I met a man today;
A strange man by most standards.
You see, he loves to build miniature worlds
Where trains rush past the intricately painted men and women.
He explained how he would continue long into the early hours
Creating whatever his mind would dare to imagine.
And I felt the purest forms of envy I have known.
All I wish is to find that sort of passion
Something to bring me that joy
That I willingly give the hours of my life.
How wonderful it would be
To find what I am searching for.

Seeing her is like returning to a city where you used to live.
You loved that city and always will
There is something about it that will always feel like home
and you secretly hope you find that city again:
To embrace everything that brought you such bliss.
But when you find yourself facing her at last,
the guilt of your crimes returns.
When you dishonored something so beautiful.
You have lost the privilege to enjoy
the place which gave you nothing but hope
and revealed to you the love that can be found in the world.
Even if the city welcomes you back with the softest smile
You can not risk causing any more harm.
You do not trust yourself
around the only person you ever loved.

For some reason, I continue scrolling
Cringing slightly as I see the couples daily pre-wedding countdown
With some posed picture and inspirational words
I don't understand how someone can live like that
Searching for likes as a sense of accomplishment
With staged insights into theatrical lives
Yet,
I am the one still scrolling

I am in the middle of a swarm
Individual faces hustling around me
Blurred into the chaos of life
Yet seeming to have direction
Do they know what they are doing
or are they as lost as me?

This is supposed to be a statement of reconciliation;
A realization that our parents are also struggling,
dealing with their own inner turmoil.
But now all I feel is bitterness
Rage at the idea of two people deciding to start a family
when they both have so much baggage
Passing on their unresolved issues
Leaving me here
A broken product of broken people
Not wanting to continue this vicious cycle

Lying beside you beneath the cool shade
The blades of grass hugging our backs
The warmth of the day surrounding us
And the wind
Oh how we can feel the calm with every breeze
It flows through your hair and curls my lips
A small smile
For there is nowhere I would rather be

No matter how content I may feel
And how perfect things may seem
Nothing will satiate my longing for eternal slumber
Nothing seems to compare to something so calm.
I fear this longing will never fade
With me always hoping for some unexpected demise.