I’d like to make sense of this world
or not
maybe with someone
& grow old together
I’d like to keep hope
Even though sometimes
it makes me red at the cheeks
thinking of what isn’t
was
& could be
I’d like to share a bed,
entangling limbs in soft sheets
I’d like to entwine fingers,
warming limbs
I’d like to find love & light
Usually best on a whim
I’d like so many things now
& it makes me feel soft.
Never knew this feeling.
But now I want a home &
A pet
A lover
A friend
A child
& something to call my own.
But, I’m so scared I’m a monster
Unable to hold on to a moment
Feeling in waves; usually a flood
& not everyone is made for the water.
You must be used to the feeling of the unknown & darkness.
I’m learning to breathe
I know how to sail my oceans
But at times the sea entwines
natural & salt
confusing things, but natural nevertheless
I’m also okay with just a feeling
but not fleeting moments
I’m too used to that
I just want forever
Forever is still fleeting
I guess that’s just a problem I’ll have
I’m trying not to beat myself up for changing & finding myself, feeling & drowning & surviving. I have so many questions & it hurts. I’d like to be lost with someone rather than alone.