I have been strong for a month now
Thinking that if I pretend I’m excited
I eventually might be
When I get asked if I am
I smile and nod and say yes
No more
Just enough to satisfy
I had a moment of weakness when I left
But I composed myself in a few minutes
Now I’m sitting on my new bed
Far far away from what I know
And who I love
With tears pouring silently down my face

My life is consumed with numbers
Numbers telling me I am not good enough.
My Gpa says I was an idiot that didn’t try enough in college.
The scales say I am way to fat to be accepted by society.
My age tells people I’m still a child or I’m an adult too young to know anything.
The amount of followers I have on Tumblr says I am not popular and I can’t give people what they want.
I was never good with numbers, but I do believe I will forget my GPA someday, I will eventually lose weight, I will grow older and more experienced, and Tumblr will become a thing of the past.
As far as numbers go for me, that’s all they are….numbers.

It’s amazing how much I like your hands
When I have never noticed anyone else’s
I have never touched your hands
And they have never touched me
Oh but how I would love for them to
For them to caress me while you gently kiss me
I melt at the thought of your hands
And what they could do to me
They could wipe my tears away
And tickle me to laughter
They could lift my face to hope for the future
And they could lead me where you go
Your hands could comfort and protect
They could bring joy and pleasure
And trust and peace

My wind chime rouses me as the wind gently blows
It sings again and I smile at the sound
This wind chime is my favorite thing in my house
I can’t say it’s mine because it’s not anymore
But it did belong to me once
I didn’t take very good care of it when it was mine
Other people admired it and I let them have it
But they always gave it back to me
And it always came back chipped or scratched or defaced in some way
Then one time it came back totally broken
I put my wind chime away and forgot about it for a long time
Till the day he found it and put it back together and made it even more beautiful than before
And I smile again because he did the same thing for my heart

His touch was burning
Searing through me like a roaring fire
Slowly softly touching
His fingers teased my lips that longed for his
I shivered even though my inside were on fire
He moved from my lips to my cheek to my neck
All the way leaving a burning trail of desire
I gasp for an uneven breath
I am overwhelmed by the warmth and the need for air
I’m brought back to reality
Where I’m trapped in my blanket that’s covering even my face

Each smile is a question
Each laugh is a wish
Each conversation a hope
My questions are answered
My wishes fulfilled
My hope persists
But I’m confused, wishing, and wanting

It was like the wind whispered to me,
Telling me to break free,
Telling me to get out.
The wind was telling me to live.
Then the rain told me my story,
But it wasn't mine...
The rain just knew the ending,
Because no one listened to the winds whispers.
Then the clouds covered my sun,
And the lightning laughed at me,
But I weathered the storm.
Only to realize,
I should have listened to his whispers and seen his tears.
Because he knew what was coming.