Staring at me cause I smoke

Letting the smoke escape my mouth and nose  

I look at you

And  I throw my cigarette down then spit

" I don't care "

My heart falls to pieces
I try to recall on the last time I saw you smile
But I can't
This pain overwhelms my thoughts
I wonder if you know
Just how much it hurts me
To see you hurting
You say you'r okay
But the windows of your soul tell me otherwise
I asked you a question the other day
I know it sounded far fetched but,
I mearnt every word
Your only response was tears
A cord deep inside my soul they struck
And still I await your response
I wish I didn't leave now,
Not now when you need me most
But I pray you understand
Am better off away
I can't stand seeing you broken
You have always been my strength
Am not used to your tears
Am clueless on how to handle you
When you hurt, I cry
When you cry, my soul leaves me
So you see,
Am better off away
Though my heart still throbs with pain unbearable
And though my eyes long to see you
And my nose to inhale your sweet scent
And my hands ache to hold you
Am still better off away
I know I promised to ever be by your side
But now am going away
Though good reasons I gave,
Its still a promise broken
For that Am Sorry
Am sorry that am being selfish
Am Sorry for leaving you at your very lowest
Am Sorry for saying Am Sorry
Knowing it doesn't help
And Am Sorry that when you hurt it pains me more than you
I don't know why it does
But I promise to learn to hurt less when am away
I pray that I keep that promise
So I come back to you
To help you heal
To help you smile
And forever be by your side

I have been strong for a month now
Thinking that if I pretend I’m excited
I eventually might be
When I get asked if I am
I smile and nod and say yes
No more
Just enough to satisfy
I had a moment of weakness when I left
But I composed myself in a few minutes
Now I’m sitting on my new bed
Far far away from what I know
And who I love
With tears pouring silently down my face

You're still in my thoughts every day
I wonder when I'll finally escape you.

It's both too early
and
too late

but you didn't tell me
anything

left me to guess
is your history a landmine?
Did the world hurt you just as bad
as it hurted me?

You didn't say

All you said was
it's both early and late

and kept the rest
a mystery