I said, "I'm done"
You heard, "Fight for me"
I said, "It's not working anymore"
You heard, "Let's fix this"
I said, "You hurt me"
That was all you could hear
You said, "Don't leave"
I heard, "I took you for granted"
You said, "I can change"
I heard, "It'll be this way in two weeks"
That was all I heard as I packed my things
I said, "It's over"
You heard, "I'm going to my mom's to think"
I said, "Good luck, I hope you can be happy"
You heard, "I'll see you tomorrow"
I said, "Goodbye"
And you finally showed an emotion and cried

This is western Washington
Not eastern Washington
Or California
Where the hell is the rain?
I feel it's been days
Weeks
Months
Years
I need some hurricane-esque rain
Right now
Because that is the most comforting for me
It's like a blanket
Of security and hope
That doesn't demand I hide my tears
I just want the ****** rain to fall
Because I am in a ******* drought of happy
When it comes to him
So explain to me why it seems
Western Washington
Home of Seattle and rain
Is in some weird ******* drought

If I told you to grow up
If I told you to love better
If I told you to not hold back
If I told you to just
let
go

Maybe you wouldn't
But I'd deserve it

I am sitting here
Almost two full years later
(One week until to be exact)
And I still can't get you out of my head
It's late night phone calls that flood my memory
Like 12:46 AM
And You saying things like
"Please go to sleep, it's so late,
And I don't want you hurting in the morning"
And
"If I say something really sweet--
Well I think it's sweet, at least--
Will you go to sleep"
Then
"I want to be your first kiss"
But B, that's just who you are
You're the divide and conquer kind
It's little lines like
"I owe a penny"
And a competitive
"Well, I owe 100 pennies"
That make me want to cry
It's references to songs
And wanting to end my self inflicted scarring
When in reality
You are a part of that collection
It's that 11 PM call
Where you "met" my mother
If we could even call it that
It's two days later
And the first "I love you"
And me almost crying as those words
Tumbled from your mouth
I believed it all
I believed in you
But then it became
"You're a great girl
But I don't think this will work"
I waited for two weeks
Before making a mistake and coming back
I didn't think it was a mistake
When you asked for a date
Of cuddling on your uncle's couch
Because you just got your license
And wanted me to be first in your car
It was supposed to be teriyaki and your favorite movie,
Hercules
And you wouldn't have cared if I sang along
With every single song
Because you loved the idea
Of a private screening
Not in a ****** way
But of course,
You were a sixteen year old boy
You wanted ***
I can't believe I actually thought about it
And the simple words that
Made me believe it could happen
"Of course I'm upset, Silly,
I didn't get to see my girl"
A few days later the silence came
Because you decided
You couldn't date me because I attended
The school of your past
But you decided to date her
A character of the past attending your school of the past
You even convinced her to runaway with you
When CPS pulled some ******* moves
With your abusive father and standby mother
I could've been that girl
I could've loved you forever
I remember December
When you told me you'd found God
And tried to help convert me
You were the only one I'd let call me
"Sammie"
I've always thought it weird that
You were allowed to flirt with me
But it couldn't be me flirting with you
Even with your migraine
And my offer to give
"All the pennies in the world to make it all better"
I learned that's because you'd leave
Three days later
I waited **** near a year
Before reaching out to you again
With a letter drafted
A total of
Twenty-eight times
Because of an English teacher
Encouraging thanks
You replied and I filled with hope
Only for you to ask me to stop talking to you
And your friends
Even though Matt is my friend, too
But before leaving again
I was aware of the biggest backstabbing
In all of history
You were back with the friend I was defending
That brought us together
That made fun of your invisible genitals
I cried mercilessly
And ran to the bathroom
Throwing my body against the wall
Almost breaking my fists
Then I cooled off
Walked to the floor where
Bailey and I were dining
She on a turkey sandwich
With cheese, mustard, and olives
Myself on a buffet of tears
When I saw a tall figure I somehow knew was you
Signing out
She thought I was delusional
But when she turned
All she could say was,
"Samm...that is him"
And I huffed up my chest
Stuck up my head
Dried my eyes
And bit my lip
I held it together for a
Full five seconds
After you walked out the door
And I ran faster than I'd ever run before
Faster than you'd ever run before
Even with football before your shoulder
And bashed a dent in that concrete wall
You tried to contact me
January of this year
We talked for a bit because I'm stupid
When it comes to the past
But then I called you a *******
And you left
I didn't talk to you until May afterward
Before Cole broke my heart
But B,
*******
Please stop haunting me
Please leave me alone

I wrote you a song in December
Maybe you'll see it someday

Maybe because I've always been
*******--
Or unscrewed, I suppose--
In the mental department
Maybe because I know he's a friend
He's just as scared of the world as me
He's not some evil figure
Lurking about at night
Intentionally trying to terrify
He's a man all the same
I don't care what his appearance is
He just tries to hide
Seeking refuge and comfort
Trying to hide his lugubrious mind
He just wants a friend that understands
So he lays under the bed
Or sits in the closet
He doesn't even say a thing
Except "Boo-hoo"
When he hears your life story spoken aloud
By your conscious lips
Or subconscious dream clouds
But what most people don't hear
Is the important half
"Hoo"
They hear boo
And awake and scream
Trying to climb into bed with parents
But Mr. Boogeyman hasn't visited
In a long while
And I'm starting to miss him
Maybe he'll come back tonight
But I'm not afraid of the Boogeyman
Because I've met much worse

I knew her better than any of you
And maybe her less
I know not when she died
Or how she went
But it seems she just faded away
Slowly and peacefully
Perhaps she isn't fully dead
And she'll make special cameos
But are the dead ever really gone?
She was someone I thought I could call friend
She wasn't
She was mean and cold
She couldn't stand herself
She was hateful and hot headed
And was incapable of love
Because she had little--
If any--
Self-respect
Her heart was broken long before
I thought to save her
She always went for the abusive ones
No matter where she went
Because she thought that was love
She was sarcastic and blunt
To the point of defensive
Because she was scared
Even I could hardly love her
But I did
I say she wasn't a friend
But that's a half-lie
She was definitely the
Back-stabbing kind
She was the girl you didn't want
To be with
And my image is stained
Because of that
I was closer to her than anyone of you
Yet I was also the furthest away
She somehow managed to receive genuine love
But now she is a ghost
Cleaning out the hole in her throat
In my bathroom sink
She can linger for a while
I don't mind
Eventually I'll tell her to disappear
To pack her bags and leave
So,
Miss Samantha Marie Moore
From the kingdom of
Self-Loathe and Negativity,
Rest in Peace
Because you've ******* me over enough
And I am done
Bathing in your aura