When I met you it was different
The next day you had me in the kitchen
You kissed me and you loved me
The next day you didn't want me
The next week I found you on the floor where we cooked and played Love Galore by SZA but the picture is bigger I never knew what you were into until I saw you on the floor

What happened to all of the hard work that needs to be done in order to achieve success?
Now days all people have to do is get undressed
In front of the flickering light
There is no longer a fight
It's an "oh-well, if I can not live with you, I'll just put my toe pics up for sell." But where do those buyers get their money??
They all have "secure" families so in the end it isn't so funny
Someone's dad, someone's husband is giving one hundred dollar bills by the dozen
Does this not frighten any of you?
The women who want to live off of a man?
At least the toe pic girl is hustling
When are you going to give a ****??

Nothing is the same with you gone
Everything seems to always go wrong
I think you make me whole
I think you make me feel like myself
More than I can alone
Being with you is necessary if I want to survive
Being with you is  necessary if I want a better life

Struggling with the source
Struggling where the next turn will be
Only to realize that I control that decision

I want to keep writing because I do not want to lose this
Every now and then I feel it slipping
I can't control the way things go
I can control my decisions
I can control what mood I am in
Forever I will be at peace
No longer aggrumentative

I sadly found myself starting to doubt God again
And just as I said I had enough, His angels swarmed in
With the warmest hugs and the sweetest kisses
God showed me the light with song and dance
With long lost friends
How He shows up is never known until it's done
God is amazing and is asking you to HOLD on
Never lose sight or hope
He is with you and He needs you to know
All the trees and the birds have a reason
Yes they all change with the season
And so will you
So there is no need to be so blue
You are so precious because you were made in His sight
And you'll never come across someone He is not willing to fight for
He is our God, He is our saviour

It would be nice but that's not our love
It'd be nice if he didn't push and shove
It would be cool if I could get that degree
It'd be strange to have more company
It'd be great if I could feel more free
It would be great if I didn't feel a thing

I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while
I’m an adult now
I had an imaginary friend at one point
I didn’t even know she wasn’t real
Looking back I remember her being barefoot all of the time
She had a few strands of color in her hair
When we went swimming in the deep end we’d get yelled at because we didn’t have a partner
She never existed
And I didn’t have any friends at camp redwood glen

The leaves are slowly falling one by one
The cars are getting slower and breaking down
The children are actually behaving
The churches are no longer discriminating
The Netflix and the hulu are actually keeping people out of the streets
So if you are in the position to give your password
Do it
Please
The food is getting healthier
The "pre-teens" are getting meaner
The windshields are cracking way more than they should
The mothers and the fathers are leaving ya'll in the hood
The elders are nosy the youngin's want games
The babies are hungry
The women want fame
The men do not make
good money anymore
And with all of this said
Coming home became a chore

Maybe men aren't for me
Looking back they have always gotten in the way of me being my raw true self
They have gotten in the way of making my dreams come true
They got in the way of my hard work
Of my education
Of my family
My friends
Me
And I let them

This is definitely what I wanted
What I needed really
I think that is why I have no tears left to cry
I understand your pain
I really need all of my love for me because who the helllll is going to feed me when I am hungry
Who??

It doesn't make sense to eat whack ***, white cake and celebrations and birthday parties
Don't date within the group, it almost always never works out and the all of the friendships end
Why do you go for the girl when you only want to keep her at home?
It makes 0 sense

The first lines are so unexciting
Your words are not at all inviting
The way your imagination is set up
Pushes me away
On you, I will give up. I can't give me up
I am here to stay
Your lost words
Your hurt
Can keep their sour energy and turn grey
ok?

I have never felt like a failure until now
I am a whole mother. Not a child.
It hurts and I am trying my hardest to stop this pain. But everything needs me and I need to stop this pain.
I will forever be confused at the choices that I make.
It is not my fault. In fact a fault is not what to call it.
This is a cycle
There is no support
Who traded our family for money?
The american dream was more important and now I go to bed with no support

I do forgive you and myself as well
I also feel dumb
Not as much as I feel numb though
Everything seems to be going in reverse
One day I may go crazy
After seeing what happens with people in the same situation I no longer want to leave any spaces in my mind vacant
I can attract the wrong tenants
I could attract a bad ending
No vacancy

Getting the urge to write again
Not online but with a journal and pen
There's something about the feeling it brings
When you can just let out everything

Nice is the icing on the cake after it's been baked
Nice is water streaming down the rocks and the ground
Nice is the breeze that plucks autumn leaves
Nice is perfectly combed hair and lace underwear
Nice is red nice is green
Nice is not me
I am kind
With a strong powerful mind
I am kind
Nice and smart combined

Things have been better, I can not complain
I've done too much and I'm very ashamed
This life it just ***** when you're living in vain
I have this Denny's bill and this coffee stain
Will she even remember my name?
Did I try too hard?
Did I f* things up ?
Why is she playing hard to get ? Am I what she wants?
Maybe not

Not many people stood by me during my grief
And for that I will forever feel comfortable with doing me
I hope they do not expect much from me
If only they saw me
Doubled over missing you
Holding onto memories too
Trying to live life they way you would
Hoping and praying things got better
They got worse
I had to sit in a bad place for a while
The only thing keeping me going was your smile
I swear it won't fade
I hope you realize that you are still loved
And for you my sister, I am never giving up
I will chase until I am dead

Because when you're serious things seem to go well
Because when you're serious everything just falls into place
Being serious seems to prevent all issues but making things better is what it doesn't do
It's good to do something crazy every once in a while
It's great to be the reason that your lover smiles

I can't think of what to write when you are around
I can not focus and I can not think
I know it is horrible because I am working on my poetry so this one is ****** because I do not know what to write.

All the parties all the drinks
It was not worth anything
I found you, you found me
It seems that we are meant to be
You love me
I love you
Death will let us know when we're through
That's the only thing though
Not these parties not these cheap hoes
We will last I'm sure of that
And if we don't, I'm sure you'll be back

Let's be serious let's love each other right
Let's make beautiful love like we did the other night
Let's hold each other and dance like crazy
Let's wear nothing and be all lazy
This feeling I get is feeling from hell
But it honestly feels like we're doing each other well
I love you and you love me
Why is it so hard for us to see ?

Do you guys prefer writing with a pen and paper or would you rather type your poems?

5 minutes feels like forever when we're waiting
and a few seconds when we're talking

You lay strapped to a hospital bed
I want you to come home and smile again
Before the chemicals, before all of this
I'm still sitting by the telephone just to hear you say:
"I'm sorry that you're scared to live another day alone inside of my head
Pills do nothing, just like my friends
My long sleeve shirts are still stuck to my skin"

I can feel that you are annoyed but it's only when other people are around
I have met so many men like you
This isn't my first rodeo down town
You're fake
You want to date

We often panic alone and in silence
Never do we try and quit the violence
We dress up and that is not enough to hide it
Everyone is fooled because they can't see inside us

Yes I am old enough to understand what happened
But do I want to accept what has happened
I remember I couldn't grasp it
Now that I remember it, it doesn't make sense
I understand but my brain chooses to scatter it
It's not fair
Things have changed
Things have changed
Things have changed
Now we are sitting here trying to make sense of all the issues
The issues that have been poured onto me
The issues that have made me me
I don't get it but I got it
I will keep going even though it's a mess
I will keep going
I do not want to accept what needs to be accepted but here we are

My writing has not been good at all and I think it's because I'm distracted
Every time I close my eyes my brain is doing backflips
I compliment myself because nobody else is going to do it
I compliment myself because everyone else is going through it

I love you to the moon and back let's stay up at the moon in fact
We'll make a little room, we'll shack
He'll try to make a move, my man
But we will get there soon my friend
He tends to keep his eyes on me though we have the whole galaxy
Makes me feel so special even though we've got more to see
He wants to be with me
To share his life with me

It is so uncomfortable to write about that bad **** but to hold it in affects my magic I manifest myself away from the madness and I find peace only to not be glad in it because some things are unsolved and the pain still evolves
How to not be embarrassed of this painful mess
How to act like I don't care and forget about the rest
How to find comfort in these actions
How to find it okay to listen the music I keep slappin

Why do you choose to pretend to care about someone?
Why do you acknowledge them?
When all you do is talk behind their back
When all you do is throw shade
When all you do is try and bully them
When all you are is cruel to them
Why do you pretend to care

A bunch of sad **** but let's get down to it
Nothing ever really mattered before you met me
I changed you and you let me
You did not like it at first but you slowly made it work
When it did you wanted me to have your first kid
Then you realized that we could not be forever
I was here to teach you a lesson
You were here to show me less than
We were here for a reason
Drunk or not

Look at this mixed ***** speaking Spanish
She's a rich ***** you see the karats
She's on her **** ***** and she ain't sharing
You gonna get hit ***** if you keep staring

I don't miss aunt Honey's ******* barbecues at Bear's house
I don't miss her OCD
I don't miss seeing her crown royal and sprite on my adoptive mother's counter
I don't miss her hatered towards toes
I don't miss her

I'm just really upset
It's really complex
All of these memories it's hard to forget
All the time we have spent
All the love put into it
All the scary sad days and the temporary happiness

Because you're free to be you
You're free to do the things you need
If people hurt you then you're free to be mean

Building a vocabulary is something on my to-do list
Not missing you not missing me or anyone who has anything to do with it
I want to get away with it
I want to do better
I want to believe that there is more
I want it to be special
I will write my poetry whether you approve or not
I will write my poetry and only stop when I get too hot
Or too cold or too hungry
I won't have time to spend all of my money
I will sit and write
I will be alright
I will teach the kids that you must be healthy at night

Art is the only thing with no boundaries yet you refuse to create you keep this hold on your throat and you let it decide what it does with you.
You could easily choose not to but this is where we are now
I hate to leave you in the dust but this is where we are now
You mean nothing to me and you have meant nothing for the longest time
You have created a horrible life for yourself and you continually blame it on other people and that is not their fault this is your responsibility and you should take care of it
This is what you have to show for what you have worked hard for and I hope it is worth it I hope you find love and peace and happiness and most importantly wealth even though i don't mean financial wealth but I do mean wealth and health and happiness.

Not everyone is going to understand you but there will be a select few
Some who will not say anything unless you are at risk
Some who will smirk
Some who will hiss
When you learn to love yourself, new beginnings arise
When you learn to love yourself, people will see it in your eyes

You have me at my saddest state
You make me want to start to hate
I love you and it hurts all over I love you and I can never get over this pain you treated this as if it were a game I can't believe you I can't believe that you left me here to suffer all alone with no other I need you and you know that but you have to watch your own back I get it but it's not fair I did everything for you I was always there I held your hand I rubbed your back I fed you and bathed you when you could not I loved you I love you there is nothing much more to say I loved you I love you and you just walked away

Hey,
I'm okay. I am able to rest now. It's so dark in here but I love it. I am able to finally be who I want without judgment
Everyone is so kind and loving
I have a huge yard where I can play football "touchdown"
A big big house it's my father's house
Don't worry bink I am always here with you  I love you forever don't be scared
Tell Ariah I said I love her and tell Ambrosia and Azarae I'll be with them soon.

We shouldn't be upset with the ones who hurt us because after they hurt us they move on to the next victim
You will still be hurting after they have moved on
Forgive
Because most likely they will forget
They may not even know that they hurt you so you should learn to communicate it

It isn't you it isn't me it's the both of us
We had our times we shared our tea we laughed and we cursed
Today's for you
Today's for me
I love you dearly

even if there were a million reasons to stay you would most likely leave
It isn't anything bad you're just like me
But if some other girl would ask you stay you'd do it because home is so far away
It is easier to have this temporary comfort it fits me better than my favorite t shirt

I am starting to see that you have nothing to do with me
That I should just up and walk away
For whatever reason it may be
But it is a gut wrenching feeling
For whatever reason
I have to leave you in the dust and not tell you anything
I have to get back on my grind
It takes one step at a time
The things you are saying without even saying it
The places you go and you aren't even paying

I wish that we could just vibe
I wish that you would turn off this tv
I can't stand its unstable light
I wish that I could renew my mind
And find someone who is more like my kind

You came at a really strange time
My feelings were slipping
My everything was confused
I couldn't do anything
There you were
Staring at me
As I walked by
A cold mean stare
Preying on me
You looked hungry
You looked at me as if I was your next meal
Then you attacked
But I fought back so hard
I knew your game so I let you charge
I stayed focused the whole time
Understood every detail and didn't have hopes to make you mine
We got so far into it and then we crashed because you knew that what we had could never last
We tried to block each other it didn't work
I tried to call
You moved
You think that I don't know but I do
What will I do with you ?

When the brain no longer hums, you have won
When the tears no longer swell, you have won
When the flesh no longer bounds you to Earth, you have won
Your soul speaks so kindly
It is beautiful
You knew that the physical could not hold you down
You are so much more than flesh and bones
You are here, you are home