racing, cascading, my brain is aching after tasting
the bitter, bittersweet, sweet, teas
my thoughts are teased out of caffeine
and sugar
they vibrate and hover between my skull
and grey matter
and they shatter
but they matter,
reshape, and they trace through ages of filters
shot glasses clink together
the hiss of flames from a lighter
licking a propane stove
the sparks, as i am taken higher
by the tear drop traces of bitter liquid
the sensations that i love
crashing against my silence clad hubris
a song sang sweetly across my tainted tongue
that's painted numb
i'll grasp this tightly in my fist
this  moment of quiet that has begun
it fades quicker, is lost faster,
than bullets blink from the barrel of a gun
than suns set, than cars wreck,
than one breath becomes none

Transform me, dear child
Show me your visions
Help me find Hope in my name.
For I've been listening
To Peacelessness in my veins.

Your time here isn't done
Battles rage without a single one won
The Lies reach past fingertips
And Truth is painfully shy.

Please restore my faith.
Say those kind words you always manage to say.
People crane their necks
For leaders left and right
But you and I know
Leadership moves forward
With flashlight eyes in the night.

it nonsensical that i'm cynical
when love has always been  my pinnacle
i created a false dichotomy
between being loved and never being hurt
but that's just it, loving takes a lot of me
and it's covered me in years of blood and dirt
but that can't bury it's worth
i plunged my hands into the earth
expecting a dagger that laid dormant,
but the beauty that i found was stark, and storming
sharp, and thorny,
but with petals too, uncurling
not yet in full bloom, but soon
A  white rose will come under another moon
licked by drops of blood,
pricked from my fetid wounds.

watch me unfold,
from my contortionist dance,
swallowed by sound,
my vision most entranced,
senses overcome,
so that hearing is erased,
every picture detailed,
i remember every trace.
and we rolled over in circles,
and i went graceful through the skies,
surroundings settled into slowness,
as my brain shattered in the whys
for the briefest moment i knew i died,
and i woke,
after seconds,
five?

I am a spectator.

I won't play the victim,
my head is made of stone,
my feet are made of gravel,
this dirt is all they've known.

"Here lies a poet, lost in his own head,
not knowing hell from heaven,
nor life from being dead."

But I'm not giving you my heart
I take the blame for the feelings I caught
We'll never be...
No it's just not a feasible reality


I was falling but you weren't
I didn't ask you to catch me
I fly and flap my wings
For into the wind the feelings will vanish

Said I love you
But never asked you to love me back
Didn't beg, regardless it's real, it's also difficult
Didn't long for the two-way street

Reciprocation is out of question
Offer's off the table, no risk, no bet
Never laid anything on it to begin with
Hold myself responsible, it's my heart

The feelings are mine, and mine to handle
You don't do anything,
Coz I won't do anything
Stay right where you are, I've a path to follow

Just letting you know,
Letting you see, leaving you be
And Letting you go...
To the arms where you rightfully belong

It's hard
when my fingers yearn for the rough of your skin
I imagine my arms extending like branches on a willow
twisting and turning on street corners
to make it to you
for one last touch

It's hard
when the cold encompasses my back
facing the empty dark
and holds me still
I imagine your head buried into the nook of my neck
your heart's slow beats pounding against me as you sleep
as I wiggle under your heavy arms

It's hard
when the blinding light pierces through my eyes
as i try to regain consciousness
only to turn to my side
and see the pillow untouched
the crinkles exactly how they'd been left the night before
I imagine waking up to you pulling me closer
as if the waves carried me away in the night
waking up to your scrunched up nose and tired eyes
leaning in for a kiss
that never materializes.