness, emptiness and despair.
Memories of you seem to creep around the corners of my mind
Endless haunting images of your face that won't decline
An overwhelming of emotion that my body can't contain
Fills my soul with unbearable grief, sorrow, and pain
Oh, How I long to hold you in my arms just once more
And tell you that things will be again, as they were before
But, as reality sinks in, I know that will never be
For the choices that I've made in my life have sealed our destiny
No one could ever fathom how wretchedly my heart aches
And how I greatly regret that you've had to pay for my mistakes
If I could go back in time, and change only one wrong that I've done
I'd go back to the Hour, to the second, on the day I lost you.

It's impulse to want to touch your face when I see you
Hoping that your arms wrap around me as tightly as I long to hold you
It's impulse for me to smile whenever I see yours
Hoping that you will one day recite those words that I have been longing to tell you

My feelings are intertwining with instinct
Something that is hard for me to distinct
Are emotions taking me over, not letting go?
Or is destiny maneuvering my reactions that are meant to be so

I can't help the way your words become my obsession
It seems that the sense of reality is no longer in my possession
I can't help but tremble every time our eyes meet
It seems like in this battle you have won and caused my defeat

It's impulse to want to hold your hand forever and a day
Hoping that you'll realize what I've known, we are to be together someday
It's impulse for me to want to love, for I can't imagine me without it
Hoping that everything I feel has a purpose and a meaning leading to you

I'm fighting myself for the words I want to speak
I'm holding myself up for in your sight I become weak
I'm hesitating to ask if what you feel for me is the same
I'm wondering if the answer will make me lose control like the sound of your name

Impulse has left me soaring so deeply into your eyes
Gazing hopelessly in the endless darkness that is the sky
I need to know if what I feel is a decision of the heart
Need to make sure that my mind is telling me the same

Getting left behind
Not being loved
No one understanding
No one caring are my fears
I had a dream I was lost
No one tried to find me
No one cared
No one listened, understood
Feeling left out
Feeling like no one understands
Feeling like No one can hear me when I’m screaming to be heard
Destructive behavior I have
Wishing I could change
Wishing I could make it better
Wishing for another chance
Wishing for someone who will come and save me from myself.
my fears
not being heard
being left behind
not being understood
no one caring.
how can I disappear? Make people understand.
Disappear from
this world
Show people what it's like to worry, misunderstand, not care.
my fears,
people laugh
people tease
people misjudge
people misunderstand me.
Behind my back, they laugh, tease, hurt, so I can't see them. It hurts.
Now, I hide this pain in my heart making sure no one sees my hurt.
Pretending to be someone I'm not.
Trying so hard to fit in, to cover the scars, trying
so hard, to be liked by you.
My feelings disappearing
No regrets
Hoping no one resents me.
After my dream ended, I wondered...
What am I leaving..
When I leave here?
The pain I've caused. The hurt,the disappointments, the worries
Hoping, now people understand, people miss, people hear me, and others
Forgetting all: all the pain, and hurt
I learned to hide inside, buried deep in my heart. No way out
My fears...are these..

My eyes close
I'm holding onto my memories and hatred.
my slumber
all alone in my head...
so silent.
I can't explain the way my tears run blood along my veins
if I let go of my pain
I'll cease to be, give into the plague...
war is coming,
I can hear it in my heart
blood will flow along the grounds of the innocent,
I can't deceive the darkness anymore...
I'm letting go, I'm losing control of myself...
you beat me down, so low and now I'm crying my soul
I'm losing control.
you led me to a place where I can't feel my face...
death is just an anesthetic for what's to come
a body left behind with no face
feeling numb, all alone I cry here
fading into nothing
all alone I lie here
dying...
...losing myself...

Time stops
And stands still
Each day
Seems like a year
I'm lost
And can't be found
In this darkness
I lay dying
Cold
Empty
And alone
It holds me down
And won't let go
There is no escaping
it consumes me
until there's nothing left
I may look fine
But on the inside I'm full of death

No stupid love song can describe how I feel
Sometimes the words other people say
Are never good enough or real
No one will ever know how I'm feeling today

I put my hopes up way too high
I thought you'd feel the same way
Now all I need to not do is cry
Because tears won't take the pain away

For a moment I thought you knew
For a moment I thought you cared
For a moment I thought you meant "I love you"
For a moment I thought you appreciated the love we shared

What do you know anyway?
You're just a guy
Have your fun today
And tomorrow make me cry

I'll fake my smile
I'll say I'm okay
I'll be happy for a while
And be dead inside

I kept on calling you sweet
Little did I know
Your love is the one thing I can't beat
I just can't seem to let you go

You make me feel like such a fool
I don't want to love you
Why did love have to be so cruel?
Why is there nothing that I can do?

Love can sometimes be great
That's something I cannot deny
But when it turns into hate
He won't be just "another guy"

He'll be the guy that broke you into pieces
He'll be the guy that made you a mess
He'll be the love that slowly ceases
After you finally confess

Listening to that song
Makes me feel like the stupidest girl alive
It made me realize that what I felt was wrong
Because I won't get you no matter how much I strive.

"I'm not scared of anything"
I wish my lie was true.
I don't want help,
"I don't need anything from you!"
I hate when I cry.
I hate when I'm scared.
My life is going by
I can't feel anything, anywhere.
I'm sad and depressed
I'm weak an abused.
I'm told I'm bad.
I just don't know what to do.
"I don't want your help"
But I don't want to cry.
"Leave me here"
"Just say good-bye!"
"So your gone....?"
"Good riddance" I say!
I guess I'm going to cry for
Just one more day!

I miss you so much
But I can still feel your touch
I prayed to you last night
As I hold on tight
I look up and I cry
A tear drops upon the floor
I look for more and more
Another star means another death
I miss you so much
I love your touch
It’s not the same without you
That’s so true
You should still be here
Holding on to me
I miss you so much you mean a lot to me...

Let me be the reason you get through the day
I know this that I'll make everything alright
Think of me baby in any way I'll be all you need
Let me be the one you turn to when there's pain
Baby I will take all your pain away

But please let me know whats making you sad
I know I don't hold a magic wand,
And thus all your sorrows just can't end
But I can promise U that-
I’ll will try my best to bring back smile on your face
What's the problem baby Just let your heart say..
Baby I will take all your pain away

I know you don’t want to share your pain
As you think i may get disturbed
but please understand seeing you like this
is like someone is drilling hole in my heart
I know all my suggestions are idiotic and kiddish
but my prayers are stronger then all your worries
god will bring back smile on your face for sure...
And that's everything for me i don't want anything more..

a smile on your face with that cute one sided dimple
bring joy in my life and makes its more simple...
You are not alone as i am there with you night and day
Baby keep smiling I will take all your pain away

You had fallen from heaven straight into my arms,
Igniting my heart with your sweet seductive charms.
Showed me light in life that I'd never seen before,
Something that my heart and soul had been longing for.
Spread your caring angel wings right over my head,
Protecting me and saying what had not been said.

Those three simple words that I was needing to hear,
Were right in-front of my blind eyes but was unclear.
Clouds were smothering me and all that was around,
Until an angel flew down and then you were found.
The smoke disappeared leaving a vision of you,
A strong feeling of love that seemed long overdue.

The way that you would shelter my soul from the rain,
As you would clear away the storm ridding my pain.
You'd feel and heal the beating of my broken heart,
Painting a smile on my face like a piece of art.
Released all the emotions that were trapped inside,
Warm fuzzy feelings that I'd always try to hide.

Romantic enchanted fairy-tales pranced in my mind,
In books of make believe; my prince I needed to find.
Sweet tunes would play as I would look into your eyes,
And I could see the man who was hidden in disguise.
The Savior who had fallen from heaven above,
Is now the angel who helped me believe in love.

You

You who excite me
You who turned my world
You, the one - though sadly not the only

You who disturb my thoughts
You who confuse me
You who appeared at the wrong time, yet the only time

You who care - sometimes
you whom I crave
-constantly, achingly
You who are wrong for me yet so right
You who I dare not love
But do so dearly

Just you

You who I talk to for hours
Yet to whom I say so little
You, whose caress ignites me
You who makes me laugh
You who make me cry

You arrived
You conquered

Frail ego, fragile mind that is me
Should dare to hope that I affect you

Only you

You, now, not before, or after
Lord just you

Thinking about you,
Makes my day,
Every moment,
In every way,
Your smile melts my heart,
Like no other,
Especially,
When we stare at each other,
Your face gives me butterflies,
Whenever I look at you,
It makes me want to blurt out,
I Love You,
But what turns me on,
Is not just you face and your smile,
It's your personality,
And the times when we talk awhile,
Being with you makes me happy,
All the time,
That I wished you were forever mine,
But you have someone else
Which hurts my heart,
Every time I think about it,
It tears me apart,
I understand,
If you love another and not me,
Because the truth is,
I just want you to be happy,
But what pains me the most,
Is when we talk to each other,
And all you can talk about,
Is her,
If she makes you smile,
If she makes you glad,
I don't want to get in the way,
Because I'm not like that,
But to tell you the truth,
When she goes,
I just want to tell you,
I love you more then you'll
Ever know

I watch as the blood trickles down my arm
I close my eyes and hope for you to come.
I never knew what it was like to be alone
All I want for you to do is come back home.
I feel the pain, the burning and the pleasure
I feel so confused and so full of pressure
I sit in this dark room with no one around
All I want from you is love and care
I notice that I won't get my wish
But now I wait for the sun to rise.
To fill this room with light.
As I watch I see how many scars I have
Bleeding for desire and pain
I look in the mirror of my room and look
I watch as these tears flow endlessly, and what I realize what I was waiting for was for me to return to normal.

In times of trouble and insanity, I carry masks to disguise the pain I carry
secure behind my eyes
I can never let out again the misery I hide
to hell with my dignity
to hell with my pride
from this day forward, and for ever more, I will mount this mask that will be my lore
No reaching out when I am weak
no solace will I seek
when you look for answers
when you say your prayers
all you will see is masks
and no pain that I bare

Rain
it's like it never goes away
it explains all of my fear and pain .
Do you think it will ever go away ?
If it does
I wonder what will happen
maybe a rainbow will appear
and all of my pain will disappear .
Or maybe the love of my life will come knocking at my door.
But until, that beautiful rainbow of my love appears,
My life is shadowed by the pain and a windowsill covered by the rain

Walking; Talking; Chatting; Clicking;
Crashing against the gray stone rocks -
So fierce intense each step by step.
The ocean in the flicker of an eye.
Leading from high down to the beach,
So narrow steep naive and dark,
And yet so pure like the fine sands,
Which our feet, together, had still to touch.
Hold closer, closer, capture it all -
Seashell treasures keep memories;
Waves of the night lost in the sea.
Deep true endless romances of the waters,
Are cherished lovingly on shore.
Graceful perfection, sea breeze air
Silent kisses, stars keep smiles.
Beneath the play shelter,
Hidden from all, nerves swim, adrenalin
But wait... the innocence of the moment
gone. Back to your corner we go,
So gentle intense like the deep mystery.
Hold close, closer, remember all,
Keep your mind clear and heart open
'cause each drop that fills that ocean is a tear I've cried
reaching out for you...

The darkness surrounds me
It's getting so cold
I'm all alone
With no one to hold
My world is so empty
All what's left is pain
No sunshine to light my way
Just never ending rain
I drown in tears
My heart is crying
No one seems to notice
My soul is dying

We live and breathe words. .... It was books that made me feel that perhaps I was not completely alone. They could be honest with me, and I with them. Reading your words, what you wrote, how you were lonely sometimes and afraid, but always brave; the way you saw the world, its colors and textures and sounds, I felt--I felt the way you thought, hoped, felt, dreamt. I felt I was dreaming and thinking and feeling with you. I dreamed what you dreamed, wanted what you wanted--and then I realized that truly I just wanted you.

You pass me on the street and our eyes briefly meet.
You hold the door open for me as I enter behind you.
I say thanks, but you have no idea that my mind is blank.
In the elevator you crack a joke, I flash a smile,
you have no idea that my heart is in denial.
You ask me how my day was and I say fine.
You have no idea that my brain and I are arguing as to whether or not I should cross the line.
My happiness is gone as I walk in this world.
The thoughts in my head have me wishing I was laying in a cold dark hole.
Once you lose your soul there is no turning back.
Everything you once dreamt of no longer has an impact.
You don't want to love nor do you want to have fun.
Your days are so long the problems in your mind make you question if you should carry on.
You smile so that's what people see on your face,
they think that you are happy but deep down inside you feel like a worthless disgrace.
Each day the performance you put on for people is Emmy Award winning,
But you question yourself and wonder if your way of acting is just a way for you to hold off your own internal sinnings.
When you wake up from a night's sleep you wonder to yourself if today is the day your heart will be back to its old self or will it still be skipping every other beat.
You wonder if things that once made you happy to be alive will make a comeback.
You wonder if the little things in life that made you who you are will have you once again dreaming to the stars.
You wonder if you will feel less empty hearted.
You wonder to yourself who holds the match to start that fire.
You're tired of running and losing your breath.
You want to hold tight to something that will help you once again enjoy the journey into lives amazing treks.
You want to feel that every day can be better than the last.
You want to turn your lost soul feeling into a thing of your past...

I had a dream
I was poisoned with distress, hidden deep in the weeping willow, where all things are dark and gloomy.
It's a place where all time stops: nothing moves, no noise, just sadness
there's so much grief; you can't imagine the pain in your heart.
When you're there, it seems like you
go in a trance from all the sadness surrounding your life and others.
Was this just a dream or Reality?
Pain is something you can NEVER escape.

If only I knew your deepest fears,
your goals, your dreams, your closest peers,
I'd love you for the rest of my years,
If only I knew.

If only I knew what made you sad,
the good, the great, the worst, the bad,
I'd love you as the best I've had,
If only I knew.

If only I knew how to make you stay,
my troubling heart will no more astray,
I'd love you until my very last day,
If only I knew.

One does not own beauty,
One creates it.
In their dreams
They feel they can obtain it.
All alone, in a dark nights rest.
All their thoughts.....
Lifeless.
Cursed by change
Hidden by lies,
Running from the truth
Beauty now dies.
They don't understand
They don't really care.
Beauty now burns
Smoke in the air.
Years go by
And age seeps in.
Beauty's worn out
Life is giving in.
Death creeps up,
Beauty now cries.
You're all alone
In your beautiful lies

I honestly can't even write decent poems. I do not deserve the privelige of being regarded as a poet, I am a disgrace to all of us. I apologize

Let me say the words today
to have him here by my side.
Let him be the one for me to
have and hold for all time.

Now he's here for me to share my love,
to hold and show me I'm the one.
He makes me smile, he makes me laugh,
my life with him is something I feel I've won.

I feel I'm mean but my heart I blame,
for it's been soiled with so much pain.
But now I'm ready to let this someone in,
the one who brightens my day,
The one I speak of is him!

He turns his shoulder, I think its too late,
No! Please don't speak those words of my fate!
Tears fall but words I have none.
What's said is said, what's done is done.

He says his goodbyes and then he parts...
But with him, if he only knew, goes the last piece of my heart.



Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/last-piece-of-my-heart#ixzz3bx5MOKBf
Family Friend Poems

I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to tell you mostly
I hate that I'm so afraid of everything
I hate that you’re the one thing I want the most but can't have
I hate that you let me go before I got even got to say goodbye
I wish that you would come back to me
I wish I were strong enough to say no to you
I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left
I need to move on says my head
I need to hold on says my heart
I need to decide says my mind
I envy the way this hasn’t hurt you at all
I envy her
I envy the fact you don’t understand what this feels like at all
I want to hurt you
I want to be with you
I want this nightmare to be over
I wish I could make things they were before you
I wish I could change time
I wish I could change you
I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me
I wish I would have given you the letter when I wanted I need you out of my thoughts
I need you out of my heart
I need to start doing things for me
I hate that you used me
I hate that I gave you something I can never have back
I hate that I wasted it with you
I'm tired of hoping aimlessly for you
I'm tired of wanting something I can't have
I'm tired of hurting myself for things that aren’t my fault
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough
I'm sorry I defended you when everyone else was right
I'm sorry I couldn’t make you happy
Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me, for breaking me, for not loving me.

At first, I hated the feeling of emptiness. I hated not feeling anything yet feeling every possible emotion at the same time. I felt caught and I didn't like it at all. It was so unfamiliar, I just didn't know what to do with it. But as time went on, I began to realize that, despite the unfamiliarness of it, it somehow felt more comfortable to be in that emotional state than other past one I had been in. It felt like home. Although the feeling of emptiness did comfort my aching soul in some twisted, masochistic way, it did not mask the pain or stop the suffering. It simply made me hurt in a different way. A way far less painful, yet far more detrimental. A way which became addicting. And little did I know, that over time, the pain would soon fade away and become nothing more than a mere scratch below the surface as the emptiness would soon be accompanied by an everlasting numbness. These two together, unknowingly at first, made a fatal duo.

Tell me to leave.
Make me leave you.
I’m too selfish to relinquish solace and go myself,
and too weak to watch you walk away from me.
Our light has turned into a shadow,
grown dark and heavy
It has cast itself over our heads,
slowly resting more and more of its weight
on our shoulders
Too many nights
the moon and stars have become witnesses to
the dimming of your brilliant glow, and the flickering
of my dying spark
Night after night,
helplessly watching us make our
desperate attempts
to rid ourselves of the burdens we’ve been
carrying on our backs.
I know you don’t want to
but, baby, our light is
fading fast
And it needs to breathe,
but we’re both too busy
holding our breath to even think about
coming up for air
So, baby, unless we do something
quick,
we’re gonna burn out.
So tell me to leave.
Because I won’t do it
unless you ask me to
And I could never tell
you to go
But if we stay any longer,
our troubles will become
a load far
too heavy for our cold bones to bear
we’ll shrivel in the frigid
air
Tell me to leave.
We’re all out of
quick fixes,
and neither of us have the right
tools needed for
a full repair.
Don’t, and we’ll start to ignore
our problems
like they are broken pieces
of furniture
Until we are lying
to ourselves, pretending that
we still work
and hoping our guests
don’t notice.
Our fire which once
burned
so bright and fervently
will have become as useless
as a gasless heater
I know you don’t want to
but, baby, you’re stronger than me
The fire is out
It’s dark
and we don’t have
any flashlights, because we never
needed them to help us see
Until now
So tell me to leave you.
Please, tell me.
Because we love each other
too much
for our own good
Make me leave you.
Our light has burned out,
and we’re choking on the smoke